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Original poster

Ex husband - new wife mental health- special needs child ! Help

102 replies

Glitterzzz · 16/12/2018 20:47

Hello.

I really need advice what to do. And what legally I can do.

Myself and ex husband divorced 5 ish years ago. Both moved on. We have one son together who is 11 with special needs. Said son lives with me but stays with his father Friday to Sunday every week and we share the school holidays.

Ex husband married his wife in November after 7 months of knowing each other. From what he has shared relationship is Rocky. My son started to tell me about arguments that he was witnessing when staying over. I raised this to ex husband and he assured me nothing to worry about / wasn’t harmful to our son.

He confide in me she has mental health issues mainly extreme depression and is heavily medicated I think it’s 1000mg daily of a antidepressant. This is what he told me. I checked online the name and dosage of the drug as I was curious and it told me that it’s generally Prescribed for someone with extreme depression and or suicidal behaviours.

I have made it clear as my son is vulnerable I do not wish him to be under anyone else’s care when he is with his father ( I set that rule long before she came on the scene) except for family members on his side.

I found out today that my ex husband went out on Saturday early evening and only returned on Sunday morning leaving my son with his wife without my knowledge or my permission. I know that when he is with Dad he has parental responsibility too but I’m cautious with my son due to his special needs and other issues I have had with ex husbands parenting in the past.

Ex husband left our son overnight with his wife without me knowing and without my son knowing when he was coming back. He then returned to their home and spent the day in bed hungover and alseep. He’s 51 for the record.

Where do I stand ? I’m angry about this. Am I right or wrong to be ? This is only about my son’s wellbeing. Myself and ex have known each other for 20 years and have a friendly atmosphere despite the break up

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 16/12/2018 21:37

Explosive arguments m8gt be a concern. What does your d's do with dad at weekends ? Clearly it's different from Mon to Fri as presumably Mon to Fri he is at school during the day?

Original poster
Glitterzzz · 16/12/2018 21:37

No Intention to stop contact with Dad and his son just want to know my son is actually with his dad and not alone with his wife given all of the circumstances.

OP posts:
agnurse · 16/12/2018 21:37

I'd have to ask how exactly you know all the details of what's going on at their home. Are you there daily? If not, you DON'T know. Your son's perspective will be coloured, too.

You need to speak to a solicitor.

Original poster
Glitterzzz · 16/12/2018 21:39

I cannot say she’s an alcoholic but my ex husband is clearly worried about her drinking as he lives with it every day. It’s him that finds the hidden empty bottles and it’s him she lies too about drinking. It’s also him she verbally abuses and screams at. I didn’t know this was going on until a couple weeks ago when he broke down and told me . My son isn’t able to share this informairon with me. Sunday afternoon to Friday evening he is with me. He is with Dad Friday evening to Sunday.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 16/12/2018 21:39

I've been on Sertraline for anxiety and I was told that I can drink when on it but to limit it. I'm not a heavy drinker so that was fine.

As for the dosage, a quick Google shows loads of things like this: 1000 mg is about 5 times the usual maximum prescribed dose.

Your ex husband really shouldn't be telling you this.

CosmicCanary · 16/12/2018 21:39

Is she dangerous?
Has history of violence?
Convictions?

Neverunderfed · 16/12/2018 21:39

He should not be sharing that with you!! What an utter shit.

serialtester · 16/12/2018 21:40

Having a MH issue and engaging by taking medication is actually a positive thing. How do you know she's a problem drinker? If it's your son telling you this then it's very concerning.

serialtester · 16/12/2018 21:42

Ah, it's your ex telling you this. If he's that concerned he should be arranging contact away from her and not involving his child or you in this shitshow.

Birdsgottafly · 16/12/2018 21:42

"You won’t get a judge to agree to you dictating who your child spends time with when he’s having contact with his father. She’s his wife. They live together. Her health, including her depression, is her business. "

Ignore that.

You are responsible for safeguarding your Son. He is witnessing Domestic Abuse.

The explosive arguments are enough to stop the overnights and SS would agree.

The daily drinking plus Meds means that she may not be in a fit state to have sole care of a vulnerable child.

It depends on how long ago she was suicidal, as well.

What do you want to do?

CollyWombles · 16/12/2018 21:43

I am on sertraline. The maximum dose is 200mg! It is prescribed for many things, anxiety, pmdd, ptsd, depression amongst a few and is certainly no more prescribed for 'extreme' depression than any other AD! It's the most commonly prescribed because it's generally the fastest acting with minimal side effects. You did not do your research very well OP.

I also have two ASD children, one aged 13 and one aged 8. Along with two NT children. Witnessing arguments is never ide, however couples do argue. Concerns about that are fine, concerns about her having depression not so.

Drip feed on the daily drinking. How are you aware of this? Another thing your ex told you in confidence? She actually sounds like she would be better off without him!

CosmicCanary · 16/12/2018 21:43

Ah, it's your ex telling you this. If he's that concerned he should be arranging contact away from her and not involving his child or you in this shitshow.

This

If she is so bad why is HE not protecting HIS child?

Birdsgottafly · 16/12/2018 21:44

Have you seen any change in behaviour from your Son?

If you behaves in a unstable manner towards her Husband, she could towards your Son.

Original poster
Glitterzzz · 16/12/2018 21:46

It’s my ex husband that has confiding in me. He called me the day before the wedding crying he didn’t want to marry her but if he didn’t she would throw him out ( house is in her name )

She has publicly slated my son on Facebook though... she dragged him to town to shop and he played up due to his conditions he doesn’t like - finds it hard to be in busy environments and she did a long post referring to him ‘ as that boy’ this was told to me by a family friend who is friends with both me and my ex and yes I checked her profile and it was true . Other than that I don’t know she has done anything to my child. I’m worried what she may do. Not because she has depression but because I don’t know her, she drinks heavily, she’s heavily medicated , she has explosive behaviours and so on

OP posts:
IntentsAndPorpoises · 16/12/2018 21:46

I have a mental illness, take 1000mg of one drug and 300.mg of another. And I look after my children every day. One has ASD.

That in itself is not a reason. You don't seem to understand how these drugs work when you say "heavily medicated". They aren't tranquillisers.

Original poster
Glitterzzz · 16/12/2018 21:47

This is the point of my post! He isn’t doing anything to safeguard so I’m wondering what j can do ...

OP posts:
brownmoose · 16/12/2018 21:47

Op, you need to answer the question in order for us to give any type of advice.

Has your son expressed he feels in danger, or, shown you any physical damage that has been caused by your ex's wife.

If he has expressed he has felt in danger of his safety, can you please give an example.

If there isn't any, and he hasn't, then you may not like her mental health problem or her supposed drinking issue (FYI, have you asked her about it??) but the fact is, as long as your son is cared for and happy in that house, then you have to let it go.

It's part and parcel of having a child with someone you are no longer with.
I dislike a lot of choices my ex makes, I think they are ridiculous and I haven't cared for a few of his ex's and their behaviours, but, it's actually not my issue as long as my son is happy.

Original poster
Glitterzzz · 16/12/2018 21:48

Read the thread before leaving responses that clearly show you haven’t or don’t bother

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2018 21:48

she’s heavily medicated

Stop using that phrase. You mean she’s on anti depressants.

Original poster
Glitterzzz · 16/12/2018 21:49

My son has only made comments about the arguing and being sick of it. I don’t suspect she’s actually physically harmed him

OP posts:
CosmicCanary · 16/12/2018 21:50

Take him to court.
If you are worried about his safety and feel his father cannot care for him then that is the only option.

We will not joing in with your slagging off of hus wife. Which is what you really want Hmm

brownmoose · 16/12/2018 21:52

I'm pretty sure my son doesn't like it when he catches me or his father if we have an argument with our respective partners.
Such is life.

It's hard OP, I've been in your shoes. But sadly, unless you feel your son is at actual risk and you have evidence of it being an immediate threat to him, you need to stay out of it.

Can I also suggest you do not offer yourself out to your ex has a shoulder or an earpiece. He is obviously going to want your sympathy, he is using your compassion towards your son to get it. When the garden is rosy, he will soon shrug it off that he never said it to you.

CollyWombles · 16/12/2018 21:53

Read the thread?! Perhaps give the actual important details in the first post OP, instead of suddenly dropping in a few posts later that she is supposedly a daily drinker etc etc! Your OP is all about her mental health which is going to get people's backs up, the stigma surrounding mental health is shit and posts like yours just prove that it's still alive and well. Heavily medicated indeed!

No one will slag off the wife because even if everything you are saying is true (doubtful) your ex is the one at fault, with the actual parental responsibility that apparently willingly chose to leave his wife in sole charge of his child to go out for the evening!

brownmoose · 16/12/2018 21:54

Exactly. The ex wife is not to blame here. Your husband is.

You will have a lot of egg on your face if you continue to be used by him op.

twattymctwatterson · 16/12/2018 21:54

She isn't on 1000mg of Setraline per day. At least do a bit of googling before you start blatantly making things up