Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family

78 replies

AmeliaB2018 · 13/12/2018 16:29

Hi All.

My daughter is 5 months old tomorrow and barely any body bothers with her, Christmas is coming and no one has asked how she is (they’re aware she’s been poorly) or says let’s come and see her. Her “auntie” hasn’t seen her since she was 4 days old, she only ever speaks to us when she wants money. I won’t take her to family members homes due to uncleanliness. Would I be unreasonable in saying no to anyone who wants to see her from now on? Thank you x

OP posts:
italiancortado · 13/12/2018 16:53

Yes YWBU.

She is your world. She is a family member to the rest.

Sirzy · 13/12/2018 16:57

So you want to punish them for not giving the attention you want them to by stopping them seeing her? How does that work!

Don’t forget communication works both ways - how often do you make the effort with them?

MaryofMislethwaiteManor · 13/12/2018 16:58

She’s a little baby. Sorry but at this point, to many, she’s quite boring.

Original poster
AmeliaB2018 · 13/12/2018 17:10

It's not because she isn't getting attention. It's purely because the handful of times they have seen her all she does is cry when normally she's a really happy baby and it's upsetting.

She's fine with the people that are consistent, I just don't want her upset all the time when they come in and out of her life continuously.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmeliaB2018 · 13/12/2018 17:11

And we've contacted them every weekend asking if they'd like to come and see her, it's just excuse after excuse with them.

OP posts:
MaryofMislethwaiteManor · 13/12/2018 18:32

You want them to come and see her every weekend? Really?

I only get to see my baby nephew once every three months or so, I physically can’t do any more than that as I have a life too despite not having procreated.

If my brother told me I couldn’t see him anymore as it was upsetting for him that I wasn’t consistent in my attention/visits, well.... I’d probably tell him to go fuck himself.

Original poster
AmeliaB2018 · 13/12/2018 18:39

No. I'm relieved they don't see her every weekend, we've asked them to come down for the last god knows how many weekends. Last time any one saw her was September.

OP posts:
MakeAHouseAHome · 13/12/2018 18:40

Thry don't have to be interested in YOUR baby you know....

MrsMoastyToasty · 13/12/2018 18:42

Do you go and visit them?

MaryofMislethwaiteManor · 13/12/2018 18:42

Then I guess they’re busy.

Sirzy · 13/12/2018 18:42

Problem is your expecting them to make the effort

Seeline · 13/12/2018 18:43

How far do they have to come?
How often did you see them before the little one?
If she has been poorly, maybe they think they might be in the way?
Which family members are we talking about, and do they have young children too?

Original poster
AmeliaB2018 · 13/12/2018 18:46

I'm not saying they NEED to be interested. I'll elaborate a little bit more on these people, we must always be available for them which means we can't really make plans in case the decide to visit us. We have to find out whether they're coming or not before we do anything. I do not visit their house as my partner suffers very bad with eczema and their house isn't the cleanest of places (they know our concerns) i have zero interest in them seeing her, it doesn't make a difference either way. My point is we can't be expected to always put our life on hold in the hope they'll agree one weekend. It's also very distressing for little one when they do come round, always crying/very unsettled.

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 13/12/2018 18:47

PFB OP? (as in perfect first born) PMSL..... sorry but to you (quite rightly) she is obviously the most wonderful and amazing human been in the world and to everyone else (also quite rightly) she is 'just' a cute baby.. How exhausting to have to ask ALL THE TIME how she is, and how precious of you to refuse to take her anywhere because of 'uncleanliness'...... Relax... and breathe... and chill.....

Sirzy · 13/12/2018 18:48

You aren’t half contradicting yourself

Original poster
AmeliaB2018 · 13/12/2018 18:48

@Seeline they live 10 minute drive from us.
My daughter has been ill for the last week or so but they've not bothered since September. As I say on the comments I'm not bothered, it upsets me when they do because she doesn't know who they are :/ they have children yeah (who are quite rude) but they love their Niece.

OP posts:
MaryofMislethwaiteManor · 13/12/2018 18:49

I don’t get it. Do you want them to come or don’t you?

Someone’s being inconsistent here but I don’t think it’s your family Hmm

bullyingadvice2017 · 13/12/2018 18:52

You don't have to check with them before you make plans?? Who made that bullshit rule up? Bugger them op, make plans with your family unit and leave them to it.
Tho it is fair to say that I know she's your world and lovely... but other people's baby's are really quite boring in the nicest way

Original poster
AmeliaB2018 · 13/12/2018 18:52

@Sirzy I'll make it clearer for you. I don't mind them not seeing her, I just want to know whether or not I'm being unreasonable. I'm not saying they need to bother with her ALL THE TIME. But for a baby it's confusing. One minute they're there and the next they're not, it's her they're upsetting. A simple text or a visit would be nice, instead we have to ask them every weekend (excuses after excuses with them) so we know whether or not we can make plans. There's a lot more history to it than this.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmeliaB2018 · 13/12/2018 18:53

@MaryofMislethwaiteManor I'm not bothered either way, I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable if I had to tell them no.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 13/12/2018 18:55

No you don’t have to ask them every weekend.

And I very much doubt a baby gives a flying monkeys how often they see them.

You seem to be trying to make an issue where one doesn’t exist. Your the one expecting them to do the running because you won’t go to them!

elibee · 13/12/2018 18:55

If you hardly see them anyway what's banning them from seeing her going to do except cause drama.
You just sound very attention seeking tbh

TwitterQueen1 · 13/12/2018 18:56

The baby won't give a flying fuck OP. She is just a baby. She doesn't know up from down. She is not in the least bit upset. This is all about you, not her.

The short answer is yes, YABU!

MaryofMislethwaiteManor · 13/12/2018 18:57

For a baby it’s confusing when people aren’t there all the time and are there one minute and gone the next?!Confused

she’s five months old ffs. It doesn’t affect her at al to see her aunts and uncles sporadically, it really doesn’t.

TwitterQueen1 · 13/12/2018 18:57

Flying monkeys is obvs a lot naicer than flying fuck Xmas Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread