AIBU to ask what you would have done in this situation?

[ShadyLady53]

I had a bit of bizarre encounter earlier that has made me feel quite horrible, perhaps more than it should.

Background; I teach at a university, approaching mid 30s, nothing out there or bizarre about how I look. Today was Christmas jumper day in my faculty (huge uni so not Christmas jumper day all over campus). I was wearing a “classy”, fairly sedate jumper...I only mention it because it was the only “different” thing I can put my finger on about my appearance. That being said, I’d had 3 really lovely compliments today and my Line Manager even asked to borrow my jumper to wear tomorrow - so I can’t have looked that hideous?!

The jumper was mainly covered by a black parka, teamed with a black parka and black boots. Totally ordinary.

Anyway, I was walking down a corridor in a fairly busy part of campus, mainly frequented by students. There were two mature students about 12 feet in front of me, walking - one male around 30 and one female around 23/24. They were chatting, then the man turned his head and looked at me and said something to the girl. She turned and looked and then she covered her mouth and collapsed into giggles. At this point, I thought that maybe they thought I’d overheard a private conversation. There was only us in the corridor by this point.

Then he turned and looked at me again and burst out laughing so hard he couldn’t continue laughing. She stopped, turned right around and took about 3 strides towards me staring at me. He turned around to but stayed where he was. They kept looking at me and sniggering, making it really obvious that they were laughing at me and were in stitches. She rejoined him as if they were about to go, before stopping again and walking towards me slightly again. This time she pointedly looked me up and down, intentionally glared at me and gave a really nasty, deliberate smirk at me.

At this point they were both really close to me. I was feeling confused and slightly afraid.

She looked back at him, laughed again and then went into the nearest toilet.

He was left in the corridor and I just looked at him, not smiling at all. I felt really ridiculed and humiliated. I was about to ask what they were laughing at when he started to scarper off. He actually looked scared and when her got to the end of the corridor, he stopped and turned around again and said “Y’alright?” in a worried voice before legging it out the door before I could answer.

I later saw her twice and wanted to approach her and ask her what the hell that was about but chickened out.

As soon as she was out of the toilet, I went in myself as I was convinced I must have had lipstick or food or ink all over my face or something to justify this open ridiculing but nope, nothing.

I was really badly bullied at school and forgot how awful that behaviour can make someone feel. The worst thing is just not understanding it. I know it’s a daft thing to be upset about but for the rest of the day I’ve just wanted to hide away. I’d been having such a lovely day as well.

I highly doubt (and hope!) something as bizarre as this will never happen again, but if it had happened to you what would you have done?

I was bullied by some boys at school over my looks. To this day, I can't walk near boys or men laughing or smirking to each other without my brain going 'they're laughing at me' or 'they think I'm ugly'. My rational brain knows this is absurd and there is no evidence to prove this. Even if they were, who cares, it would just mean they were pathetic. That fight or flight response is wired in so deeply though. I can't imagine how I'd feel if grown adults actually, unmistakably smirked at me and looked me up and down like they did to op. I'd certainly be upset.

@pachyderm it’s not healthy for the OP to be thinking this way. When faced with such a bizarre situation it would be better to shrug it off as bizarre rather than taking it personally. I was trying (through clouds of jet lag) to frame it more as a weird thing that happened rather than something horrible that the OP needs to be upset about.

I find a nice sharp “hey is there a problem?” as you step forward quite a useful response. Or stand with your hands on your hips and say “can I help you?” in a really acidic way.

You are a lecturer, they are students behaving ridiculously. Sounds like a complete flashback to a school situation with a completely different power balance.

Maybe watch the Amy Cuddy TED talk on power body language?

Have you got CCTV you could casually see? could they possibly have been wanting to say something but wussed out?

It may sound old fashioned (but I like my academics old fashioned) but I would put them right in their place. Its those people who piss off the whole group during learning. I'v always had an automatic respect for people like you and the position you've reached. If they can't understand that I would question why they are there.

As pp have said, I think your reaction to this has more to do with your own history than with what was happening. If people carried on like that with me I'd take it for granted they were drunk or high, wouldn't think it had anything to do with me.

Haven't read the full thread, and maybe my days as a psychology student are causing a bit of bias here, but could it maybe have been some sort of ill-advised social experiment? Although I'm inclined to believe the more like answer is they were off their tits on some nonsense.

Sounds horrid, I can see why you’d feel upset. They sound like they were high. It wasn’t personal but still very horrible.

@Racecardriver think you meant someone else on this thread as I'm not on it

Your history of bullying has made you vulnerable. But you're a respectable and successful adult now. They were being a pair of utter idiots and nasty with it but you really have to just let it go by you. For all the reasons mentioned by previous posters and more.
You must hold on to your personal power over your own self esteem. Do not give these kids any power to make you doubt yourself. And next time you hand out their work, make sure you're wearing your jumper and just smile sweetly at them (even if you didn't mark them harder, because you're a professional!) They're just a pair of bitches who think that being young is everything and that anything they put on is the bees knees.

Honestly sounds like they were definitely on some kind of drugs!!
Don't worry OP. Dickheads either way but almost definitely high x

I think you're right that the bloke saw your teaching lanyard which is why he got worried.

Who knows why they did what they did - whether they were high or just wankers - but I totally understand why you reacted the way you did.

I am still, at over 50, nervous in the presence of multiple teens. I was often picked on by other teens, some in my school, some not, when I was one and it DOES stay with you. I have confidence with adults and can face them if something goes wrong, but there's something that still triggers the "rabbit in headlights" style fear when it's a group of mid to late teenagers.

I realise these were older students but they way they were behaving was very immature indeed and I might have found it difficult to respond in a properly adult fashion if it had been me in your shoes.

All I can say is whatever they were laughing at, it was nothing to do with you. Their behaviour sounds very bitchy and I'm not surprised it upset you but you shouldn't look at yourself for answers about their stupid behaviour! Try and let it wash over you. Wouldn't bother approaching them about it either to be honest, sounds like you'd be unlikely to get a sensible response!