I know I'm being unreasonable but don't know what to do.

[jmh740]

My eldest is 24 at uni and moved out about 2 years before he went to uni. He's at uni about 300 miles away and comes back every couple of months.

We had words yesterday and I'm still angry and upset with him, he's been texting me about Xmas gifts today and I'm still annoyed with him. He has inherited some money in the last few monrhs which would be enough to buy a small house here with originally his plan was to buy a house and rent it out so he has an income. Since he's had the money he seems to be blowing it ie getting the train first class when he comes home,spent £500 on trainers then selling them a couple of months later for 200, going out to expensive bars restaurants etc he's now said he's going to invest half of the money he has setting his best friend up with her own hair dressing business.

Anyway yesterday he came round and he told me he's booked in to get 3 tattoos on his face, I've nothing against tattoos don't have any myself but oh has, but I really don't like face tattoos I told him that I really don't like them and wished he wouldn't do that he would damage his job prospects he could regret them in the future and I will never be happy about it and would be upset every time I looked at him, I know ibu but I can't help it just thinking about it makes me really sad. I told him I've always tried my best to support him but I can't support that. I dropped him off last night and it was really awkward he said some rude disrespectful things I was trying to tell him my opinion and he basically just spoke over me and told me to shut up. he's been texting me today about Xmas and I'm still really mad I don't know what to do about the situation. With the money and other choices he's made I've just told myself he's a grown man and I can't get stressed about the things he does but I can't seem to apply that to a face tattoo(or 3).

Decent artists don't need to do tattooing either though

OP, I think maybe with so much going on with his plans you should pick one thing to focus on.

How about this? Tell him that he is an adult and should make his own decisions and you accept his decision to do what he wants with his money but that his first tattoos shouldn’t be something so radical. Suggest he gets one somewhere else and you could even pay towards it for a present.

That would show you do support him, even if you don’t agree with his choices. And maybe make a difference to the tattoo thing.

I’d also tell yourself that his inheritance will probably be spent on random crap and he won’t get that money back out of the business. But he will be buying life lessons when he discovers that.

I would point out to him that he may be very grateful for the income he will get from his property once he has rendered himself unemployable with his facial tattoo. So he ought to get on and buy the property and stop frittering.

It actually sounds as if he's either deliberately sticking two fingers up at his late Fathers memory by pissing away his inheritance on reactionary purchases. Expensive but disposable fashion, purchasing a random start-up business for a mate, questionable life changing body modification. Or he's unwitting doing it out of pain and loss that he's otherwise unable to articulate, and the money is a reminder of the Father he never really came to terms with losing long before his death. If so maybe the sensible Northern small town end of terrace type of investment in would be a permanent reminder. It just seems like teenage acting out on a larger scale, but at 24 all you can do is advise.

Decent artists don't need to do tattooing either though

No but they often like to.

My tattoos were done by an artist with a masters in fine art. He works a ‚‘day job‘ earning the bulk of the money on commissions On paper. Then he will work on select customers to do amazing one off tattoos.

He tattoos because he loves it, but won’t do it full time as he doesn’t want to do the cliched crap (his words) he had to do when working full time that earn the bulk of the money in a studio.

I guess he could do more tattooing if he moved to a big city, he lives in a tiny Scottish town and won’t consider it.

I think at 24 is he trying to be like the 18 year olds. Almost trying to buy friendships as he might be self conscious of his age and lacking in confidence.

Buying a sound investment of a small house to do BTL and bring him in a small income and a small investment sounds fuddy duddy and he wants to act like he is so cool, face tattoo, first class rail etc.

The only thing is that the people he is with at the college are privately laughing at him because he is acting like a dick head.

If they had that sort of money they would be investing it in an ISA or some other sensible investment and he wouldn’t know anything about it because they would be keeping it quiet through fear that if it was known then those wanting them to invest in some dodgy business would come crawling out of the woodwork.

At 24 he needs to do a bit of growing up and get a bit cynical