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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what you would have done in this situation?

87 replies

ShadyLady53 · 13/12/2018 23:05

I had a bit of bizarre encounter earlier that has made me feel quite horrible, perhaps more than it should.

Background; I teach at a university, approaching mid 30s, nothing out there or bizarre about how I look. Today was Christmas jumper day in my faculty (huge uni so not Christmas jumper day all over campus). I was wearing a “classy”, fairly sedate jumper...I only mention it because it was the only “different” thing I can put my finger on about my appearance. That being said, I’d had 3 really lovely compliments today and my Line Manager even asked to borrow my jumper to wear tomorrow - so I can’t have looked that hideous?!

The jumper was mainly covered by a black parka, teamed with a black parka and black boots. Totally ordinary.

Anyway, I was walking down a corridor in a fairly busy part of campus, mainly frequented by students. There were two mature students about 12 feet in front of me, walking - one male around 30 and one female around 23/24. They were chatting, then the man turned his head and looked at me and said something to the girl. She turned and looked and then she covered her mouth and collapsed into giggles. At this point, I thought that maybe they thought I’d overheard a private conversation. There was only us in the corridor by this point.

Then he turned and looked at me again and burst out laughing so hard he couldn’t continue laughing. She stopped, turned right around and took about 3 strides towards me staring at me. He turned around to but stayed where he was. They kept looking at me and sniggering, making it really obvious that they were laughing at me and were in stitches. She rejoined him as if they were about to go, before stopping again and walking towards me slightly again. This time she pointedly looked me up and down, intentionally glared at me and gave a really nasty, deliberate smirk at me.

At this point they were both really close to me. I was feeling confused and slightly afraid.

She looked back at him, laughed again and then went into the nearest toilet.

He was left in the corridor and I just looked at him, not smiling at all. I felt really ridiculed and humiliated. I was about to ask what they were laughing at when he started to scarper off. He actually looked scared and when her got to the end of the corridor, he stopped and turned around again and said “Y’alright?” in a worried voice before legging it out the door before I could answer.

I later saw her twice and wanted to approach her and ask her what the hell that was about but chickened out.

As soon as she was out of the toilet, I went in myself as I was convinced I must have had lipstick or food or ink all over my face or something to justify this open ridiculing but nope, nothing.

I was really badly bullied at school and forgot how awful that behaviour can make someone feel. The worst thing is just not understanding it. I know it’s a daft thing to be upset about but for the rest of the day I’ve just wanted to hide away. I’d been having such a lovely day as well.

I highly doubt (and hope!) something as bizarre as this will never happen again, but if it had happened to you what would you have done?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 13/12/2018 23:06

black parka teamed with black trousers ffs!

OP posts:
Weirdlookingbricks · 13/12/2018 23:07

Were they high?

Racecardriver · 13/12/2018 23:08

I am not sure I would have even noticed to be perfectly honest. I mean it’s all so childish. I find it hard to believe that anyone in that situation is a grown adult.

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 13/12/2018 23:08

So sorry about the typos. It’s been a long day and I’m cuddled up with a very distracting dog 🙄.

OP posts:
Tony2 · 13/12/2018 23:14

As the other poster said it sounds like the classic effect of mushies to me, laughing uncontrollably at something that just ain't funny. Clearly irrational.

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 13/12/2018 23:14

@Racecardriver

You wouldn’t have noticed whilst walking down an empty corridor that two people in front of you stopped, turned around, walked back towards you and laughed in your face at close proximity?

OP posts:
DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 13/12/2018 23:16

I think you are overthinking it. 2 imature people sharing a joke and behaving like primary children doesn’t need to register on your radar.

If the Christmas jumper thing wasn’t an all inclusive event they were probably, lamely taking the piss out of “the saddo wearing a Christmas jumper”

SleepWarrior · 13/12/2018 23:16

I was going to suggest that wearing two black parkas might but have the problem but I see you've cleared that up!

Honestly, it could be anything. But you can be sure it'll be something minor and bitchy and more about impressing each other in their weird interaction. Whenever I've overheard people doing these horrible sniggers it's never about anything actually funny or noteworthy, just about the fact that their relationship revolves around these sort of unkind bringing down of other people for no reason.

Sorry that you felt so awful though. Please put it out of your mind after rolling your eyes at their pathetic behaviour Flowers

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 13/12/2018 23:16

Maybe they were high. It did seem completely irrational. It’s only the really nasty look she gave me that made me realise it was deliberate.

OP posts:
InspectorIkmen · 13/12/2018 23:19

Sounds to me like they had just shared a huge spliff and they were off their heads.
This is not to minimise the effect on you - I can quite see why that would be unnerving but I don’t think it was sinister. Hope you’re ok OP

CandyCreeper · 13/12/2018 23:19

err surely you would have just asked them what was funny, bizarre that you didnt!

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 13/12/2018 23:19
Flowers

I’m a mature student. I had a year out and I went into a lecture and sat in the front row- have eye problems, easier to see, easier to hear- and had to listen to a barrage of abuse 18 inches behind my back. From everything about why I was always going to fail after a year out (health) how I was to plow old but if they saw me on a night out they’d still ‘give it a go’.

I was genuinely so shocked I couldn’t hear the lecture as I didn’t want them to see me cry. I reported it immediately but asked for it not to go further as I have to spend the next two years with these twats. I now I have their measure and assured the lecturer if they ever said anything again I would verbally castrate them. I was shocked more than anything.

Report if and deal with it as you see fit. Kids can be little shitbags.

You are a university lecturer; their university lecture. Doesn’t matter if you wear your knickers on your head, they still owe you respect and it should never be based on a bloody Christmas jumper.

knittedjest · 13/12/2018 23:19

I would have done nothing on account of I probably wouldn't have noticed. If I had I might have rolled my eyes and gone about my day as usual.

Weird thing to still be worked up about.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 13/12/2018 23:20

I can totally understand how you feel - especially with your history of bullying. That leaves scars. They sound outrageously immature. Since they did it so obviously I would imagine it was nothing to do with you and some kind of in joke or dare between the two of them. You just served the role of the grown up in the situation who provided an audience to their childish game. I would try not to dwell on it if possible.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 13/12/2018 23:21

Bloody phone-
*too not plow
*lecturer not lecture

DontCallMeCharlotte · 13/12/2018 23:23

I would have just said "what?" and made them squirm.

weebarra · 13/12/2018 23:23

It's not weird to be upset about it. I'm fairly hard nosed and in my forties and I wouldn't have liked it. OP, they were being dicks and probably high. Wankers.

CrispsForBreakfast · 13/12/2018 23:24

It sounds to me like a bit of a private joke that they thought you'd overheard and she was trying to brazen it out and went too far. Childish behaviour.
Please don't give it another thought.
Doggie cuddles are just what's needed Smile Flowers

Robots1Humans0 · 13/12/2018 23:29

Honestly sounds like they were under the influence of something

StrangeLookingParasite · 13/12/2018 23:39

Weird thing to still be worked up about.

You're so tough. I wish I was as tough as you. Hmm

Needsmorebeans · 13/12/2018 23:48

I can see why this has unnerved you but it does sound as if they were off their heads and it also says more about them than you because they probably would have behaved like that no matter who was behind them, (well maybe not to a man....). So try not to overthink what you were wearing or doing, because you didn't do anything to invite that behaviour from them. I hope you put it behind you.

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 13/12/2018 23:54

Thanks to the sympathetic posters, feeling a bit better already. Think I just had a bit of a flashback to how awful it was to walk down the school corridors day in, day out feeling unsafe and felt somewhat unnerved at feeling that way again briefly.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 13/12/2018 23:54

I doubt it was even about you. I remember me and my friend at that age would find anything and everything hilarious and when you start giggling it's difficult to stop.

Original poster
ShadyLady53 · 13/12/2018 23:58

They weren’t kids though @RedHelenB, he was close to my age (30s) and she was around mid-20s and they also made a point of walking back towards me and stopping right in front of me - it was definitely personal.

But at the same time, I can see now, it says more about them than me.

OP posts:
AnimalMystery · 14/12/2018 00:02

Arseholes. There’s a lot of them about, unfortunately.

Arseholes in your case too, Bananas.

It’s a group think thing - one arsehole attracts followers who are too in thrall not to go along with it.

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