To think my four month old baby is autistic...

[Jiminybikkit]

As above really. DD is four months old. There is autism in DH's family, three of his siblings children have it. So for full disclosure, I'm an anxious person and it was always in my head as a possibility.

DD does smile and make eye contact, but she doesn't do it as regularly as I'd expect and often actively avoids it. She seems quite serious - someone will be playing peekaboo and there will be no reaction, or not for a long time. She doesn't babble, but she grunts, hums and blows raspberries. The odd 'ehhh" sound, but she seems to be quite a quiet baby, though she recently started squawking in excitement when we shook a maraca at her.

Rolls from side to side, but not over all the way. Always wants to be held up on her feet - goes through periods where she simply never stays still, and is wriggling, twitching and flailing for ages.

The things that really worry me- when she's feeding (breastfed) she does this really weird repetitive movement with the arm that's on the upper side. The arm basically moves in the way it does when you see someone doing a star jump-sort of straight out and up and down--and this will go on for the whole feed. She also opens and closes her hands a lot too, I've seen the children in DH family do similar and it was mentioned as a sign of autism. She does grasp things and brings them to her mouth, and she eats and sleeps well.

I know all this sounds like it could be any baby, but I have a niggling anxiety that it is something more, though I'm not sure if it's mother's instinct or if I am over anxious and feel autism is inevitable - every one of my PILS grandchildren has a diagnosis of some sort.

She’s 4 months old for goodness sake. She sounds like a very normal 4 month old too.

Everything you have described is completely normal for a baby. Please go and talk to your gp about your anxiety

Four months is very very young, I’m no expert but I think it’s far too young to show any signs.
I don’t think any of my NT children babbled or even laughed at that age. What you have described sounds completely normal to me.

I have no experience of autistic babies, but all three of my kids did all or some of the above, and none of them have autism.

I think if the other children in the family were all NT I probably wouldn't be thinking like this, so I can see that it's probably the anxiety talking. But the fact that every single one is ASD or ADHD diagnosed makes me feel like there's an inevitability to it

Your baby is still tiny. All of the things you say could be indicators for autism. But in a child so young they're far more likely to be just down to normal development. I think that your anxiety is probably contributing signinificantly to your fear plus the family history. I think that you definitely need to try and seek some help. Only because your anxiety is impacting on your quality of life.

As above. I know scientists are working to find out whether autism can be diagnosed in young babies. But we’re not there yet and none of the behaviour you’ve described gives any reason to think your baby is autistic. Of course she might be but you can’t tell yet.

I think I agree that a chat with your GP or health visitor (if they’re good) about your anxiety about your baby may be helpful. I write as someone who was TERRIBLY anxious about my baby to the point it interfered with my life, and there is help available.

OP, you’re clearly anxious but your concerns are not misplaced given your family history. However what you describe is likely to be very normal. Only time will tell. Stay in touch with your GP and HV and discuss concerns with them.

She’s a typical 4 month old - there’s no way you can tell which child has autism or not at that age. I mean this kindly - but I had postnatal anxiety and depression and I became very focused (obsessed, even) with certain things when my first child was this age. Please see your doctor if you find yourself obsessing over this any more. I really don’t mean that to be offensive at all, just keep an eye on yourself and get help if you need

The arm movement while feeding is quite normal. I’m not going to say don’t worry, because that won’t stop you, but my DS2 is autistic and until he was 15 months or so, his development seemed perfectly normal. It was pretty much identical to my 2 NT DC. So please just try to have fun with your DD and get to know her unique personality and save the worrying for later.

Just to add - for my postnatal anxiety I did get help. Even just speaking to the doctor about my concerns was like a weight literally lifted from my shoulders. I wasted so much time being anxious. I got treatment and it took time but I got better

I'd say speak to someone... I remember watching a TV docco where a mum was convinced her son (about 3 or 4) was autistic because her nephew was and he demonstrate these very difficult tantrums and stuff like that. When they investigated, it turned out the behaviour was down to the fact that the family's pet dog repeatedly woke the little boy at night, but for some reason he'd never mentioned it and his behaviour was all down to exhaustion. What I'm saying is, when you're on high alert, it's easy to see things confirming your anxiety.

I noticed signs when my middle dd was six months old. At the time we didn’t know about autism and I suppose I stuck my head in the sand until she was a bit older. She had a sibling 13 months older than her so we had a direct comparison. I know it seems glib to say it but enjoy her. If she’s autistic you’ll deal with it. Play with her, talk to her lots. It’s scary but she’s yours and she’s special. I have two children with autism out of three. I would just keep an eye on her. I’ve found I watch my oldest child carefully because of her younger siblings and it’s hard not to read into things but if she’s autistic, she’s autistic. Hugs. I know how worrying it can be.

4 months is early to get enjoyment from peekaboo, my 10mo only started enjoying it in the last month or so. Also 4 months is young to expect eye contact. My 10mo can't roll, crawl or pull himself up yet, if he's was my first I'd probably be really worried but babies honestly don't follow milestones and do things when they are ready.

I can't tell how bad my anxiety is, because on one hand, I'm very very happy. Maternity leave has been a dream, and I'm enjoying every second. On the other hand, I do get invasive thoughts and worries, and it feels like the world is full of sharp thorns, all sort of pointed at my baby. I'll be on the way to a coffee shop, pushing the pram, looking forward to meeting friends, thinking that life doesn't get much better, then a truck will go past and I'll start getting horrible images of what could have happened if it had toppled over or something. Ridiculous.

The midwife in the hospital also pointed out that DD had a simian crease in her hand, I made the mistake of googling and it can be a sign of autism too

I can completely imagine your anxiety. Here's an interesting habit/ability that NT infants have that relates to theory of mind - when you go to pick them up they tense up, seem to prepare because they know what you're going to do. They will do this even as v newborns, long before they out their arms up to be lifted. Does your dc do this? It might be reassuring.

Yabu, but understably so.

I have 2 ds’s - ds1 is autistic and until about 1yo was giggly, eye contact, fascinated by people. Ds2 in NT and was famous in village for being the most serious, painfully shy baby who wouldn’t look at anyone. He’s now 3 and is far more socially adept than I could ever dream to be.

Thank you for your replies - I find it equally soothing to be told it's normal as I do to be told that autism isn't the end of the world. I love her so very much no matter what, but the thought of parenting a SN child terrifies me. I know it depends very much on every child and their circumstances, but many of the parents of SN children that I know seem utterly exhausted, there's fuck all support, and it never ends.

I have 2 children with SN and 1 child who is NT. I get it, I do. The breast feeding thing you have described beautifully is what BF babies do when they are breastfeeding. Google some breastfeeding videos and I promise you'll see loads of babies doing little half star-jumps with their upper, free hand.

The repetitive movement of opening and closing is also very typical of a baby at this age, as they are preparing and practicing their pincer grasp, which has to develop from a whole palm grab.

Now, none of that is saying that your overall concerns are not founded, or that you shouldn't be concerned or keeping an eye out for ASD signs if there are strong family trends. But those two things are very typical. Have you looked up a developmental milestones chart? It might reassure you. There are huge changes that take place in the early months and it's quite fascinating how they develop.

I think she does tense up actually. Say she's on her play gym and I'll say "right DD let's go and change your nappy" she'll go all stiff and straight and look at me.

The arm basically moves in the way it does when you see someone doing a star jump-sort of straight out and up and down--and this will go on for the whole feed

This is very typical ime - everything you describe is. I can remember seeing a baby do this with his little hand tangled in his mum's long hair - lovely image.

My eldest smiled at everything from the age of 6 weeks. He is now a quite serious, introverted adult. My middle one was a solemn serious baby. She is an emotional huggy sweetheart at 18.

My friend had a baby who I honestly thought did have autism at that age -or maybe 6 months old. He didn't make any eye contact, wasn't interested in interacting, very odd. He is a charming, slightly quirky, perfectly lovely, neurotypical 12 year old now.

I think you need to try to relax because honestly there is nothing you can do right now but enjoy your lovely baby. I do think you should reach out for help with your anxiety - it does sound like it is really crippling.

Sounds similar to DS, who is now 7 and NT. He used to repeatedly raise his arm (fist clenched) and bring it down hard on my boob when feeding. Still wince thinking about it.

Thank you, it's good to know the star jump thing is normal!

I can usually rationalise away my anxieties but in this case the family history means its common sense to keep an eye out, and that means I can't rationalise it away.

Also I tell myself I'm just being realistic when actually I'm catastrophising

I have a child with autism and one without and none of what you describe jumps out at me except possibly the "serious baby" comment. But she's still very very small and if your anxious she will get that too. The star jump comment made me shudder a little bit though. I've had one with infantile spasms which looks an awful lot like a star jump. It might worth having a look at those videos but then don't go any further because it's not a rabbit hole you want to go down if you don't have to - trust me!

There you go! I've read that's an early sign of theory of mind.