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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So shaken up

116 replies

fjsks843 · 15/12/2018 12:25

I'm in tears as I'm writing this. I feel so shaken and I'm not sure what I did or what happened.

I've just come back after going to town for some bits from the shop. I started to queue for my couple of items, and in front of me was a man andwho I assume was his daughter, probably around 6-7 years old. I stood behind them waiting, and the man kept looking at me with a really ugly look on his face, as if I was shit on his shoe. He then told his daughter to move to the other side, so away from me. She didn't, he looked round at me again, with that same expression, and said to her "move round here before I lose my temper with this woman."

I was very confused and said "Sorry, I don't understand?" and he ignored me, but kept looking back at me like he wanted to hit me. He then paid and left, and I was too shocked to contemplate what had happened.

For context, he was about 50, and a hge burly man. I am in my mid-20s, and about 5'2. I don't understand what I could have done to offend anyone, I was just queing. I left the shop and burst into tears.

It doesn't help that I've had terrible anxiety for the last few weeks anyway, and this incident has got me doubting my sanity. I'm wondering if I did something terrible and I can't remember. I felt very intimidated and threatened and I don't know what to do, whether I should call the shop and tell them but I'm not sure what it would achieve?

OP posts:

Kolo · 15/12/2018 13:04

His ‘reaction’ says everything about him and nothing about you. It’s him who has some sort of problem, that you’ll probably never know about. Don’t even think about it anymore.

Original poster

fjsks843 · 15/12/2018 13:04

@ChesterGreySideboard I didn't have a shopping bag, I was carrying very little so it would have been difficult to touch him. Though I'm so confused about the whole situation I'm doubting my own version of events

OP posts:

LarkDescending · 15/12/2018 13:05

You poor thing. It’s not your fault he’s a total twat. Perhaps he is the same idiot who tried to run me over on a zebra crossing the other day while cackling his head off and doing a V-sign out of the car window.

Feel only pity for his inadequacy as a human being.

3luckystars · 15/12/2018 13:05

Were you up on top of him?

I am extremely calm and mild mannered but i have had people way too close behind me in checkout queues and it reslly makes me angry! (one woman was nearly mounting my back) and it made me so cross that i wanted to growl at her and throw her shopping on the floor.

Thats the only thing i can think of. There really should be signs to have respect fkr people in checkouts.

If its any good to you, some idiot cancelled her online Christmas order on the 23rd so you might be in luck if you try online.

Best of luck and just put it behind you now.

buddy79 · 15/12/2018 13:06

What a horrible experience, I’m so sorry. No wonder you feel shaken. It is nothing to do with you - the man clearly has some issues and does not know how to behave. People just don’t realise the effect their behaviour can have on others. He’s probably forgotten all about it, as should you.

There was another v similar thread recently about a woman being laughed at by some students and feeling very shaken afterward, it was horrible.

Makes me determined to be nice to everyone and intervene if I witness this sort of thing! Put it behind you and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Or think of how a super confident celebrity would respond - I often imagine what someone super imperturbable and cutting like Jo Brand or similar would say to someone behaving like this, to cheer myself up, that might work!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 15/12/2018 13:06

He was a horrible bullying prick. Hugs OP x

Rainbunny · 15/12/2018 13:07

Oh, and please please don't waste a precious moment trying to think about what you "did" to provoke him. There's no sense or logic involved here, just a nasty bully.

InsomniacAnonymous · 15/12/2018 13:08

3luckystars "Were you up on top of him?"

No. The OP has already said she wasn't.

Original poster

fjsks843 · 15/12/2018 13:09

@3luckystars I wasn't close, I have a need for my own personal space so never get close to people. But it was a queue, and busy with Christmas coming up, so I just don't know what he thought.

OP posts:

ScreamingValenta · 15/12/2018 13:10

It's entirely possible that this jerk created some imaginary transgression on your part (you looked at him funny, stood too close to his dd, smiled at his dd or nothing at all even...)

An imaginary transgression was my first thought as well. Some people spend their lives seeking confrontation and aggression, and they think everyone else is like them, and so interpret totally innocent actions as a challenge to their self-importance.

staffiegirl · 15/12/2018 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reccy2018 · 15/12/2018 13:12

poor you, wish I could give you a hug. It sounds like you have been totally reasonable, particularly in trying to work out what it is you've done. That says a lot about you and I imagine he is in the wrong here

SleightOfMind · 15/12/2018 13:12

He must have mistaken you for someone else OP.
Either that or he’s completely insane. What a horrible thing to happen.

bobstersmum · 15/12/2018 13:13

You poor thing op, I hope you're OK. He sounds like a nutter.

3luckystars · 15/12/2018 13:14

Yeah well if you werent on top of him then just forget him so!

Think about this, if you saw someone was trans or badly scarred or an actual gorilla at the checkout, and you saw him do this to them, you would be furious and think he is a nasty man. But because he did it to you, you are so sensitive that you are questioning what you did.

Nothing.

He is a GHOUL.

CandyCreeper · 15/12/2018 13:15

I can only imagine you accidentally knocked him or his child. I got on the bus once and a bag on my pram knocked into a man, I immediately apologised but he called me a stupid bitch! some people are just nasty

HeathRobinson · 15/12/2018 13:18

I wonder if he was angry because you gave him space?
Like you thought there was something wrong with him and you didn't want to stand too close.

WTBE · 15/12/2018 13:18

Op this sounds horrible for you, I'm sorry.

His reason for acting the way he did? My bets are on absolutely nothing, some people are just wankers that like to bully people for no reason. Your anxiety is making you other think this, it wasn't anything you done apart from be near the arsehole. That poor child he was with too.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 15/12/2018 13:20

Some people are just ignorant.

I also hate people breathing down my neck when I am queuing. If someone is trying to creep up, then I maintain my personal space by putting one leg behind me so that my foot is in the way. Turning round with a polite but pointed look when they bump into it, does the trick and gets them to back off a bit.

WTBE · 15/12/2018 13:20

Overthink*

Lovemusic33 · 15/12/2018 13:21

Stop overthinking it, it’s not worth it, he was a twat end of. OP, you can keep questioning yourself but you will never know why he acted that way, don’t waste your time questioning it, it happened, you did nothing wrong, some people are just nasty. Try and forget it, he’s probably forgotten it already as he’s probably horrible to most people.

BreconBeBuggered · 15/12/2018 13:21

Some people pull this shit inexplicably. It makes you feel shaken and a bit scared about how you could have provoked that kind of rage without knowingly doing anything. There was a bloke who'd give me the most evil looks every time he saw me, as if I'd run over his dog or murdered him in a past life or something. Other people noticed it so it wasn't just my imagination. I didn't even know who he was. I still remember how threatening it felt, and it was 30 years ago. Who knows what was going through your shop man's head, but whatever it was, it wasn't rational. Try to hold on to that at least. You did nothing wrong.

Anotheronebitesthefluff · 15/12/2018 13:24

Tiny penis syndrome.

AndSheWas85 · 15/12/2018 13:26

I will just add this OP. You mentioned in your post that you're a petite normal twenty something.
Imagine if a woman queued up behind this unhinged asrehole but she had a fag hanging from her lip and a can of special brew in her hand and a face like thunder, I bet he would have thought twice about spewing his passive aggressive bullshit at her.
In other words, because you so look normal and are a petite woman he was was banking on this fact, that you wouldn't confront him on his bullshit, because you would be too intimidated.
Like I said in my previous post. It's not you its him.

abacucat · 15/12/2018 13:29

If he was like that because he thought you were trans and had an issue with that, he would not have called you a woman, he would have said you were a man. So no he did not think you were trans.
Probably mistaken identity.

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