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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not take him his ID

108 replies

MeredithGrey1 · 14/12/2018 23:08

My DP has his work Christmas party tonight, which is a dinner out at a restaurant, drinks in various pubs and then on to a club. I (obviously) have no issue with any of this and would never try to stop him going out and enjoying his Xmas party.

He’s just texted to say he’s realised he’s left his driving licence (his only form of ID) on his desk at home, and he’s hinting pretty strongly that he wants me to drive it to him. He’s 27 so he’s not had any issue drinking at the restaurant or pubs, it’s just needed for the club as they will ID everyone on the way in and he definitely won’t get in without it and will have to come home early.

AIBU to say I don’t want to get out of bed and go out in the freezing cold to take it to him (would be about a 30 min round trip)? They’re not going to the club until about midnight so he’s still had the majority of the Xmas party. I’m pregnant so he knows I haven’t drunk anything and therefore am able to drive, and we don’t have any children so there really is no reason why I can’t leave the house. I feel a bit guilty as I know he was looking forward to tonight, and he doesn’t go out often, but at the same time I just really don’t want to go out.

OP posts:

isntitapip · 14/12/2018 23:47

Seriously? He's your partner, you can help him out here. It's not that big a deal. You can lie in tomorrow it's not like you have kids to get up for ffs. Do him a favour. Is that not what a loving relationship should be about?

Katinkka · 14/12/2018 23:48

I would take it.

Missingstreetlife · 14/12/2018 23:49

Can't he just get a cab home to fetch it?
I would do it if I was awake, but wouldn't get out of bed, tho maybe good to have a few favours in credit!

fizzthecat1 · 14/12/2018 23:50

OP once I left my luggage on a train, the train ended up going an hour away with my luggage on it, no body stole it luckily. I managed to locate it by ringing the train line and they agreed to keep it there for me. I was really hungover the next day, I'd been to a works do. My partner got the train all the way there to get my luggage and came back because I was too hungover!! So he spend 3 hours on a train to get my luggage.
The fact you won't take an ID for a 15 min drive is a little mean. Partners put themselves out for each other.

Missingstreetlife · 14/12/2018 23:52

Hope he's bloody grateful!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 14/12/2018 23:53

You can look at all the pretty houses with their Christmas decorations while you drive..............

And get a taste of what you life is going to be , you're going to see a lot of 1am faffing about with a newborn

Ontheboardwalk · 14/12/2018 23:54

I would drop it off. I’d be calling him all sorts of names when I have to go out the door in the cold to get into the car but I’d soon get over it.

30 mins to rescue your DPs night isn’t asking a lot

Honeyroar · 14/12/2018 23:55

Id do it, just as I know my husband would for me. Isn't that what you do in a relationship? Be nice and help each other out? I might have a grumble at him, but I'd definitely do it.

GloryforGloves · 15/12/2018 00:05

I wouldn’t do it at this time of night. If he’d said something before 10pm then sure, but if I’m settled in bed after 11 then no. As you said, he’s already had a nice night out and he can still chance the club and see what happens.

His night is hardly ruined because he going clubbing. It doesn’t negate any fun he’s had for the rest of the evening.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 15/12/2018 00:12

I would do it, but would know I had one a favor in 'the bank' and would be sure to call it in. My lovely DH would do it for me in a heartbeat and not feel I owed him. He's the nice one in the relationship.

I've been refused entry because I forgot my ID (I am old enough for a bus pass!) and that stinks.

Lunde · 15/12/2018 00:17

I don't get if he is only 15 minutes away why he cannot pop home in a cab and get it?

I really don't understand why MN treat men as poor incompetents that are incapable of doing a quick job for themselves so that their pregnant wife has to get out of bed and pander to them

SavageBeauty73 · 15/12/2018 00:18

I'd put it in a cab for him 🤷‍♀️

CherryPavlova · 15/12/2018 00:20

Feels a bit mean and lacking in partnership. If I could, I would usually do so.

nutellalove · 15/12/2018 00:25

I would probably do it as long as he would do similar things for me (or has previously). My dad once did a 2 and a half hour round trip on the tube to bring my mum her shoes she'd forgotten for a work night out and I thought that was kind and I'd like to do similar things for my partner

Original poster

MeredithGrey1 · 15/12/2018 00:31

Another update, and I am cursing all of you who persuaded me to get out of my warm bed because as it turned out it was all for nothing!

I got to the club just after DP and his work party did, and when they arrived and saw the queue outside in this temperature (we’re in a uni town so that plus Christmas has made tonight really busy it seems) most of them decided it wasn’t really worth it, so the party sort of fizzled out, everyone went home and I ended up driving DP back with me. So he didn’t even end up needing the ID.

OP posts:

ScreamingValenta · 15/12/2018 00:35

Ah, well, he's home safely and will hopefully have avoided a hangover tomorrow!

Itsyersel · 15/12/2018 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheItalianDream2020 · 15/12/2018 00:46

Would he do it for you? If so then yes, I'd do it for him. If he wouldn't, then no.

Llanali · 15/12/2018 00:48

God I would take it. I wouldn’t think twice! I’d hope he’d make 30 mins effort for me on a special night too.

Sorry it seemed in vain! But at least he’s now nice and warm in bed next to you, and you cN legitimately state he’s in charge of coffee provision in the morning since he didn’t have a late late night and saved his taxi money ;)

OrigamiZoo · 15/12/2018 01:15

Thing is, you've been lovely, and that is just lovely! [[sighs as all is
well with the world]]

OrigamiZoo · 15/12/2018 01:16

that wasn't supposed to be a link..

CheshireChat · 15/12/2018 02:06

Itsyersel gotta love a bit of misogyny!

I think you still did the right thing, even if in vain, it's simply kind. I'd do something like this for DP as well asi know he would for me.

In fact, I moaned I wanted chips and he offered to go straight away even though he's just got in from work.

NOTthepinkranger · 15/12/2018 02:11

I’d personally take it to him.

As for the poster asking about 27 year olds being ID’d well firstly some look young, secondly in Liverpool most clubs scan your ID now - no ID no entry.

blackteasplease · 15/12/2018 02:22

Ridiculous to imagine you might take it to him. Being pregnant doesn't make you some kind of courier service.

InSightMars · 15/12/2018 02:22

Yes, I'd do it, and DH would do it for me. As a one-off and not a regular occurrence obviously. Why wouldn't we for the sake of 30 mins inconvenience when it's a rare night special occasion for someone we love. Come on. Yeah it'd be a pita, and we'd probably moan about it and make clear we were 'owed' but we recognize neither of us is perfect and things get forgotten sometimes.

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