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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my four month old baby is autistic...

101 replies

Jiminybikkit · 16/12/2018 20:22

As above really. DD is four months old. There is autism in DH's family, three of his siblings children have it. So for full disclosure, I'm an anxious person and it was always in my head as a possibility.

DD does smile and make eye contact, but she doesn't do it as regularly as I'd expect and often actively avoids it. She seems quite serious - someone will be playing peekaboo and there will be no reaction, or not for a long time. She doesn't babble, but she grunts, hums and blows raspberries. The odd 'ehhh" sound, but she seems to be quite a quiet baby, though she recently started squawking in excitement when we shook a maraca at her.

Rolls from side to side, but not over all the way. Always wants to be held up on her feet - goes through periods where she simply never stays still, and is wriggling, twitching and flailing for ages.

The things that really worry me- when she's feeding (breastfed) she does this really weird repetitive movement with the arm that's on the upper side. The arm basically moves in the way it does when you see someone doing a star jump-sort of straight out and up and down--and this will go on for the whole feed. She also opens and closes her hands a lot too, I've seen the children in DH family do similar and it was mentioned as a sign of autism. She does grasp things and brings them to her mouth, and she eats and sleeps well.

I know all this sounds like it could be any baby, but I have a niggling anxiety that it is something more, though I'm not sure if it's mother's instinct or if I am over anxious and feel autism is inevitable - every one of my PILS grandchildren has a diagnosis of some sort.

OP posts:

QuestionableMouse · 16/12/2018 20:50

Most babies only start to babble at around four months but many will start later than that and be perfectly fine.

Pinkhorses · 16/12/2018 20:51

I remember having such thoughts. My baby was so old when she rolled over and just used to lie there and grunt and tense her body. At that age there was no laughter and just rare smiles. Other babies seemed to be coping and smiling constantly . Now she’s a funny 7 year old that thinks she’s a comedian.
-Also I read that those thoughts that pop into your head about the pram falling into traffic etc are normal. Especially when you feeling relaxed and happy . I think they help you to keep vigilant .

Blueblueyellow · 16/12/2018 20:52

Sounds normal to me. My baby is 6 months old and I have a toddler. 6 month old did, and does exactly what your DC does and my toddler did the same. Bf both and they did the star jump arm thing.6 month old doesn't babble but makes nosies and squeaks too when excited!but Op it is very hard not to worry but it will get easier. Enjoy your baby, soon enough they will start pinching and biting your boob

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 16/12/2018 20:52

As a parent to a child with ASD, I'd say 4 months is much too young to know a great deal. DS13's quirks and behaviours became noticeable around 18 months but it wasn't til he was about 4 that we felt certain. Babies do all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons, and none of those things are guarantees of ASD.

With it being a part of your family's lives, take note of how she develops, track it even because it's always useful if it comes to diagnosis having those times and dates to hand. But is it also possible in the meantime to find some support for your anxiety, and to do it before your DD is old enough to feel your concern for her?

Allfednonedead · 16/12/2018 21:00

I have one with ASD, one clearly NT and one that might just possibly have ASD or ADHD. Your baby sounds completely normal, but even if it turns out she has ASD, it’s very far from the end of the world.
My ASD child is a joy to me. He is clever and funny and affectionate. He is so talented and has strengths and skills I would never aspire to. I would love to wave a wand and soothe his anxiety, but I wouldn’t change him in any other way.
And the other two are just as good. Being a parent is tough. Being a parent of a SN child is also tough, but I’m not sure it is always tougher. And the joy makes it more than worth it (for me).
Intrusive thoughts are common, and certainly among my antenatal group they were much more common while on mat leave. If you feel they are affecting your enjoyment of life, talk to your GP or health visitor - there is help to manage them.

Jezzifishie · 16/12/2018 21:00

Try not to panic about the simian crease (though I know it's hard!) A friend of mine commented on DD's simian crease when when was 2 days old. I'd never heard of it, promptly looked at my hands and realised that I had it too. I fell down the rabbit hole on wikipedia/google and diagnosed DD (and myself) with all sorts of things. Bizarrely, DD has a simian crease on one hand, and two lines on the other!

sar302 · 16/12/2018 21:00

I would definitely go and see someone regarding your anxious thoughts if they continue. I do understand your pain. When my boy was tiny, every time I closed my eyes at night, I could immediately see every way possible he could die. It was draining. There are ways to address those negative / anxious thoughts though.

The reality is that even if he does have ASD, you are months - years - away from getting a diagnosis. And you can't worry about it every day for years, or you'll drive yourself mad.x

KateGrey · 16/12/2018 21:06

It sounds like your anxiety in general is causing you a lot of problems. Have you considered some help for that? Maybe a chat with the GP. Please don’t worry. Your dd shows like a lot of other babies at her age. My youngest loved peekaboo but she regressed at 2. All babies are different and some children are more serious. But please do seek help for your anxiety.

Lovemusic33 · 16/12/2018 21:15

She sounds normal for a 4 month old. I know it’s easy to get anxious when it’s in the family.

I have 2 dd’s with ASD, dd1 was clearly autistic from very early on, she hated being touched, hated people talking too her, she hated the car, never slept, hated the bath, hated being changed (basically no one could hold her, change her or even look at her without her crying), I felt like I had the devil child, she cried all the time. She was diagnosed with Aspergers at 3 years old.

Dd2 seemed to be the complete opposite, chilled out baby, would let anyone hold her, always happy and slept well. She was diagnosed with ASD at the age of 2.5 and she’s more severely autistic than her sister.

Please try not to stress (babies pick up on stress), what will be will be, if she has ASD then there’s nothing you can do right now other than enjoy her. She sounds completely normal for a 4 month old.

Ohyesiam · 16/12/2018 21:17

My dd always used to do the star jump arm thing. She’s not autistic or anywhere near that side of the spectrum, she’s got more social skills at 14 than I had at 21.

WeMarchOn · 16/12/2018 21:20

As someone who is Autistic I will tell you it's not the end of the world, I have been married 12 years and have 3 children so it's ok! 4 months though you won't be able to tell

Goldmandra · 16/12/2018 21:20

The thing is that, if you described most children with ASD in an OP on here, you would get lots of replies to say they sound perfectly normal. That's because it there can be subtle differences between the two sets of behaviour that are almost impossible to describe to others face to face, never mind on an internet forum.

When I looked back, I could see the signs in both DDs babyhoods. They have both their challenges but most people can't tell that they have ASD and I wouldn't change them for the world.

Tinyteatime · 16/12/2018 21:21

She sounds completely normal OP. I do understand the anxiety though. I have the same sort of thing and have been analysing my 3 month olds behaviour too!

RitaFairclough · 16/12/2018 21:29

My son has ADHD. He is 9 now and looking back he was definitely ‘different’ as a toddler, but not as a tiny baby. In fact, he was a much calmer, more placid baby than his brother who is NT.

I am also v anxious so I understand, but this is totally out of your control. Either your baby will have ASD or ADHD or she won’t - nothing you do will change that. Just love her and give her all the cuddles and she will be fine.

bathsh3ba · 16/12/2018 21:29

From someone with a lot of personal and professional experience of autism and who has watched her own daughters like hawks for signs ... It is really too early to tell. My definitely NT daughter didn't babble till 12 months and made little eye contact till 6 months. My possibly mildly autistic daughter was the smiliest, most interactive baby ever.

Autism is such a wide spectrum and it does not have to be a disaster. Autistic people have lots of strengths as well as needs. And my severely disabled sister is the happiest person I know and we only had to 'fight' for support once.

I know it's hard not to worry but try to enjoy her.

deste · 16/12/2018 21:33

This describes my almost 4 month old granddaughter to a tee. When she is not smiling I say she has on her stern face.

HeyJupiter · 16/12/2018 21:38

Your daughter sounds totally on track. All those behaviours are very typical.

I have a 12 month old and have lost the last 10 months to fears of autism. Obsessive and irrational thoughts which have left me very depressed. I’m only just coming out the other side and I so hope that you can avoid this. Genetically you might have a slightly increased risk but it is still so much more likely she will be NT. Hope you’re okay.

Worieddd · 16/12/2018 22:14

She’s 4 months old and sounds completely normal to me!

HolesinTheSoles · 16/12/2018 22:36

It's difficult because there is a reasonable chance of your DC having ASD given the family history. I think what you need to come to terms with is the uncertainty (obviously at 4 months lots of NT babies will do exactly what your baby is doing - it's just too young to have answers). It's incredibly difficult but try to enjoy DD for who she is now and not focus too much on the future. I think you also have to have the confidence to know you'll cope if DD does have ASD.

holidaylady · 16/12/2018 22:45

It sounds like you've gone from normal new mummy -omg the world is a terrible place- and done a whole lot more catastrophising on top.

Yes your family has a genetic trait. However your baby is very young and you sound very responsive to her needs.

I recommend you see your GP and explain how you feel and can you have help managing your anxiety levels.

Mumoftwinsandanother · 16/12/2018 22:51

As others have said it all sounds very normal 4 month old baby, I really think its impossible to tell yet although by 9-12 months can be possible. My friend's child has what would be described as severe non-verbal autism and it was very obvious before a year old, never reacting to what mum said or looking back at her and trying to communicate, never smiling at people. She has a NT twin so the comparison is quite obvious.
I have 2 NT children and a son with ASD. I had the NT two first and it wasn't obvious to me that there was any kind of difference until he was about 18 months.
I would also say try not to worry until you know you have something to worry about. In particular, don't be anxious about autism, I know it can be hard for lots of people, but then so can children in general, they always have some kind of issue or something that makes you worry. I have spent this evening talking to my husband about all my worries for both of my NT children and haven't worried once about the asd one (although it'll be his turn tomorrow I am sure). I love having my asd boy, I don't see it as less or not so good or a worse existence. He has a fabulous life perspective, sees so much more than NT me, NT DH and NT DDs. He wasn't quite what I was expecting but he makes our life so much richer in every way. Any problems we have come from the perspective of others and their narrow viewpoints.

Oneweekleft · 16/12/2018 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 16/12/2018 23:18

Hi OP

I have a simian crease in one hand. It's a sign of a lot of genetic disorders (like downs syndrome) that would most likely have been picked up by now. But if it's in one hand only it's most likely nothing. I gave just Googled and found one study that looked at this and autism and in one hand there was no correlation.

Most 4 month olds will not yet babble or roll all the way over, this is totally normal

The feeding and hitting is totally normal. They hit the breast to stimulate the milk supply. They are meant to do this. Look at other mammals like lambs - they will sometime head but the teat before feeding for the same reason

littlestrawby · 16/12/2018 23:19

If it helps at all your DD sounds rather like how mine was at that age. It was hard work to get a smile or giggle out of her and she had a flappy arm when tired or excited...also always wanted to stand and never stayed still.

She's now one year old and is an absolute delight, such a cheeky and developed sense of humour (peekaboo was clearly just too simple to amuse her!). She started walking at 9 months and never stays still, is very smiley and giggly (if she deems something to be funny- we've learnt what passes scrutiny now!). She seems to have grown out of the flapping arm as well, it did used to worry me but I've not seen it for a while now.

So, while I can understand the worry, from what you have said she sounds completely normal and I bet in a few months you'll have a little firecracker on your hands :)

littlestrawby · 16/12/2018 23:23

Reseaech the links between Autism and vaccines

Don't do this - it's been proven to be absolute nonsense

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