To think my four month old baby is autistic...

[Jiminybikkit]

As above really. DD is four months old. There is autism in DH's family, three of his siblings children have it. So for full disclosure, I'm an anxious person and it was always in my head as a possibility.

DD does smile and make eye contact, but she doesn't do it as regularly as I'd expect and often actively avoids it. She seems quite serious - someone will be playing peekaboo and there will be no reaction, or not for a long time. She doesn't babble, but she grunts, hums and blows raspberries. The odd 'ehhh" sound, but she seems to be quite a quiet baby, though she recently started squawking in excitement when we shook a maraca at her.

Rolls from side to side, but not over all the way. Always wants to be held up on her feet - goes through periods where she simply never stays still, and is wriggling, twitching and flailing for ages.

The things that really worry me- when she's feeding (breastfed) she does this really weird repetitive movement with the arm that's on the upper side. The arm basically moves in the way it does when you see someone doing a star jump-sort of straight out and up and down--and this will go on for the whole feed. She also opens and closes her hands a lot too, I've seen the children in DH family do similar and it was mentioned as a sign of autism. She does grasp things and brings them to her mouth, and she eats and sleeps well.

I know all this sounds like it could be any baby, but I have a niggling anxiety that it is something more, though I'm not sure if it's mother's instinct or if I am over anxious and feel autism is inevitable - every one of my PILS grandchildren has a diagnosis of some sort.

One of my nephews is autistic. He didn't make any eye contact as a baby. Not once.

My neighbour described her severely autistic son as a serious baby too, and also said there was little reaction to things other babies would react to (he can’t interact with others at all and likely will be put in a home when neighbours are too old to care for him). If you’re worried raise your concerns with his pediatrician / mid-wife and tell them clearly that your dh has autism running in his family — severe autism can sometimes be flagged before 1-2.

Onweekleft piss off! Do you really think you are helping a new mothers anxiety levels? No. Then shut up and go away

My 9 yo dd is autistic, she showed very little sign as a baby, in fact her wonderful eye contact and fast development were what hilighted my ds’s differences as she seemed such a social baby. She is still amazing with eye contact, she is very theatrical, an amazing singer, she sings for a choir, loves reading (is Harry Potter mad) is an excellent artist and has several friends in her small school. She is still autistic. She is kind, gentle, empathic, loving and sweet natured. Her autism is just a small part of who she is

As a Mother to two autistic children, let me tell you this, it is not the end of the world if your dd has autism. In all likelihood, as a girl, your dd would struggle for diagnosis even if she is on the spectrum. As girls present differently.

In all likelihood your baby is not on the spectrum. My ds showed signs as a baby, he hated bright lights, any noises/ distractions, so I had to breastfeed him in the dark in a quiet room. He adored me, my Mother and his Daddy but would not go to anyone else. He started to get frustrated when he was around your ds’s age as he couldn’t communicate his needs. At five- six months I started teaching him baby sign language which he LOVED and picked up really well. I also used word books and spent a lot of time sitting pointing at the pictures, saying and signing the words. As a result he was verbally very advanced, I did the same with dd and she was verbally very advanced too. Ds is 11 now, very intelligent, kind, loving and an amazing son.

In your shoes I would look into baby sign language classes or the tinytalk course you can use at home with your baby. I would also be as attached as possible to your dd, I attachment parented both babies and it was a great comfort to them. I would look on YouTube for videos and talks by Dr Tony Attwood. He has videos on autism in both boys and girls. He also has a lot of different books available to read. Forearmed is forewarned, so look up different strategies to help babies with social skills etc.

Children on the spectrum tend to become very overwhelmed by noises, smells and strangers, so you can help this by trying to avoid situations where their senses are going to be totally overwhelmed. Carrying baby in a sling facing inwards is great for this, as they have your heartbeat, your smell and the comfort of being so close to you as well as the smell of your milk (if you bf). Or in her pram facing you, rather than facing away from you.

There is no increase in autism directly related to vaccines. Of course it's possible that some ingredient in vaccines along with thousands of other things we come into contact with every day is increasing the levels of autism but since you can't avoid all of it, it's not a good reason to avoid vaccines considering that they do offer such an enormous benefit. The levels of mercury, thiomersol etc are many many times lower than the amount considered to cause a risk. If you're worried about environmental contaminants it would make more sense to put your efforts into avoiding things which are less beneficial to your child's health such as plastics, processed food, pesticides, flame retardants etc.

Your baby sounds like a totally normal 4 month old to me - I have a 4 month old too and he is my second and he is very different to my first, so some differences between babies can also be their personalities. Do you know many other babies the same age? Of course this may increase anxiety if there are particular things you're worried about but it could also calm your fears if you're able to see that babies even of this age have huge differences in their abilities and preferences.

For example, my first baby was very determined to move (I just looked up my old diary today, and he was rolling already, whereas his brother is not), and he used to react with total delight when I kissed him whereas DS2 doesn't really react to kisses at all. But DS2 is very vocal whereas DS1 was not at all vocal until he was older. I get lots of intense long eye contact from DS2, I don't remember if I did from DS1 - but the lack of this can absolutely be personality, not a sign of autism. DS2 is very intent and concentrated on things and tends to study things quite hard and seems to have an air of taking it all in and working it all out whereas DS1 wanted to get into things and do them and has always loved social contact/affection to the point of being quite clingy.

Interestingly DS1 has ADHD, but it's pretty mild (it's extremely similar to mine, which was not picked up as a child at all.)

To go through your points:

How regularly would you expect eye contact? Your expectations may be off. I'd say it's fairly normal for them to want to look at other things. When younger than this they can't focus on faces very well and tend to look at abstract but high contrast patterns. By 3-4 months they start to see faces better and pay them more attention, but other things are still interested. They won't be glued to you all the time.

It is WAY too early for peekaboo and babbling. Totally normal for them not to react to this yet and babbling is when they start making consonant sounds and IIRC is more like 8 months, not 4.

Rolling isn't expected until 5 months, if it happens before it's early, so you're fine there. It's totally common for them to want to be held on their feet, if tiresome. Both of mine have liked this. DS1 even used to try and stand in a sling!

To me it would be strange for a young baby to be still, that's not very natural for them aside from perhaps when they are asleep (and even then a lot of them are twitchy/wiggly).

Repetitive movements at this age are her learning how to manipulate her arms, hands, objects. This is absolutely normal and actually a really good sign because it shows that she's practising things. DS2 does this a LOT and we'll often notice that for a few days at a time he'll repeat a certain action and then a couple of weeks later, it's perfect and he can do it without thinking.

I have to run as he's crying but will continue on phone :)

It's understandable you are on the look out, but you don't need to be. If your DD has autism, it will become more apparent as she gets older. Even if you could diagnose it at 4 months, there is no rush to do so.

I think the anxiety you describe is very normal, but maybe something you might like to discuss with your GP.

I'm back.

Opening and closing hands, again, is a developmental skill at this age. They will have a reflex that if something is placed in/near their hands that they will grasp onto it. Soon (perhaps already) she will start to understand that when she sees an item in front of her, she can use her hands to pick it up, enabling her to explore it with her mouth and later to manipulate it in other ways. With the first grasping reflex, they can pick things up but not voluntarily let go. They only let go of things by accident when their attention is focused elsewhere. By about six or seven months they learn to drop things and after this they learn to pass objects from one hand to the other. So lots and lots of skills involving opening and closing her hands, which she is in the process of attaining. Therefore it's totally normal for her to be repeating these movements a lot. It's like when you learn a skill like riding a bicycle or doing yoga or playing an instrument - you have to repeat the physical steps a lot until they become second nature. I expect when you use your hands, you don't think about the physical process of opening and closing your fingers, but your baby does, because she is only just learning how to do that for the first time.

The reason these things are flagged up as important for autism is not because they are completely abnormal behaviour but because in an older child it would not be developmentally appropriate - because they should have already mastered those skills. If they are still doing these repetitive movements when older it is because either they have still not mastered a skill or in the case of autism it can be about self stim type behaviour. Either way, it is absolutely nothing to worry about, because at your baby's age it is a totally normal developmental milestone.

Lastly I wanted to talk about the fear and anxiety generally. As others have said yes it might be a really good idea to speak to your GP about this, because postnatal anxiety is a thing and if excess worry is clouding your first few months with your child that's not going to be ideal for anyone. But from another angle as well - DH and I have higher chances than usual, due to a genetic problem, that we will have a child with disabilities. Because it's a known issue, we are able to have genetic testing done in pregnancy however we are still higher risk than the general population for a particular syndrome which is rare and has very similar symptoms to severe autism plus a few other health issues, it's not nice, and it would undoubtedly be difficult to cope with. In some cases it can be very mild and just cause learning difficulties but this is not the majority of the time. Our overall chances for having a child with this disorder are still low, but hundreds or thousands of times higher than for most people.

We didnt get to find this out until later in pregnancy and we could have had testing for it, but it carried a risk and essentially DH said he would do it if I really wanted to but he didn't think he could cope with the testing. There was a time during this pregnancy that it totally ruined it for me and in fact I don't think I ever really let myself relax and enjoy the pregnancy properly after that because I was so scared. One of the symptoms of the disorder is that children with it tend to smile more than usual, and one of our ultrasound pictures had a funny angle which looked like the baby was smiling. I couldn't look at it without bursting into tears and being terrified. It wasn't even so much that I was scared he had the problem, it was more that I realised I would absolutely always be looking for symptoms and that I could not just relax and enjoy my pregnancy and baby. It totally threw me and I wanted to have the test to put my mind at rest, until DH pointed out that a test doesn't rule out everything so you could constantly be looking and afraid or you could just love the child you have. So I felt like I had a choice, come to terms with the fact that there is always a risk that something will be "different", or be scared, always. I accepted it and decided to enjoy everything that I got with no "predicting the future" allowed. I started buying baby clothes with slogans like "always happy" even though the sentiment had upset me previously. I decided fuck it, if being happy is his thing, I mean, there are plenty of worse things than that. And autism/ADHD are not even particularly awful things to be worried about. Yes, some cases of autism associated with global delays can be a huge amount of work for the parents but many, many people with autism are totally happy, "normal" adults. Many adults were not even diagnosed as children, the increase in diagnosis is likely to be because we have better understanding of it nowadays.

If it runs in DH's family, then you probably do have higher chances than most people - is that a reason to worry and obsess and make yourself anxious about your tiny baby's development? No it is not - that will do no good and serve no purpose. Learn about autism and ADHD, so that if your child or any future ones do have it, you are best placed to support them - that would be a fantastic thing to do. Bear in mind also that most resources are out there for people who need support and therefore people who are struggling with bad days or the tougher aspects. Above all, look at who your baby is now, what amazing things she is doing and learning, and enjoy learning who she is, not being worried about whether she is becoming the person you would like her to or the person you are frightened she might be. She is just her, and you will find that she is perfect to you, whatever she is like, I promise.

My baby was a bit like yours- always described as serious too! I used to look at her scowling/staring blankly back from the buggy and wonder what the heck I could do. This went on up until she was about 8 months I'd say. She's now 14 months and a.very happy baby, who smiles, babbles, laughs, plays games to make us laugh etc. I think her seriousness was more about taking everything in.

I completely understand your anxiety. I have similar concerns and my dd is the same age. She does the star jump movement with her hand and hits my boob too. Like you I also have horrible visions of things happening to her.

I'd take comfort from some of the posts on here.

X

If she has it, it's development and it will be.
Please don't worry. Things are moving forwards with regards to female autism and diagnosis.

She may not have it at all but be showing a few traits. Likely if it runs in the family.

If it is, all you can do is be up to date with strategies and practices. Be aware, but don't let this creeping doubt rob you of your precious moments with her.

I have children with high functioning autism (Aspergers), they are so different from each other.

Prepare, read, but keep an open mind. It's highly possible it might be a few traits you are observing rather than a condition.

Almost impossible to diagnose autism before 18 months and that's only the most severe cases. Autism is also more common in boys than girls. So I'd say there's really no way you would know if your 4 month old DD has ASD. Try to enjoy her baby months and years while you can.

@Jiminybikkit- I understand why you have the concerns you have, but ultimately you need to talk to someone and adress them. She may or may not. Nothing will change that. But you can control the anxiety you have over thinking about it. Earliest intervention (in Australia) is about 18 months old. How about for you? I had similar concerns- I found having a plan in mind worked. At 18 months I could request and access this and this service, so no point in stressing before then. Would something like that work for you?

The other side to the coin - I had my son re-examined by the pared hours after his birth as I just knew something wasnt right. The paed went along with my concerns but then dismissed them. My thoughts never left me. At 4 months I read a half page article in the woman’s own about a condition called autism. The mum had had a feeling since day 1 about her child. This was 28 years ago. After reading the article I knew my son was autistic and when he was 8 months old I started to say - I think DS is autistic. He is. Severely.

Contrary to popular belief it is possible to tell if a child is on the spectrum from a very young age.

Is the OP’s child on the spectrum. I have absolutely no idea but if I were her I’d have my concerns noted and I’ve since come across many parents who had concerns from days in. It’s even possible to look back on pictures and videos from the time a baby is months old and see obvious signs of the child being on the spectrum.

Contrary to what everyone else is saying, I suspected my son was on the spectrum from the age of four months. In fact, I absolutely knew it. He screamed all the time, would only nurse to sleep in the dark with the aid of the vacuum blaring in the background, and was so stressed if he wasn’t in motion. Much of that was down to silent reflux, which was pretty severe until he turned one, but from going to umpteen baby groups, I knew he was “different”.

Then as he hit 15-18 months, there were things like hand flapping to the washing machine, being distressed with loud noises and environments etc., and then at two wanting me to read him 30-40 books a day. It was all so extreme. There was never a language delay—quite the opposite—and his eye contact and age-appropriate sense of humor were intact.

So we did a full battery of testing (including the ADOS test) and he was diagnosed ASD at 3 years two months and now, at the age of 7.5, his school says he’s SPD but not ASD. He’s really sociable, outgoing, has lots of friends and is bright as a button. His sensitivity as a baby has translated into him being an empathetic and loving child. He does love a timetable, but is adaptable about changes in a way I thought impossible when he was age 4-5.

You admit you’re anxious—I, too, was a bag of nerves—but sometimes you just know in your gut. I think the family history is mostly what’s nagging at you, as I don’t think there’s much in your daughter’s development that stands out as extreme.

OP - I know science won’t necessarily alleviate your anxiety, but I thought it might help you to have some numbers. Based on what you’ve said, it’s your child’s cousins who are all not NT? You mention they all have either ASD or ADHD.

According to this study, the risk of ASD in a child if cousins have it is only 2-fold. So that’s double the existing 1.2% (for a girl - it could be 2% for a boy). You’re talking about a less than 3% risk. There are a lot of other things your child has a greater than 3% risk of.
Link for 1.2% statistic: m.medicalxpress.com/news/2017-09-largest-date-reveals-gender-specific-autism.html
Link for cousin (and sibling) study: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4381277/#!po=0.781250

As for ADHD, the risk is roughly two-fold for cousins as well, according to a study. However, it’s tougher to provide numbers on the original risk as groups disagree - just that the risk is about double for boys than for girls. So you’re still facing a much smaller risk as you have a daughter.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/27545745/

We are just barely starting to understand what affects the development of autism as far as genetic or environmental risk factors, same with ADHD. I imagine, in the end, it may be a mixture of both. But health anxiety will rob you of joy, and is definitely something worth getting checked out now, so you can enjoy every step of raising your child.

@PollyFlinderz @stopgap

What is being said is that ASD cannot be reliably diagnosed before 18 months. No specialist will ever be comfortable diagnosing before this time because there are so many things associated with ASD that are also part of typical development, and a baby who seems "off" or "behind" at 8 months may be completely neurotypical and be on track at 2 years old.

As a parent you can have a feeling based on observation, but you will not have a definitive answer until the child is older. And even when there is an answer, often the treatment or interventions aren't suitable for babies and need to wait until a later stage.

So OP can worry and stress for the next 1-2 years until she can get a diagnosis, or she can try to relax and accept her baby as she is now, watch how she develops, and take steps when appropriate.

You've described my DD at that age. She's now 10 months and so different, like a different baby actually. It's far too early to tell, your baby sounds fine.

Four months is still young to be rolling over, DD did it a couple of weeks ago at 4 months but many of the babies in her classes have not yet done it and they are older than her, I also know babies who haven't rolled until 7/8 months and some that skip it all together.

The rolling side to side is exactly how it starts, she'll get there. I can't really comment on the rest but it all sounds typical to me who has a DD the same age (5 months on Wednesday).

I think you need to try and push this from your mind and not look for signs in everything she does/doesn't do. If she is autistic then you can cross that bridge when she is diagnosed at a later age.

I completely understand your anxiety, with autism being in my family I was always on the look and googling. My nephew has such severe autism that he doesn’t talk at 14 years old.

All I can say is that in time do you learn to relax about it all. My little boy is now 14 months and been in nursery for 4, he’s so sociable and playful and I try and focus on that. What will be will be. I hope you find relief soon

However, I can completely relate to your anxiety and the image you gave about the truck. Every time we're in the car, I have visions of crashing and either both of us dying, just her and her leaving me and how it would ruin me and if I died and she had to grow up without a mum and how I would never know how she lived her life.

I can distract myself more often than not but it is very invasive.

Whether she is or isn't you cant do much about it at this point and as pps have said, the main thing is to enjoy your baby.

Personally I'm more shocked at the midwife still using the term Simian crease!

Honestly I think that anyone who is convinced a child under the age of two has autism is being unreasonable. All children exhibit autistic behaviours right up until they are toddlers. Lacking social skills, being self centred, refusing eye contact, poor motor control, lacking empathy. Also exhibition of these traits isn't enough to warrant a diagnosis unless the behaviours significantly and negatively impact the child's life. Just enjoy your baby.

I have a 5 month old who does exactly the same or sounds the same as your 4 month old. Am I worried? No because he is a normal 5 month old baby.

Id just keep an eye, love your baby and do all the normal things.
If autism is pretty common in your family, its wise and sensible to keep your eyes open for traits as in my experience, putting support in place ready for school at pre school level is easier than at school, and the earlier the better. It is not the end of the world. Not even close.
I have 3 aspie kids and am aspie myself. Ds2 I started suspecting as a baby. Has been a blessing to get him on a support pathway from young and i think its massively benefitted him, compared to some of the crap we went through to get support for the others.

I also found people dismissing my valid concerns and observations as "just his age", just what boys are like, oh thats because theyre the youngest, thats what its like with brothers, theyre all like that sometimes, thats because youre not doing so and so, SUPREMELY unhelpful, and made me feel in a constant state of second guessing myself about it, rather than out my mind at rest.

If you as the mother are noticing little signs a lot, and there is a family history, then youre doing a good job. Its not a medical emergency or a flaw. But keep your eye, speak to the health visitor. Doesnt mean youre not enjoying your baby ffs

Your baby sounds really similar to my little girl. She never did those huge belly laughs and smiles were hard to get, particularly for strangers. It was all on her own terms. She wasn't a big babbler, and she didn't roll until about 6 mobths and crawl until 8 months.

She is now a completely happy, healthy normal 2 year old, and dare I say it, quite clever with it. She speaks like a 4 year old- full sentences and understands how to put unfamiliar language together. It's just her nature to stand back and observe new experiences and the unfamiliar. If we take her to a new soft play for example she will hang back and observe everyone for 10 mins until she's comfortable diving in, and I think that's a continuation of her quiet, watchful behaviour as a baby.

She used to repetitively pinch my boob whilst feeding too, they all do that.

Enjoy your baby!