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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a baby?

184 replies

newmun · 13/12/2018 21:21

Theres a coop 2 min walk away from my house. Would you leave the baby at home and lock the door etc instead of taking buggy/carrier etc? Shop is literally 5 doors away.

Ps: I didnt do this as I was too chicken but wondered if anyone had?

OP posts:
AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 13/12/2018 22:24

Good grief, no.

I felt very qualmy about leaving my 3yo in the care of her 13yo brother to go to the bakery a couple of minutes along the road. Leaving a baby alone at home? No.

redtulip19 · 13/12/2018 22:26

My mother left me When I was 6 n my little sister was a few months old to go to the shop a 5 min Journey to get milk n bread I remember it
My sister was asleep in cot
We were fine but I wouldn't do it myself

agnurse · 13/12/2018 22:26

A car is not a baby-sitter. Neither is a home. NEITHER is a safe place to leave your child, even if it is only "for 2 minutes". Children can and have been abducted in vehicles left running "for 2 minutes". Burglars can be in and out of a home in a few minutes. VERY unsafe.

Batteriesallgone · 13/12/2018 22:26

I did actually have a bad fall at home while just me and a baby, back when DS1 was little. He was in his playpen (thankfully!) and I just laid there for a bit thinking I’m going to pass out and no one will know and no one will come. I didn’t, I closed my eyes briefly but then managed to first aid myself, find phone call DH etc.

It’s not the same as if I had left the house and had a fall because then when I received assistance I would have had to tell somebody I had left a baby at home alone and if that person was a medic I should think that would result in a SS referral.

It’s terrifying to hurt yourself and think fuck, baby is going to be left ‘alone’ but I didn’t feel any guilt or shame at having fallen over. If the accident had occurred when I’d left baby home alone I’m sure I would have felt very guilty at leaving him alone.

Nixen · 13/12/2018 22:30

Nope. I live on the 3rd floor of an apartment block with a shop on the ground floor and I’ve still never left my baby in the apartment and gone down!

Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/12/2018 22:31

@Illstartexercisingtomorrow i was just about to write the same thing!

Xmasbaby11 · 13/12/2018 22:32

No i wouldn't leave the baby. Wouldn't even occur to me.

thighofrelief · 13/12/2018 22:33

I would if it was literally steps away and it was a baby fast asleep who couldn't get out of the cot. And at a non peak time. It really would be no different to hanging your washing out in the back garden with the baby upstairs in the house asleep in its cot.

Original poster
newmun · 13/12/2018 22:33

Chill! No i didnt do it ! I wouldnt have the guts, i was just wondering peoples experiences/opinions etc. I had already taken her in the buggy when i posted the question, just interested what people thought 😂

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 13/12/2018 22:34

there were times when my eldest was tiny and sleeping when i thought about it, the shop was 2 doors away, and probably closer to my living room than her bedroom was, but i never actually did it. she'd have been 100% fine, but i had visions of dying of a heart attack randomly and her being alone.

CaptainNelson · 13/12/2018 22:35

This is a really interesting example of how people's perceptions of risk are very skewed. Do you honestly not leave the house because you're thinking about the chances of being mown down by a car? Of course you do, otherwise you'd never do anything. So how would you protect your child in a pushchair if said car were to mow you down? Your child is not necessarily safer with you; that may be your instinct but it's not a logical thought process. I guess some people find it easier than others to rationalise things like this - not meant in a nasty way, I can completely see how some people find this idea alarming (though not quite the heart palpitations Hmm) but it just doesn't make sense. The whole reason why we hear news stories of children being taken from hotel rooms/people being knocked down on pavements, etc is that they're so unusual.

Areyoufree · 13/12/2018 22:38

@Trills I like.your style.

GunpowderGelatine · 13/12/2018 22:39

It's 5 doors away but takes 2 minutes to get there? Are you a tortoise OP?

skybluee · 13/12/2018 22:39

No I wouldn't. The line for me would be on property vs off property.

GunpowderGelatine · 13/12/2018 22:39

Also - no way

RB68 · 13/12/2018 22:40

use a sling

vdbfamily · 13/12/2018 22:41

If my baby was too young to get out of a cot and was sleeping soundly and there was nothing on the stove cooking etc, I would and in fact used to regularly nip to the garage shop opposite where we lived when kids were little. If I got run over I would want my kid to be safe in their cot not dead. If I collapsed in a medical emergency I would want it to be out in public, not at home where no-one sees. I cannot think why anyone thinks it would be safer to take baby with you.

Monkeynuts18 · 13/12/2018 22:47

I see why people say no but statistically speaking something’s far more likely to happen to the baby on the way to or from the shop with the OP that if it’s safely sleeping at home. It’s far more likely that they’ll both be killed crossing the road or by a vehicle mounting the pavement than that a crack team of baby abductors will break into the house in the two minutes the OP is gone.

Babykoala1 · 13/12/2018 22:48

People would never leave a child alone for a few minutes but would happily drive them around in a car where the potential for danger is far more than sleeping alone in their cots? I despair 🙄

Lauramcw28 · 13/12/2018 22:50

God the what if's in this give me the fear! but i do have anxiety about silly things happening, but i don't think i ever could!

Batteriesallgone · 13/12/2018 22:50

Surely the most significant risk is that baby wakes, cries, no one responds, their cry escalates to the point of vomiting and they aspirate the vomit. While you are fumbling with your keys or the annoying cashier is slowly counting out change.

Babies can and do cry to the point of vomiting, it’s no where near as rare as the ‘you might die from a car accident and at least baby would be safe at home’ suggestions.

Babies aren’t safe alone anyway. Too young to roll and they are at risk of SIDs left alone. Old enough to be safe from SIDs is old enough to be climbing / head banging / attention seeking behaviours that could result in injury.

Knitwit101 · 13/12/2018 22:52

I once left my small baby asleep in his cot while I went to collect his brother from nursery. It was pouring with rain and really stormy windy. He was sound asleep. It honestly took less than 60 seconds to walk round to nursery, 3 mi utes to quickly pick ds1 up, 60 seconds to get home. I weighed up the risk of him being alone in the house for maybe 8 minutes compared to being lifted, put into a sling (The pushchair was at nursery), walking to nursery in the horizontal rain and decided to leave him cosy and asleep at home. Sure enough he was fine. Exactly where I had left him, sound asleep.

One time the kids were asleep and I was outside trying to fit a new windscreen wiper to the car, which was about 1.5m from the window of ds1's bedroom. He was maybe 2 years old. When I got in he was walking around the house with massive silent tears running down his face. He had woken up and couldn't find me even though I was only 2m away from his bed. He was so upset by that.

We weigh the risks and make decisions all the time. Yes I would go to the shop and leave my kids asleep in bed if it was going to take 5 minutes.

Piewraith · 13/12/2018 22:53

Plus, if you have an accident on the street, you would be taken to hospital and no one would know about the baby until your next of kin contacted etc. If you’re in the garden or another room then the baby would be discovered when you were.

This doesn't make sense, as if the op had a terrible accident at home, she wouldn't be "discovered" until another family member got home. Which is the same time the baby would be discovered if OP was taken to hospital unconscious.

Extremely unpopular opinion here, but yes I would do this and have.

The thing people always say on here is "but you could get hit by a car". Right so it's better for the baby to be hit as well and die together? If I was going out and thought I'd be hit by a car, that would be more reason to leave the baby at home, not less.

OP prepare yourself for 100s of stories about how 3 month old babies climbed out of their cots, walked to the stove, lit it and the whole house burned down in 30 seconds. It's always a friend of a friend apparently.

Haffiana · 13/12/2018 22:56

How anxious the world has become! Does anyone dare go to the end of their garden while their baby is asleep?

SpiritedLondon · 13/12/2018 22:56

I don’t think the danger is something happening to you..... I think the danger is something happening to them. A fit or other medical emergency ( vomiting etc ) and you’re not there to respond. Of course you could be in the house and miss it but you greatly increase your chance of missing it if you’re not actually in the house!