I know I'm being unreasonable but don't know what to do.

[jmh740]

My eldest is 24 at uni and moved out about 2 years before he went to uni. He's at uni about 300 miles away and comes back every couple of months.

We had words yesterday and I'm still angry and upset with him, he's been texting me about Xmas gifts today and I'm still annoyed with him. He has inherited some money in the last few monrhs which would be enough to buy a small house here with originally his plan was to buy a house and rent it out so he has an income. Since he's had the money he seems to be blowing it ie getting the train first class when he comes home,spent £500 on trainers then selling them a couple of months later for 200, going out to expensive bars restaurants etc he's now said he's going to invest half of the money he has setting his best friend up with her own hair dressing business.

Anyway yesterday he came round and he told me he's booked in to get 3 tattoos on his face, I've nothing against tattoos don't have any myself but oh has, but I really don't like face tattoos I told him that I really don't like them and wished he wouldn't do that he would damage his job prospects he could regret them in the future and I will never be happy about it and would be upset every time I looked at him, I know ibu but I can't help it just thinking about it makes me really sad. I told him I've always tried my best to support him but I can't support that. I dropped him off last night and it was really awkward he said some rude disrespectful things I was trying to tell him my opinion and he basically just spoke over me and told me to shut up. he's been texting me today about Xmas and I'm still really mad I don't know what to do about the situation. With the money and other choices he's made I've just told myself he's a grown man and I can't get stressed about the things he does but I can't seem to apply that to a face tattoo(or 3).

Just be kind to him. You can't stop his tattoos anymore than you can make him buy a house. But you can have a good relationship. Mine is younger only 19, I'm not in control of her, but I love her and respect her adult choices.

He's at London college of fashion and apparently I don't understand the London fashion scence, well no I'm a 40 something mum of 3 from up north!

Well thats true,but hes not going to be 24 and at college forever is he.

Face tattoos at 24 are a big no no.Unless hes really heavily tattooed otherwise hes just going to look like an eejit.And im 45 mother of 5 and i have a fair few tattoos.

Hes just setting himself up.

I suppose the only way to think about the money is that he didn’t expect it, and so it’s a windfall that may never have happened. If he wastes it all, so be it, he will never have that chance again.

Forget the idea of buying a house, is there any way of investing it in himself, setting him up in his chosen career? He might be more receptive to your input if you took this approach.

What he mustn’t do is use it to put himself in a worse position than he was before he had it, and getting a facial tattoo falls into that category. Also, and I freely admit I have no knowledge in this area, but aren’t good tattooists very booked up? I’d be worried he wasn’t going to get a good result and might bitterly regret it.

face tattoos are legal in uk?not in most places u.s.a for legit shops.no faces hands or feet.nothing to do with social reasons.hardest to keep clean and heal>> and if he is getting 3 at one time stands a good chance of going into shock.
well, he can spend any inheritance left having them removed and just having a different form of scarring(they never go away).

Tell him that if he truly wants to make an impact on the fashion world he should wait until he’s launched as a designer and then after a couple of season cycles he can wow everyone with his new face tattoos(when he’s hopefully grown out of the idea). It would also be worth pointing out that while the fashion industry is on the whole tolerant you’d hate to see him miss out on an exciting placement somewhere just because someone is prejudiced against face tattoos

Would there be a link between his father living in NZ and the facial tattoos ? Did the father have Maori background ? Facial tattoos have a certain significance in Maori culture .

I know I will be flamed for this but I really don’t think the average 24yo male is ‘grown up’. They are on paper but not in real life. Yes, I do realise everyone will know some super mature 24yo male who is wiser than a 90yo but in general I really believe males if that age are not grown ups. Unfortunately, you can’t legally treat them as minors though .

Emily I have reported your spammy spam....

OP. I feel for you. My DD, also at uni, is keen on tatoos, but hasn't done the face one. She knows I don't like them, but I have backed off, as she is an adult.

You know OP, I was brought up in a one donkey town in the north, and I think it has affected how I see tatoos. It wasn't the most progressive place, to put it mildly and I think unfortunately I have absorbed some of the anti tatooo/anti anything perceived as different culture. Other places, including That London and the Fashion World, are probably far more tolerant. If he does go ahead, and he eventually regrets it, them presumably he could have lazer treatment to remove them. I know it isn't ideal. Him being rude to you is unacceptable however, and I would suggest backing off from the tattoo issue, but don't stick around for the rudeness, removing yourself from the conversation if necessary.

One horse town that I grew up in. Doh!

Edward its a wonder anyone needs the NHS or divorce lawyers or counsellors with you around! I have reported your post.

sorry Edward And Emily no gullible idiots here. Try netmums.

And its not even on the right board really, but I'm not directing to it!

Not imaginary I still have the stretch marks to prove it!

No his dad was not aboriginal he was from our same northern town.

This would be his first tattoo he doesn't have any others.

He's 24. He's an adult. I know the arguments about the brain not fully maturing until the mid-late 20s but legally he is an adult.
You need to chill and let go. He's an adult. He will make mistakes. Everyone does. Have you not made mistakes as a young adult? Would your parents weeping and wailing have helped? You can't try to treat him like he's 12 or even 16. You will only alienate him, making him less likely to ask for your input. And it is not your right to give input.
Parents seem so overprotective of young adults these days.
He's wasting some money and considering facial tattoos. It's not life ruining. He's not disabled / ill or homeless. He'll just regret wasting money on buying trainers and drinking when he's older, he won't starve. In hipster young London circles facial tattoos really really are nothing - he's not getting a load of piercings, split tongue, horns etc, Google body modification. Not everyone wants to work in a conventional office, it really won't stop him getting a job in fashion. I mean this nicely, calm down.

Ps have a drink before you Google body modifications if you're that traditional

It sounds to me like goung from no money to a windfall has been too enticing to resist. You say you never went abroad so the lure of travelling first class and buying expensive trainers must feel like heaven. Similarly the London fashion lifestyle must be incredible to him.

Sadly, that does mean he’s blind to what that money really could have done. I’d be upset about the tattoos and investment as well. He should be investing in himself.

Just how are class warfare statements helpful to this lady? 🙄

If he doesn't have any tattoos already, has he considered tattoos can be very painful in areas where there is very little skin?

I'd also worry that a reputable tattoo artist wouldn't want to take on the job. I know a tattoo artist who has a waiting list a year long and he has a strict no face tattoo policy. A first tattoo in highly visible area by a poor artist sounds like a recipe for disaster

No decent tattoo artist will do a face tattoo as a first one. Or even on anyone who isn't already heavily tattooed.
As for the squandering of cash, maybe he needs to learn the hard way. A lot of people do unfortunately

And as pp says, many tattoo artists won't do facial tattoos at all. I'd be warning him about going to reputable places, and not letting some eejit with a gun near him. I have tattoos and I know my artist would laugh me out of the studio (and quite rightly) if I asked for a facial tattoo, as I'm not heavily covered, and have always ensured my ink can be hidden by a suit.

No decent artist will tattoo someone's face for thier first tattoo!