AIBU to ask what you would have done in this situation?

[ShadyLady53]

I had a bit of bizarre encounter earlier that has made me feel quite horrible, perhaps more than it should.

Background; I teach at a university, approaching mid 30s, nothing out there or bizarre about how I look. Today was Christmas jumper day in my faculty (huge uni so not Christmas jumper day all over campus). I was wearing a “classy”, fairly sedate jumper...I only mention it because it was the only “different” thing I can put my finger on about my appearance. That being said, I’d had 3 really lovely compliments today and my Line Manager even asked to borrow my jumper to wear tomorrow - so I can’t have looked that hideous?!

The jumper was mainly covered by a black parka, teamed with a black parka and black boots. Totally ordinary.

Anyway, I was walking down a corridor in a fairly busy part of campus, mainly frequented by students. There were two mature students about 12 feet in front of me, walking - one male around 30 and one female around 23/24. They were chatting, then the man turned his head and looked at me and said something to the girl. She turned and looked and then she covered her mouth and collapsed into giggles. At this point, I thought that maybe they thought I’d overheard a private conversation. There was only us in the corridor by this point.

Then he turned and looked at me again and burst out laughing so hard he couldn’t continue laughing. She stopped, turned right around and took about 3 strides towards me staring at me. He turned around to but stayed where he was. They kept looking at me and sniggering, making it really obvious that they were laughing at me and were in stitches. She rejoined him as if they were about to go, before stopping again and walking towards me slightly again. This time she pointedly looked me up and down, intentionally glared at me and gave a really nasty, deliberate smirk at me.

At this point they were both really close to me. I was feeling confused and slightly afraid.

She looked back at him, laughed again and then went into the nearest toilet.

He was left in the corridor and I just looked at him, not smiling at all. I felt really ridiculed and humiliated. I was about to ask what they were laughing at when he started to scarper off. He actually looked scared and when her got to the end of the corridor, he stopped and turned around again and said “Y’alright?” in a worried voice before legging it out the door before I could answer.

I later saw her twice and wanted to approach her and ask her what the hell that was about but chickened out.

As soon as she was out of the toilet, I went in myself as I was convinced I must have had lipstick or food or ink all over my face or something to justify this open ridiculing but nope, nothing.

I was really badly bullied at school and forgot how awful that behaviour can make someone feel. The worst thing is just not understanding it. I know it’s a daft thing to be upset about but for the rest of the day I’ve just wanted to hide away. I’d been having such a lovely day as well.

I highly doubt (and hope!) something as bizarre as this will never happen again, but if it had happened to you what would you have done?

End of term drunken stupidity from immature fools?

Definitely. You won't find out what it was about so let it go. Maybe they had a date that they would hold up the mistletoe to the next Christmas jumper wearer but didn't date to go through with it, who knows?

Dare not date!

Sorry this happened to you OP.

They were being shits. You won’t find out the answer to their immature behaviour and although I know you will continue to analyse it, it really will be a waste of your time.

My guess is they are the mature students who want to be the younger students. That doesn’t account for the glaring and attempted intimidation but she obviously has a brass neck to go to the bathroom leaving the security of her friend, so it seems like she was the main instigator.

Do you teach them?

And finally by any chance are you short? I’m asking this because I’m five foot two and I ho estate feel that my height causes some people to treat me as a lesser being!!!! From being skipped over in queues to being pushy...

Weird thing to still be worked up about.

All reactions are valid, surely? The OP has said she was badly bullied at school so lucky you if you don't understand the implications of that.

As others have said OP, this was all about them. I doubt either of them would recognise you if they saw you again because it won't have been personal. Just two idiots playing a game to impress each other.

Complete nasty idiots!! I work in a Secondary school and I've had similar with two student Teachers!! After a second time of them doing it...I asked them outright what was the issue?...they just smirked and walked off making me feel like I was imagining it however I was lucky as other People had noticed it too the ITT co-ordinated has stern words...they were very childish! It's unnerving and downright nasty!! Hope you can push it to the back of your mind OP!

Racecardriver

I am not sure I would have even noticed to be perfectly honest. I mean it’s all so childish. I find it hard to believe that anyone in that situation is a grown adult.

^^

oh come on. The other one has bells on.

OP, I can understand why you're upset. It sounds like a classic case of the woman trying to impress the guy. They are obviously both idiots. Gang mentality and all that.

In an ideal world I'd have confronted them with a hard stare and an aggressive : 'What? Problem??'. But realistically I'd probably just want the ground to open up.

TBH given their age they probably both need to be seen individually and to discuss the situation : it could be be viewed as harassment. They should know better, they are not errant 6th formers!

I would take a photo of them next time. I saw them and be quite obvious, if they approached me I would advise them that I was a. Member of staff and concerned about their behaviour so was ensuring it was documented for future

They sound a right pair of morons. How on earth did they get into university. Must be doing a simple course. Not worth wasting your time on to be honest.

Don't think about it anymore. It's incredibly juvenile behaviour - I'd guess at drunk or high. They could have said something like 'next person who appears in the corridor, we will ask for a threesome", that kind of shit, had their own private joke and will actually hate each other tomorrow morning. Don't upset yourself thinking about these numpties. Christmas jumpers are all the rage now! Put it behind you, it wasn't personal.

@shadylady not beyond a basic awareness of two people being in the same space/moving around. I’m not exactly hyper aware of other people’s conversations and I don’t tend to assume that they are directed at me. I don’t really understand why you think they were laughing at you/about you/in your face as opposed to generally having a giggle in the same space as you and then the hilarity or whatever it was being exacerbated by thinking that someone overheared it for example. It’s a bit of a leap to go from what you described to thinking it was about you because that would imply an unusual amount of malice and childishness on their part which really doesn’t make sense. I think you’ve taken your own insecurities and turned this into something it isn’t.

Racecar Did you read the OP’s post where she said the woman walked towards her and she was actually feeling scared????

I’d have been thrown by that encounter too but it sounds so bizarre that just try and put it down to them being under the influence of something.

Your outfit sounds perfectly normal, especially at this time of year, so their reaction is the odd thing, not you! xx

@Racecardriver

This wasn’t two people having a laugh in the same space as me. That kind of thing is fine and happens everyday. This was, without any shadow of a doubt, two people laughing at me.

There was no one else in that corridor except me and them. We were all initially headed in the same direction and they both looked at me, started laughing uncontrollably and then turned around and walked toward me to laugh at me, so closely that at one point the girl was in my way, standing directly opposite me. So, she was laughing in my face at that point.They (well, she in particular) couldn’t have made it any more obvious that they were laughing at me. Not having a joke in the same space. Deliberately making fun of me.

After this they both turned back around and headed back off in the original direction they were going; her to the loo and cafeteria and him out the other door before he turned back around and said “Y’alright?” to me.

I’m not being paranoid and I’m not projecting my insecurities. I was upset about an even that was directed at me for no reason whatsoever.

Now, maybe two strangers deliberately targeting you to make a fool out of you wouldn’t bother you one iota. That’s fine, good for you.

But to minimise and re-write what happened to the point of suggesting it didn’t happen at all and that I’m somehow imagining things is extremely disrespectful.

Aim your phone at them next time if you feel brave enough.

Let it was over you. They aren't important in your life

I think it’s vile behaviour and they’re clearly unpleasant or as other have suggested high.

But it might not be anything about you per se, OP. I’m imagining “hey that woman looks like Suzanne” and then them losing it because of that.

Haters gonna hate. Try to let it go.

That said, if you see them again and identify them I would take it further with someone in their faculty. It’s a deeply obnoxious way for them to have acted.

Everyone else, thank you, I’ve managed to let it go.

No, they aren’t students of mine but I’d easily recognise them again.

I think maybe the whole “dare” thing could be right.

They only stopped when they got close to me and I suppose that would have been the first time they saw my teaching staff lanyard (we have a different colour ribbon). Would explain why they scarpered and he suddenly looked so worried.

Anyway, they are both idiots and like a pp said wouldn’t recognise me they saw me again.

I don't understand why you didn't say anything ?!

i would ask them 'is there something funny?' and if they continue i would ask their names.

Ah I think school bullying stays with you buried deep down and takes us by surprise when it rushes to the surface

If they were high and have now realised you're staff they'll be feeling pretty paranoid now. You're actually in a pretty good position now if up want to take it further. See your boss, tell them you think a couple of students are under the influence track them down for a meeting in front of a sea of stern faces.

You're not that bairn feeling unsafe at school anymore. You have a bit of power over this shit now.

If you're feeling brave enough and you see them again how do you feel about pulling them up on it? It might make them think twice about intentionally upsetting and intimidating others.

I'm glad you've let it go though OP. It does sound really horrible and I'm sorry for you that some posters minimised it. I hope you have a better day

they are childish bullies.

I was giving a talk to a group of freshers & their parents at uni (as a graduate, talking about the course) and went horribly mind-blank.

I had nothing. The group of 40 people sat looking at me as I muttered, stuttered and mis-spoke. I eventually found my words again but two girls could not stop giggling and laughing.

I tried to carry on but my embarrassment coupled with their noisy laughter just put me off and I went bright red, causing more laughter.

It was fucking horrible and I still cringe. I haven't done public speaking since.

I don't know why they were laughing in your case but young adults can be unthoughtful, carried away with themselves, and I feel for how it can make you feel!

I don’t understand why I didn’t say something either ☹️.

I think in that moment, I felt like I was 12 again and that whatever I said would be subject to further ridicule.

I do regret not saying something. Also regret not playing the staff card.

agree with OoohAyyye.