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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not take him his ID

108 replies

MeredithGrey1 · 14/12/2018 23:08

My DP has his work Christmas party tonight, which is a dinner out at a restaurant, drinks in various pubs and then on to a club. I (obviously) have no issue with any of this and would never try to stop him going out and enjoying his Xmas party.

He’s just texted to say he’s realised he’s left his driving licence (his only form of ID) on his desk at home, and he’s hinting pretty strongly that he wants me to drive it to him. He’s 27 so he’s not had any issue drinking at the restaurant or pubs, it’s just needed for the club as they will ID everyone on the way in and he definitely won’t get in without it and will have to come home early.

AIBU to say I don’t want to get out of bed and go out in the freezing cold to take it to him (would be about a 30 min round trip)? They’re not going to the club until about midnight so he’s still had the majority of the Xmas party. I’m pregnant so he knows I haven’t drunk anything and therefore am able to drive, and we don’t have any children so there really is no reason why I can’t leave the house. I feel a bit guilty as I know he was looking forward to tonight, and he doesn’t go out often, but at the same time I just really don’t want to go out.

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 15/12/2018 02:24

God just seen how justified that pov is! It all fizzled out when they saw the queue. Just shows how unnecessary the whole idea of dragging a pregnant woman out late at night was.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 15/12/2018 07:31

Itsyersel

I am with my husband because he loves me for who I am and vice versa not because I treat him like a baby and pander to his every need.

I wouldn't have gone but I cant imagine he would have asked me either. It would be a different answer if he needed the ID earlier in the night but he had aready been out for 8 hrs!

Honeyroar · 15/12/2018 08:36

Curse away, but it wasn't for nothing. You did a nice thing for your husband and he got home safely and easily because of it.

IWasTrendingThereForAMinute · 15/12/2018 08:38

This thread is really telling. Sad too.

Itsyersel · 15/12/2018 08:39

@garethsouthgatesmrs

You sound fun, bet he loves having to ever ask you for a favour!

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 15/12/2018 08:52

He may not have needed the ID but he did end up getting a lift home with you in a nice warm car, rather than whatever the alternative was.

I too am a bit saddened by the number of people on here who said so bluntly that there is now way on earth they would have done this favour. Sure, it's annoying if you're tired and pregnant and wanting to have an early night, but isn't that what a loving partnership is all about. Dh and are have been married for over 23 years and have always done nice things for each other.
And think of all the lovely things he will now do for you today, out of gratitude!! Smile

IWasTrendingThereForAMinute · 15/12/2018 08:59

So doing someone you love a favour is pandering to his every need?

WTF will happen if he gets cancer and needs your help or....think on. What if you get ill? What goes around comes around and the closer the relationship the quicker it comes around.

No one wants to be a doormat but there is nothing in the OPs posts to suggest that the DH is a disorganised fuckwit the rest of the year and this is the 800th time this year alone he has been after her to run his life.

If you can't do something like this for your husbands you need to seriously have a think because marriage is for life and you will theoretically get old with this person and at some point you will really be expected to step up, not just taking an hour out of your life but weeks months or years of caring.

My DH has had cancer twice and I have nursed him. I have had to do things I would never have imagined doing for him. I have been so ill I have been unable to move or do the tiniest thing for myself. I am well now but guess who did eveything (and I mean everything) for me?
Getting my arse out of bed to do something like this for my DH? I wouldn't think twice.

Greekcatslovesouvlaki · 15/12/2018 09:16

I would take it to him - if you want people to do nice things for you, then you have to be willing to do nice things for them

Heyjudas · 15/12/2018 09:19

I'd do it.

Ontheboardwalk · 15/12/2018 09:36

Oh no Merideth after you went out in the cold as well!

Least he got a lift and you didn’t get a drunken DH crashing and banging coming in when you’d just dropped off to sleep.

He owes you twice now though. Both for the ID trip and the lift.

MakeAHouseAHome · 15/12/2018 09:38

Wow. Some people are unbelievable! And so selfish to their Partners! I would do that in a heartbeat for my DP as he would for me.

Cheerbear23 · 15/12/2018 10:04

I would have done it if I hadn’t already been asleep, but moaned like hell about it Grin.
In a partnership it’s give and take.

timeisnotaline · 15/12/2018 10:05

I was on the fence about doing it, mainly because pregnant, but if I had I would feel better not worse for having driven him home! That feels like a much better favour than running around after things he has forgotten (I may have married someone who needed to learn responsibility and if I hadn’t let him fail he wouldn’t have)

MyOtherProfile · 15/12/2018 10:11

Lovely that you did it, and how it worked out, that you could just bring him home.

Once the baby is here you will end up in lots of situations where you have the option to go a step further for each other and in my experience it makes for a smoother family.

FoodGloriousFud · 15/12/2018 11:02

I would without hesitation but he would do the same for me. It's only half an hour.

Ohyesiam · 15/12/2018 11:09

You e earned so many brownie points.

FoodGloriousFud · 15/12/2018 11:09

Lovely that you went, and he you can treat yourselves to a take away tonight with the money he saved on a cab!

pouraglasshalffull · 15/12/2018 11:17

So happy you did it!! I absolutely would. Just think if it was the other way round- you'd be gutted if you couldn't go out on the xmas do, probably one of the few nights of the year you let your hair down. Well done OP!

Meralia · 15/12/2018 11:20

It’s 15 minutes away. I’d have done it as my husband would have done it for me also.

Nanny0gg · 15/12/2018 11:27

There's a lot of saints on here!

If I was pregnant and already in bed, then no I wouldn't. But I wouldn't expect my DH to get out of bed just for that either.

I hope he appreciated your (wasted) effort OP.

Original poster
MeredithGrey1 · 15/12/2018 11:53

WTF will happen if he gets cancer and needs your help. I think that’s a bit harsh, me being reluctant to take him his ID does not translate to me being unwilling to take care of him when he’s ill. They’re not remotely comparable situations.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/12/2018 12:45

Yeah, that's a pretty silly comparison

AGHHHH · 15/12/2018 12:51

WTF will happen if he gets cancer and needs your help or....think on.

Don't be so fucking ridiculous! Seriously, what a bizarre comparison.

InSightMars · 15/12/2018 14:14

But OP you did go, reluctant as you were, you went and it was a lovely thing to do. It's hardly pandering to every helpless, disorganized whim of an entitled manchild as some here would have it, to me it doesn't sound like you have that kind of relationship at all.

No one here is a saint or claiming to be, I think most who said they'd do it also said they'd have a bit of a grumble about it too and it would be a one off and in full expectation of it being reciprocal should they ever need a similar favour from a spouse. It's just being aware that sometimes we all need to be a bit flexible and ready to go that extra mile for someone we love when we know they'd do the same for us and all it costs us is a little discomfort/inconvenience.

Oldraver · 15/12/2018 14:38

Just think of the brownie points. He should be glad you were willing to do this for him Grin