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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex husband - new wife mental health- special needs child ! Help

102 replies

Glitterzzz · 16/12/2018 20:47

Hello.

I really need advice what to do. And what legally I can do.

Myself and ex husband divorced 5 ish years ago. Both moved on. We have one son together who is 11 with special needs. Said son lives with me but stays with his father Friday to Sunday every week and we share the school holidays.

Ex husband married his wife in November after 7 months of knowing each other. From what he has shared relationship is Rocky. My son started to tell me about arguments that he was witnessing when staying over. I raised this to ex husband and he assured me nothing to worry about / wasn’t harmful to our son.

He confide in me she has mental health issues mainly extreme depression and is heavily medicated I think it’s 1000mg daily of a antidepressant. This is what he told me. I checked online the name and dosage of the drug as I was curious and it told me that it’s generally Prescribed for someone with extreme depression and or suicidal behaviours.

I have made it clear as my son is vulnerable I do not wish him to be under anyone else’s care when he is with his father ( I set that rule long before she came on the scene) except for family members on his side.

I found out today that my ex husband went out on Saturday early evening and only returned on Sunday morning leaving my son with his wife without my knowledge or my permission. I know that when he is with Dad he has parental responsibility too but I’m cautious with my son due to his special needs and other issues I have had with ex husbands parenting in the past.

Ex husband left our son overnight with his wife without me knowing and without my son knowing when he was coming back. He then returned to their home and spent the day in bed hungover and alseep. He’s 51 for the record.

Where do I stand ? I’m angry about this. Am I right or wrong to be ? This is only about my son’s wellbeing. Myself and ex have known each other for 20 years and have a friendly atmosphere despite the break up

OP posts:
HarveySchlumpfenburger · 16/12/2018 21:55

Sertralie is pretty much the first line anti depressant these days isn’t it? Any number of people who might be looking after your son could be on it and you’d never know. You’re not going to get anywhere with that argument.

If he’s witnessing domestic abuse at his dad’s, then you may need to get children’s services involved or go back to court and look at the contact arrangement.

LEMtheoriginal · 16/12/2018 21:56

That will be 1000mcg micrograms. That is an average dose for sertraline.

Mg of drug is dependant on the drug so you cant compare. Im on 20mg escitalopram which equates to 40mg citalopram . 60mg is the top dose

500mg x 2 for paracetamol.

General dose of diazepam as a muscle relaxant is 2mg

It depends on the drug.

She takes antidepressants she is not heavily medicated.

I appreciate you are concerned for your ds but i am pretty damned sure she isnt a danger to him. Any more than i am a danger to my dd!

Alcohol is not recommended with ADs as it is a depressant and makes people feel shit anyway but i know there isnt adverse reactions but alcohol isnt contra indicated with the ads i take.

CosmicCanary · 16/12/2018 21:56

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Lookatyourwatchnow · 16/12/2018 21:56

The 😂 comment was because she clearly isn't prescribed 1000mg of sertraline a day. Have one of these too: 🙄

Then you have added massive drip feeds and suddenly she's an alcoholic too, and has slated your DS on social media.

To add to that, you and your ex husband had a heart to heart the day before his wedding about his feelings. And is still confiding in you now.

You sound over invested in his relationship and desperate to hate her.

theworldistoosmall · 16/12/2018 21:58

If I had a partner and they started telling everyone about my health and medications I was on I would go fucking apeshit. Talk about a total disregard for her privacy.
Many of us have MH conditions and are on meds, yet still manage somehow to parent. Including having children with sn.

It really annoys me when people spout shite about it makes us inadequate parents. If anything, being a parent actually motivates me to take more care of my health and the impact that my health has on them.

TatianaLarina · 16/12/2018 22:10

People on this thread are getting defensive about their own mental health conditions instead of recognising that this is an abusive situation.

The ADs are of less importance than the drinking, the explosions, the badmouthing the boy on FB.

No-one can say whether she’s a danger to him as they don’t know what she’s like when she’s drunk.

serialtester · 16/12/2018 22:12

I have every sympathy for you about your concerns for your son. However the fact that you're wrong about her dosage and that your concerns come from your ex and Facebook lead me to think the issues are not with her.

CosmicCanary · 16/12/2018 22:13

The person resonspible for the childs safety is his father. OP seems more interested in slagging off the wife than questioning her exes ability to parent.

PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2018 22:13

The ADs are of less importance than the drinking, the explosions, the badmouthing the boy on FB.

The only thing the op mentioned in her opening post was the ADs...

serialtester · 16/12/2018 22:13

If she is a problem drinker and is impacting on your child then get legal advice. Your ex is not safeguarding your child.

TatianaLarina · 16/12/2018 22:15

The only thing the op mentioned in her opening post was the ADs...

Presumably you can read the rest of it.

TatianaLarina · 16/12/2018 22:15

I think we’ve cleared up the 1000mg/mcg issue.

PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2018 22:16

Presumably you can read the rest of it.

Well obviously. But it says a lot about that the op thinks is important.

TatianaLarina · 16/12/2018 22:17

But it says a lot about that the op thinks is important.

Hmm
CosmicCanary · 16/12/2018 22:18

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Alaaya · 16/12/2018 22:18

I'm also a bit Hmm at this problem drinking that wasn't important enough to be mentioned in the first post but suddenly came up when no one was going to get on the OP's side. Not to mention these heart to hearts with her ex.

I'm kind of wondering if the ex and his W had a blow up, he had a bit of a wobble at his ex, and she's exaggerating still further here, because she wants to feel entitled to hate the W, possibly because she and her ex are a bit inappropriately close.

PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2018 22:19

What’s the Hmm for? Seriously, if you were most concerned about problem drinking, emotional outbursts and slagging your child off on facebook, you’d have thought it would warrant a mention?

As it was, we got the incredibly emotive “heavily medicated” on antidepressants and when posters called her out on it, suddenly the rest appeared.

TatianaLarina · 16/12/2018 22:19

OP - you need to get this moved to Relationships. Or start a new thread there.

You will just get nonsense on AIBU.

CollyWombles · 16/12/2018 22:20

People are not getting defensive about their own mental health, people are however correcting the OP regarding feeding into the stigma that already exists with mental health in general.

Do you not think it's rather odd that the OP would express a concern over mental health in her original post then suddenly throw in daily drinking some posts later which would obviously be far more of a concern?!

Also as the mother of children that have suffered assault at the hands of their father whilst on contact with him, having been through the courts, the investigations and background reports, the counsellors and so on, I would never ignore a situation where the child is being abused. In this case, I have yet to see anything to suggest that is the case. Everything the OP knows, she has been told by the exh, who is always going to paint the wife in the negative light rather than himself and her son that has expressed he doesn't like witnessing arguments. That is a concern and the OP should first be attempting to speak to both the exh and the wife about that before stomping straight off to court! It's a horrible experience for children I might add!

Crispmonster1 · 16/12/2018 22:20

He has your son EVERY fri - Sunday? Does he work full time too? If I was the new wife / step mum I would have an issue with this. Sorry. It seems a bit unfair? Do you have to work at weekends?

PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2018 22:20

Posters on relationships are clever enough to spot what’s going on here.

TatianaLarina · 16/12/2018 22:21

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Wellfuckmeinbothears · 16/12/2018 22:22

I think you are way too involved with your ex.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 16/12/2018 22:24

OP enjoys slating her current partner's ex wife on here too, as well as her ex partners's wife.

serialtester · 16/12/2018 22:24

The opening post only mentioned antidepressants not the problem drinking.