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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be completely touched and emotional over this gesture?

123 replies

Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 00:19

We live in a flat and we have a neighbor that has been going through a bit of a rough patch (death in the family and health issues). We’ve been supportive and helping them out with really simple things without expecting anything in return, because that’s what good neighbors do. We had made extra food and brought it over some nights when the wife was alone. I had driven her to the hospital when her father died because I didn’t want her driving hysterical. We had helped pick up things for the family funeral. Just really simple things.

I come home today to find a note taped to our door. It was a thank you note. Inside was the equivalent of £250!!!! I’m so touched and started crying. I know they don’t know our financial situation, but it will help greatly with Christmas. I knocked on the door and told her it was too much, but she said she wouldn’t hear of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 13:21

Whoops, hit post before finishing.

While we won’t be home, my parents (who literally live across the hall from us) did invite them to their place for Christmas. DP suggested we should do Christmas Eve meal and invite them, which we will likely do.

OP posts:
2cats2many · 15/12/2018 13:23

That's brought a tear to my eye. Not only her gift, but all the gifts that you first gave to her too- your time, your thoughts and your empathy. You both sound like lovely people.

Notquiteagandt · 15/12/2018 13:27

You both have good hearts Flowers

Grimbles · 15/12/2018 13:32

So what was actually left that was equivalent to £250?

Original poster
Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 13:40

“So what was actually left that was equivalent to £250?”

$325 US dollars. We live in the states. I did the conversion because not sure how many people would be familiar with the exchange rate/seemed easier than making people look it up.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 15/12/2018 13:45

A delivery driver could have nicked it

Maybe the generous neighbour IS a delivery driver! 🤔

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 15/12/2018 13:47

I think that's reaĺy lovely to hear , just nice to hear people being nice

But good God to those being pofaced about accepting the money and the downside...seriously you know a grip? Get one

Defenbaker · 15/12/2018 15:35

ThroughThickAndThin01 said:

"Aw that’s lovely. Don’t even think about not accepting it, that would be so hurtful and embarrassing for them. I expect it’s given them an enormous amount of pleasure to give it to you."

Exactly.

Original poster
Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 16:30

We accepted it. As I said, I went by and told them it was too much once, but didn’t push it since I don’t want to be rude.

I have to admit, in our little corner of our floor, we have some really awesome neighbors. We are all really friendly with each other and they would have done the same for us if the situations were reversed.

OP posts:
DotForShort · 15/12/2018 16:41

It’s very generous but I really couldn’t accept a cash gift that large. If they won’t take it back, I would donate most of it, keeping only a token amount.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 15/12/2018 16:49

What a lovely post. I don't think you're wrong to accept the gift - you were right to go round but if they insist I think it's right to take it and enjoy it. They obviously appreciate all your help and giving you a substantial gift probably helps then feel better about accepting all your help.

Original poster
Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 16:54

“If they won’t take it back, I would donate most of it, keeping only a token amount.”

Why would I donate it if were aren’t in the best situation financially? This actually helped us a lot more than she realizes. This year, our one cat got sick (and sadly passed away) and we racked up over 5,000 in medical bills for her over the course of a few months and tried to do everything we could to save her. I wouldn’t change that for anything, but it did hurt us quite a bit since it was an unplanned expense.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 16:55

So if that across as rude, just doesn’t make much sense to me to donate vs use it to help us.

OP posts:
DotForShort · 15/12/2018 17:06

Obviously, it’s your choice. I simply posted what I would do in this situation. I simply couldn’t accept such a large gift, no matter how well intentioned. My first choice would be to return it to the neighbours. If they refused, I would donate it. After all, I would be no worse off financially than before receiving the “windfall.” But again, that would be my way of handling things. What you do is of course entirely up to you.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 15/12/2018 17:09

I don't see why OP should donate the money any more than I should donate all my extra cash.

CoughLaughFart · 15/12/2018 18:12

If they won’t take it back, I would donate most of it, keeping only a token amount.

Ignore comments like this, OP. Your neighbours are adults who could have donated the money to charity themselves had they wanted to do so. They didn’t - they wanted to give it to you.

JoyceDivision · 15/12/2018 18:24

Ah, think a Christmas Eve invite is a lovely thought, hope if you ask they accept Flowers

Original poster
Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 19:40

We are definitely doing Christmas Eve, but just desserts since they are going somewhere during the day. DP is also goi g to get them a nice bottle of wine.

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 15/12/2018 19:45

You gave something very precious OP - your time.
Ignore those saying to donate it. It was intended for you and your family, from someone who really appreciates what you did for them.
It's a massive compliment.

xwhoiamx · 15/12/2018 19:52

Those things you did are not small, they will have meant the world to her and helped her through a very difficult time. You deserve her treat for being an amazing person.

QwertyLou · 15/12/2018 19:59

How lovely - both you, and them. They clearly want you to have it - not a charity. Happy Christmas Flowers

Original poster
Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 20:18

Thanks everyone for the kind words. It really didn’t seem like a big deal to me to help them out.

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 15/12/2018 20:26

Sod giving it back or donating it - they want you to have it for yourself for the good things you've done - enjoy it, you deserve it and it will make them feel good to have helped you when you helped them

AGHHHH · 15/12/2018 20:32

I'd be pissed off if I gave someone that much and they donated it. Don't donate it!

MrsVargas · 15/12/2018 20:40

I love this thread Smile

Good things happen to good people! Without a doubt.

Good on you all Xmas SmileThanks

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