I know I'm being unreasonable but don't know what to do.

[jmh740]

My eldest is 24 at uni and moved out about 2 years before he went to uni. He's at uni about 300 miles away and comes back every couple of months.

We had words yesterday and I'm still angry and upset with him, he's been texting me about Xmas gifts today and I'm still annoyed with him. He has inherited some money in the last few monrhs which would be enough to buy a small house here with originally his plan was to buy a house and rent it out so he has an income. Since he's had the money he seems to be blowing it ie getting the train first class when he comes home,spent £500 on trainers then selling them a couple of months later for 200, going out to expensive bars restaurants etc he's now said he's going to invest half of the money he has setting his best friend up with her own hair dressing business.

Anyway yesterday he came round and he told me he's booked in to get 3 tattoos on his face, I've nothing against tattoos don't have any myself but oh has, but I really don't like face tattoos I told him that I really don't like them and wished he wouldn't do that he would damage his job prospects he could regret them in the future and I will never be happy about it and would be upset every time I looked at him, I know ibu but I can't help it just thinking about it makes me really sad. I told him I've always tried my best to support him but I can't support that. I dropped him off last night and it was really awkward he said some rude disrespectful things I was trying to tell him my opinion and he basically just spoke over me and told me to shut up. he's been texting me today about Xmas and I'm still really mad I don't know what to do about the situation. With the money and other choices he's made I've just told myself he's a grown man and I can't get stressed about the things he does but I can't seem to apply that to a face tattoo(or 3).

YANBU. Face tattoos are horrendous us and will definitely limit what job he can do in the future. What degree is he doing? Does he know anyone with his degree in a professional job who can discuss this with him? It's so final and obvious. 👎

What a brat. And he is making some epically stupid decisions that will impact his future. What a waste of the security that money could have given him too.

Unfortunately he is an adult.

Bloody hell. I'd be distraught about both the reckless spending and the face tattoos, what a nightmare. Sorry, that's not very helpful!

Nothing you can do apart from what you've done unfortunately, face tattooes are only a problem if he wants to follow a conventional route, and maybe her business will take off..

Tell him so save enough money aside to pay for laser tattoo removal when he realises what a mistake he's made. Then let him get on with it and bite your tongue.

I'd be livid about not buying a house.

I'm very pro tattoo, have several and am really annoyed by anti-tattoo bias, however, unless you are actually an established tattoo artist, do not get them on your face. You will be judged by almost everyone, even tattoo artist will discourage it if you're not fully covered with tattoos.

I don't have an answer on what to do, but personally I don't believe you are being UR

Who did he inherit the money from? Was he close to them? I'm wondering if he is grieving and this explains his strange behaviour.

YANBU. I don't know the solution but at 24 you'd hope he'd be more responsible with this money. The face tattoos are also a terrible idea. Rightly or wrongly people (including potential employers) will judge him for it for the rest of his life and he'll be limiting his prospects massively.

1. I agree with you in principle on the tattoo. Face tattoos can definitely be career-limiting options.

1. OTOH, he is an adult. You are no longer obligated to support him. You also can't dictate what he does with his money or with his body. You may not LIKE what he is doing, but he doesn't have to answer to you.

Unfortunately this happens too frequently when young people acquire money they didn't earn (in my will my kids don't get the money until 25!) All you can do is to ask him to think through what he is doing and offer to look at the business plan.

Oh OP, big hug to you.

It must be so painful to watch your boy throwing away his future like that.

I don't think you can stop him unfortunately, he is an adult and he will probably be paying for this behaviour soon enough.

You can only wait and be there to help pick up the pieces, although it would serve him right if you refused to help when it happens.

Why is he bothering running up debt going to university if he is going to tattoo his face so making him unemployable.

I would be spelling out in no uncertain terms that when the money has run out and he has facial tattoos so probably won’t get a job don’t expect to come round and want you to help him out.

I would be telling him to grow up. If he is flashing the cash then how does he know who is friends are and who are hangers on.

Any “friend” who is egging him on to get a face tattoo is no friend.

Furry I think you might be on to something he inherited money from his dad who died very suddenly 2 years ago, he had only seen him once in the last 12 years his dad went to new Zealand and only came back once, he probably rang twice a year since he went.

He's at London college of fashion and apparently I don't understand the London fashion scence, well no I'm a 40 something mum of 3 from up north!
He says a face tattoo wouldn't hinder his career in the fashion industry. I didn't want to get into another row by telling him that most people who do a fashion degree don't end up as world famous designers!

YANBU. Your son is making horrifically bad choices and I completely understand how upset you are. Sadly, there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

That is terrible it could set him up for life :(. Please sit down with him and discuss your concerns, it sounds like something is going badly wrong.

That is terrible it could set him up for life :(. Please sit down with him and discuss your concerns, it sounds like something is going badly wrong.

It would hinder him in the fashion industry, people are judged the same way they are in every other job when working in fashion.

DP works for a huge retail outlet in a senior role in head office, and I can assure you everyone there dresses normally and a face tattoo would look massively out of place.

Point out that he's welcome to get facial tattoos after he becomes a famous designer. Not before. Tattoos will not increase his chances of getting a job with a fashion company. Only a good degree and experience will do that.

I'd echo PP and tell him straight to his face: I don't agree with what you're doing. You had a good plan for that money, which you've failed to implement. You have good prospects, and you're making a decision that will directly damage them. I love you, you're my son, but I cannot and will not pick up the pieces if you continue to torch your life in this way. And then just drop it. Talk about anything else.

YANBU. That is a very bad decision on his part, but I think falling out with him or expressing your displeasure will propel him even more to get the tattoos. Either that or or he is looking for your attention. I don't hate tattoos, but would never get one (after seeing my own DPs faded silly looking thing now). I could never envisage being happy with looking at the same thing day in day out. Tattoos are fine but someone who is going facial with it is crying out for attention of some sort in my opinion. Could you break him down a bit more as to why he thinks it will 'enhance' himself.

Re: the face tattoos, ask him to get them in a semi-permanent ink (like henna) first. "Face tattoos won't hinder your ability to get work? You're sure? Great, then get the tattoos in henna and try job hunting with face tattoos visible for about 6 months or so. If all goes well and it doesn't hinder your ability to get good paying work and form relationships with others, I'll even chip in a hundred quid towards the cost of permanent tattoos." I would think that should set him right, seeing how he's treated like a second class citizen with a face full of ink.

So your son is not at university, he's at "a London college of art" from which, very sadly, a large number of utter wastrels have gone on to become millionaires. All of them funded by inheritances and rich parents, including your son.

No doubt despite (or maybe because of) obnoxious face tattoos he will go on to pull down dough, be celebrated, get his own Wikipedia page and do things that the poor sods who are at university with him and get Firsts but go into insurance officers will never get.

In the words of Pooter: "On the way home in the carriage, for the first time in my life, I was inclined to indulge in the radical thought that money was not properly divided."

I have no sympathy, I hope everyone with face tattoos ends up under Blackfriars Bridge. The sad thing is, all those without inheritances will end up there but the ones with inheritances will go on to glittering careers they do not deserve.

I really feel for you. I have two young adults and they like their tattoos. Thankfully they are not visible when dressed. It is so frustrating trying to talk to some young people. I've torn my hair out on several occasions trying to advise my two.

They know more than me and walk themselves into a mess. Guess who they ring when things go pear shaped??? Its so frustrating, it's like watching a car crash in slow motion.

Try not to upset yourself. It's hard but it's all you can do. Maybe your son does need counselling.

Brilliant idea about the henna tattoo Scrappy

A drop it isn't a huge inheritance he would never be able to afford to buy property in London, it would be enough to buy a small terrace in our little northern town that no-one has ever heard of. I am also not a rich parent I was a single mum working a low paid job with help from tax credits for most of his life, we've never been abroad etc if I was him I would have bought a terrace and had a holiday but he's 24 and needs to make his own mistakes in life just I'd rather he didn't make the mistake of having a face tattoo

He's a grown adult and not even a particularly young one being in his mid twenties! YABU getting too invested in this. It's fair fm for you to have your say but it's also fair for him to ignore it!