To think my four month old baby is autistic...

[Jiminybikkit]

As above really. DD is four months old. There is autism in DH's family, three of his siblings children have it. So for full disclosure, I'm an anxious person and it was always in my head as a possibility.

DD does smile and make eye contact, but she doesn't do it as regularly as I'd expect and often actively avoids it. She seems quite serious - someone will be playing peekaboo and there will be no reaction, or not for a long time. She doesn't babble, but she grunts, hums and blows raspberries. The odd 'ehhh" sound, but she seems to be quite a quiet baby, though she recently started squawking in excitement when we shook a maraca at her.

Rolls from side to side, but not over all the way. Always wants to be held up on her feet - goes through periods where she simply never stays still, and is wriggling, twitching and flailing for ages.

The things that really worry me- when she's feeding (breastfed) she does this really weird repetitive movement with the arm that's on the upper side. The arm basically moves in the way it does when you see someone doing a star jump-sort of straight out and up and down--and this will go on for the whole feed. She also opens and closes her hands a lot too, I've seen the children in DH family do similar and it was mentioned as a sign of autism. She does grasp things and brings them to her mouth, and she eats and sleeps well.

I know all this sounds like it could be any baby, but I have a niggling anxiety that it is something more, though I'm not sure if it's mother's instinct or if I am over anxious and feel autism is inevitable - every one of my PILS grandchildren has a diagnosis of some sort.

A lot of people who say their kids were like this really young but are "happy and healthy" now, are missing what is a massive massive issue for girls especially, but also some boys getting recognised and the right support put in place to manage and get through an education system that relies so damn heavily on resilience, being socially adept and fitting right in.
I could not have told you my daughter was autistic at 4 months, or two years. Most of my kids met the normal milestones. Only one had late speech. I wish some of you people got it a bit better tbh.

OP, you wont get an answer asking people on mumsnet, and you wont get an answer asking your friends and family because EVERYONE will say "oh they all do it, or thats normal" They even did it to my son that was jumping and flapping and no eye contact at all. Its just what people do.
Chances are you wont be taken seriously at this age, but thats actually a shame, because the best educational and social success rates come from early intervention, and of course, if they did assess her later they wont find whats not there because the criteria is pretty strict to meet, but it is absolutely worth mentioning your concerns and having it on their radar if there is family history AND signs

She sounds like a pretty normal 4-month old to me. If you're still worried, see your GP, as much for yourself as for baby.

I've also had this fear, a lot. I just wanted to link to this blog, which I found incredibly helpful (it's written by a child development expert): childmyths.blogspot.com/2015/10/on-rolling-over-and-autism-latest.html

I'm going to copy and paste the first paragraph here because I think it's so helpful - and it's something no one else (and none of the million 'does your newborn have autism? We can't tell you but here's some nebulous possible signs!' websites) ever explained so clearly to me:

Over the last several years, I have had dozens of queries from concerned parents who had read some “red flag” websites that describe symptoms of autism. These parents were terribly worried that their babies did not make enough eye contact and that meant they would be autistic. There have been a few cases where the parent’s description was worrisome, but in most of the cases the problem was simply that the baby was very young. What those websites often neglect to tell you is that young babies normally show many of the behaviors that would be symptomatic of autism if they were older. The autistic toddler or preschooler continues to show some behaviors that are normal in earlier life; the typically-developing child stops doing things that belong to earlier development. Autism is primarily characterized by developmental delays, not by doing things that are never seen in the lives of typically-developing children. For example, the hand-flapping and toe-walking often noted as indications of autism are also seen in typically-developing children, but at an earlier period of development.

To add to the above, repetitive hand/arm movements are totally normal in young children. The reason that they are associated with autism is that nt children tend to grow out of them by age 3 or 4 whilst autistic children don't.

I’m late to the party and probably repeating what’s been said a lot but I have a simean crease on both hands as does an aunt (by marriage so nothing genetic). My dad freaked out about it when I was born, looking for downs then, but as it turns out it means nothing. I’m not familiar with autism at all but both me and my aunt lead pretty normal lives. Genetics is a wonderful thing and things get thrown in for seemingly no reason.

Outcomes and good quality of life for people with autism are boosted by attuned parenting (fairly obviously, as for all children) so you are one step ahead of the game if she is diagnosed later.

My eldest has
ASD, DPD and possibly ADHD, he's preverbal and still in nappies (he's 7.5). I had no idea until he was over three, partly down to my sister saying boys were often late talkers. I can look back and see things now - like the fact that he was very uninterested in most toys but spent so long on the baby gym that we called it baby Xbox. But he met all his milestones until 2. With my youngest, I was fairly sure she's NT from about 18 months, but not really sure until after 3. I am still on the look out for dyspraxia as she shows some signs (she's 4.5 and in reception), but I think I have been watching like a hawk after we were surprised by my son.
I know one or two people who have said that they knew their child was different as a baby as they had already had other kids. They're unusual, though. Most people don't see anything until 1-2, even if they have older children. No harm keeping an eye on it as she gets past one as ASD is very inherited, but try to carry on as normal and enjoy your baby as the chances are she won't have it.

That should say SPD not DPD!

Just want to add: I have seen very NT kids doing autistic type behaviours like flapping as late as age 6 when they're under stress. All kids do autistic things, they just do them less and grow out of them as they get older. We all have traits.

My DH has autism as well as his brother as well as my niece and nephew, so it's on both sides, I thought my DD had it but so far it seems like just a speech delay! So I wouldn't worry until 18-24 months that when signs usually start to show

I knew something was wrong with my DS pretty much from the word go. He had horrible silent reflux and had to feed to sleep in the dark with white noise absolutely blaring. He hated to be cuddled and screamed most of the day. Everyone told me I was crackers but I knew something wasn't right. Everyone questioning me only added to my mental strain. In the end I was right. It wasn't nice but at least I didn't feel quite so crazy.

I have cared for many babies, displaying a variety of the things you have described and they haven't all had autism. Would it help you to think even if you knew your baby was autistic, would you do anything different. Just love and care for her and see what happens later.

In the meantime, maybe have a chat to your GP about your anxiety. It must be awful to be so worried. Many parents worry unnecessarily about their babies - it's natural. Take care of yourself.

@IgglePiggleWiggle DC1 was exactly the same as a newborn. She’s NT.

All some of us are saying is that the things that are signs of ASD are common among babies and young children. So you can only know for sure as they get older and the majority age out of the behaviour.

She's so small still, far too early to be thinking about autism IMO.

FWIW DNephew got diagnosed with autism at 4, he regularly smiled at a baby & used to giggle his head off at peekaboo etc

What help will worrying actually be?

I mean it kindly, but worrying will do literally nothing. If you had no anxiety at all, you’d watch your child, love them and enjoy them and if there were concerns later on you’d address them.

All of the above is the same if you’re anxious about it except you’ll marr some of the enjoyment of bringing up your baby.

FWIW, my DS is autistic, albeit ‘high-functioning’. No family history, met his milestones unremarkably. It was around 18 months the signs started. If he’d been born 40 years ago he’d be ‘quirky’ but now we understand more and he has the support he needs to succeed.

I would prioritise dealing with your anxiety as it will give you more headspace going forward.

Thank you all so much. I have read and digested every comment, and I appreciate them all (except the anti vac twit) I've spoken to DH about it all and we absolutely agree that worrying won't change the outcome, however as some posters have suggested, due to the family history it would be wise to get our concerns logged just in case. We've seen the difference early intervention can make with the little cousins, it's invaluable. We're also looking into baby signing and have ordered a book called BabyTalk. I know it is probably overkill, but I worry less when I feel like I have a plan to follow, and it can only benefit DD. I feel less anxious about it though, and thank you to the poster who posted the statistics, I love a good statistic and that was very reassuring. Thank you all for sharing your personal experiences of autism - your children all sound lovely.

I'm nearly 31 and just got diagnosed. 4 months is a bit premature

@mikado1 that's nice. Irrelevant but nice

!! I reported it straight away!! 😳🙈

That sounds like a much more positive mindset OP - not so fearful, more being prepared. I hope it helps you live in the moment and enjoy finding out who your DD is as she grows as she will be a wonderful and unique person and that discovery experience of finding out who they are is really fantastic - you can't beat it. You'll be a champion for both her successes and challenges, and that's probably the best thing any child could ask for.

Fwiw my eldest (asd) developed and appeared completely NT until he was 13-14 months and started to regress. My youngest is now 5. Definitely NT but I was really concerned he’d have ASD as his brother did, but he doesn’t. So only time will tell & really you have a long time ahead of you before it ‘appears’ or not. Just be proactive with learning through play.

This sounds very normal for 4 months old. Babies this age don't always have a good grasp of "object permanence" (i.e. the idea that even if you can't see something it still exists) so may not get much enjoyment from peekaboo. As far as the hand thing, I have heard mums say their babies like to "twiddle" the opposite nipple while feeding. This may just be a normal variant of this behaviour.

I'd be more worried if she didn't like being touched or hugged.

@Notsurprisedatall i was 33 x