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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I would think this is common courtesy but maybe I’m wrong

131 replies

Elphie54 · 14/12/2018 16:52

I was at Costco this morning and for some reason the lines were astronomical. Everyone in all lines had their baskets filled to the brim with stuff, including us. There was one woman at the check out, one more woman waiting and then us (so second in line) with about 6 people with completely full baskets behind us. An elderly woman was looking at the lines, and you could see she only had one item in her hands (a package of raspberries). I asked her if she would like to go in front of us because she only had one item. She was so sweet and said “no that’s not fair, I’m just going to put them back.” I asked if she was sure. The lady behind me goes, “oh don’t be silly! Of course go ahead of them!” So she did and thanked us several times. The two people behind the other woman started bitching that she shouldn’t be allowed to cut the line and how wrong it was, how it’s not fair etc...

Was I being completely unreasonable, or wouldn’t most people let someone, especially someone elderly, with one item, go ahead of them?

OP posts:

MakeAHouseAHome · 14/12/2018 21:17

Point is there weren't 2 more people in the queue... if you were genuine about your act you would have switched places. Not decided for everyone else that it was ok she skip the queue.

Original poster

Elphie54 · 14/12/2018 21:23

Fine-lesson learned, won’t be doing that again.

Could have done without all the name clljbg though.

OP posts:

WarCat · 14/12/2018 22:08

YANBU. I bet those bitching wouldn't have turned down the offer in the same circumstances

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 14/12/2018 22:08

This all seems like a massive over reaction to letting one person skip the queue for one item. Yes, as a matter of principle you are deciding on behalf of others which you don’t have the authority to do. But I feel like the responses lack any sense of proportionality. Although I shouldn’t be surprised, people seem to get very wound up by the smallest of things here.

Tessabelle1 · 14/12/2018 22:10

Totally not U! I let people with a couple of things in front of me all the time and would have said something to the miserable gits moaning for good measure!

Ozziewozzie · 14/12/2018 22:14

YANBU Most decent people would do exactly the same as you. I also hate it when I’m in a queue and people stand practically up my arse, breathing down my neck huffing and puffing as though it’s my fault there’s a queue! It’s bloomin rude and such an invasion of personal space.
Good tactic though, step back and then say’ oh sorry, didn’t see you were so close!

diddl · 14/12/2018 22:33

I don't know if most would do the same as Op tbh-but maybe due to not noticing people wandering about behind the queues trying to decide which one to join?

ScreamingValenta · 14/12/2018 22:41

The people saying 2 extra minutes of standing would bother them, what if there was more people in front of you naturally anyway?

When I suffered chronic pain, that sort of situation ran like this in my head:

God, I'm in agony, I need to sit down. Never mind, only three more people in front of me. Hurry up, please hurry up! I can't stand another minute of this; I'm going to have to leave the queue. No, I can do this - just two more people now. Please stop fumbling in your hand bag and get on with paying, I can't stand this. Nearly there now ... what? Oh, no, someone else has been let into the queue ...

Original poster

Elphie54 · 14/12/2018 22:47

“ due to not noticing people wandering about behind the queues trying to decide which one to join?”

To be honest, I’m kind of hyper vigilant when I’m out, especially when the toddler is with me. I tend to notice things others don’t. I’ve had times where I say to DP “did you xyz...” and he’ll say no. I’m also like that at work and notice things my partners don’t. Not sure why-I’ve always been like that.

“When I suffered chronic pain, that sort of situation ran like this in my head:”

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you for explaining.

OP posts:

ihatehoney · 14/12/2018 23:02

Definitely NBU! I would do the same thing :) people in Lidl have let me pass before when I've had a few cleaning products and they've had a full on shop.👍🏻

Craft1905 · 14/12/2018 23:13

I would do the same thing smile people in Lidl have let me pass before when I've had a few cleaning products and they've had a full on shop

Do you fully understand what happened here? We're not talking about letting the person in the queue who is behind you go in front of you, therefore delaying no one else apart from yourself. Were talking about being in a queue of people, when someone who is not in the queue at all rocks up at the till, and you let them in in front of you, therefore delaying yourself and everyone else behind you.

I'm struggling to see how anyone thinks that's ok? You have every right to delay yourself, but no right to delay others.

Original poster

Elphie54 · 14/12/2018 23:16

Craft-you have made your point quite clear and I have already said I won’t do it again. Not sure why you feel the need to try and make it out to be worse than it was, or continue to harp over it. We get it.

OP posts:

skybluee · 14/12/2018 23:21

I came here to say what's already been said. I relate very much to the thought process described by ScreamingValenta unfortunately.

One of the most difficult things for me (although I'm glad for it) is that people can't see it. They can't see my foot. They see a healthy, sometimes glowing, young woman. They dont see the pain. They don't see the hundreds of days where I've sat in a flat from 8am til midnight because I was unable to walk. They don't see all the things I desperately wanted to do and couldn't. See me working through pain. Or the victory when I was able to manage to do certain things. They can't see my foot, it's hidden inside my shoe. It looks normal from the outside. But it isn't. They can't see that some days I can stand or walk for a total of 5-10 mins now, and an extra 2, or 5, or not knowing, in a queue, is enough to affect my morning, possibly my whole day.

I've been in this exact situation. The "come on, come on, come on" is almost unbearable. Yet if I said anything, I'd probably get "young people of today"... "she has arthritis don't you know, she's old, you don't know you're born" etc. Or be tutted at. I've had all three. So I choose not to explain now, and I wouldn't have said anything in this situation. I also don't know if the old lady is in worse pain than me! But please don't assume anyone you see standing isn't in pain. You don't know if they've been in an accident or not, or if they have an injury, or a condition. My foot is deformed but it is inside a trainer. I almost wish it was visible sometimes but I'm so glad it isn't. It's a difficult subject for me so I'm sorry if this explanation isn't very good.

skybluee · 14/12/2018 23:22

I also want to add that a few years ago I would've thought nothing of you letting someone into the queue and would've been glad you did so and completely oblivious of any problems it could've caused, so I see both sides. You tried to do a nice thing.

Craft1905 · 14/12/2018 23:22

But I don't think Ihatehoney does.

ScreamingValenta · 14/12/2018 23:34

skybluee

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/12/2018 23:39

Am surprised the lady was in Costco at all in the morning as it’s business card holders only.

AGHHHH · 14/12/2018 23:41

Should be a rule to let someone with one item go first if the person in front has a huge amount!

Well not really, a queue is a queue, but people should always offer I think.

JustHereForThePooStories · 14/12/2018 23:50

I think the correct etiquette in a situation like this is to swap places with the person you want to go first ie. she takes your place and you go to the back of her line.

If I had been behind you in the queue, I wouldn’t have minded at all for the sake of one item, but it’s hard to know where to draw the line.

I was in the doctor’s waiting room once and a woman came in behind me who was friends with the woman in front of me. Doctor called for next patient and woman who was first in the queue waved her friend in ahead of her. So very unreasonable and unfair.

Adorelabradors · 14/12/2018 23:54

I was standing in a very short queue in a spar shop a number of years ago with my 4 young children. The youngest was 1 and a half years old. I had about 3 or 4 items in my hand along with my brood. My husband had been diagnosed with advanced cancer and was going through surgery chemo and radiotherapy (not perhaps overly relevant but I was still in a state of shell shock trying to get on with daily life) A woman who’d been in the cafe area swooped in front of me with a magazine saying I hope you don’t mind paid for her magazine and waltzed out of the shop. I said nothing but was seconds after absolutely livid for her to think her time was more precious than mine. Absolutely livid!!! I wish I had said to her no sorry you cannot. I have waited patiently in the queue with my 4 young children, I am busy and my time is just as important as yours so you can stand behind me and the other customer and wait your turn!!!

ShesAnEasyLlama · 15/12/2018 00:10

I would've said YANBU, and i say thst as someone with chronic pain and disabilities. I do let people ahead of me, it's a small thing I can do to make myself feel good. RAOK help me not feel like I'm actually able to contribute and do something good in the community.

However, I would have to think twice about it now. A couple of years ago, someone kindly let me in front of them, I only had a box of eggs, and a man in the queue at the next till over started moaning about me really loudly, saying some quite vile things. I was so shocked I offered to let him take my spot, and he did! Other shoppers were pretty appalled, but it's always made me wary if the place is packed or if I'm not the last in the line.

I do offer the person behind me to swap places if they've only got a couple of bits and look like they could do with the kindness, as it's not adding to the numbers in the line, but I am so much more careful now.

TurkeyLurker · 15/12/2018 00:37

Definitely a case of trying to make yourself feel good at the expense of others there, with a lack of self awareness.

I was behind a woman who did this once. An elderly man with a few items. One item didn't have a bar code so someone had to be called over to get it, then fiddling in bag for wallet, then counting out exact money then continuing to chat to cashier after wallet put way and bag packed etc. Even the woman who let him in started getting flushed in the face from rising blood pressure .

Only to be done if you are prepared for them to literally take YOUR place, not the other queuers.

giftsonthebrain · 15/12/2018 01:31

costco should set up a quick check out for 10 items or less.

Billben · 15/12/2018 01:53

Point is there weren't 2 more people in the queue... if you were genuine about your act you would have switched places. Not decided for everyone else that it was ok she skip the queue.

This.

MidniteScribbler · 15/12/2018 02:23

costco should set up a quick check out for 10 items or less.

I can't imagine this could be worth their while. I don't think I've ever seen anyone in Costco with less than ten items. It would be very rare.

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