Made a mess of my life & don't know how to turn it around

[lostandconfusedd]

I don't know how it's just dawned on me that my life is a mess and I've pretty much failed at everything. I am almost 25, 3 children and not a penny to my name.
I've tried to recently get back into work but it's looking almost impossible (can't afford childcare, very little jobs will work around nursery hours, my cv is a bunch of lies). So I thought I'd explore the option of going to college. But the nearest college is 4hrs away, which isn't doable with children. There's also a shit load of qualifications needed and I have none (I didn't do exams at school ) I'm crying my eyes out. I've never felt so worthless. 24, no job prospects, no goals in life, no house (would never afford a mortgage, I have a shit ton of bad credit) I've just come off antiDs and thought this would be the drive to go further but I just feel like I'm going backwards even more.
Can I have a polite kick up the ass please!

There are online courses you could do to get some qualifications.

In an ideal world, what sort of work would you do?

it’s hard feeling stuck.

Polite kick as requested, but a hug as well. I know it feels overwhelming at the moment but you're still incredibly young and have the opportunity to turn things around.

If you didn't do exams at school, do you mean GCSE? That might be a good place to start with getting your English and maths. There must be somewhere nearby you could do this?

You have your whole life in front of you at 25. It is never too late to do something worthwhile with your life.

The difficulty, I think, is in deciding what to do. We have so much choice and so many options now. Find out what you want and chase after it with your whole heart.

My life is a total mess too Lost. So please don't feel alone in that.

Have you looked at the open university? You'd need to do an access course, but in your circumstances you can access a tuition loan, and most probably a lot of extra financial support through grants and stuff what sort of thing do you want to do? (You may even get some help with childcare, not 100% sure on this one though).

My point is, you have options! And there's tons of jobs you can do at home when the kids are in bed. It may take a while to find one, but they are out there.

Happy to look over your CV for you if you like. I'm sure it's not lies I think being out of work erodes your confidence and leaves you feeling a bit like an imposter.

Yes I desperately want to turn it all around but (hopefully not an excuse) because of the depression I tend to dream big, get deflated when I realise it's not doable and then jack it all in.
I've always wanted to be a driving instructor but of course you need money.
I enjoy (to a degree) retail, shop work - the only place where I actually worked. But I would like a career that I couldn't lose (shops closing down scare me!)
I can't remember what the Scottish word for GCSE is but yes I have none. I only have a uni in my town, it seems you already need the grades to get in in the first place

What were the reasons for coming off your medication?

Thank you Otterses, although it is lies maybe that's why I'm getting no job offers as they too have realised it.
I have absolutely nothing to offer job wise. I have no idea why anybody would employ me, so I hate those questions.
I have only ever had 1 job, how fucking pathetic at my age. So I don't have much experience, I have no grades so not clever enough to count, can barely write as I struggle with spelling. So no fancy grades.

You are only 25!! So much can change! Think about what you would like to do. There are so many distance learning courses available. Or how about a trade? Learning on the job. Hairdressing, plumbing, mechanic?
I am biased but you could also consider programming or website design. There are hundreds of free websites and courses online for these and you don't need qualifications to get a job in it (although it does help). You really haven't messed your life up. And don't forget to think about the things you have achieved. Looking after 3 children is no small task. I frequently struggle to look after my only child!

How about doing some volunteering where your children are at school/nursery? Even if it's just an hour a week? Might get you a foot in the door and it's always something to put on your CV.

Believe, if I'm being honest I have no idea I felt if I was no longer on them, I'd find the strength in me to be positive, to have confidence, to find the drive to do something with my life. Instead of it all being masked on them, I didn't quite realise how shit it all was. I was going on my merry way, raising my children. But I've been off them almost 2 weeks now and the last few days I have just thought about shit is everything is. I barely have enough money for Christmas. (I have stupid electric storage heaters) but I don't even put them on because I can't afford it. I'm in a shit ton of debt with the company as it is (previous owner left them on, I didn't know how to stop the heat blasting out!) I owe a good few hundred to the rent (thanks UC!)
We have no carpets because I can't afford them, it's all just bleak and fucking shit

Make a plan of where you you want to see yourself in the next 5 years and firstly get those lies off your CV as that is a bad start, nobody will want to employ someone who lies. I think you are overwhelmed and possibly have come off your medication too soon, go back and see your doctor. If you have a lap top what about improving your IT skills online, there are free packages. I have looked at typing tests which help you improve your typing skills and speed.

You can write, you’re articulate enough to communicate well on here.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Plenty of people your age are just coming out of university with no work or life experience. You have children and yes that does make things a bit harder but I bet you are more mature and hardworking than many other people your age.

At 29 I was divorced with a 6 year old and I went back to work in a garden centre restaurant (after being made redundant from another job prior to my divorce) and I went online dating and just put myself out there really in all kinds of ways and met my now dh - we have now been together nearly 10 years and have a dc together.

Don’t write your whole life off!

I would go back on the anti depressants, it sounds like you need them. You don’t ever have to come off them if they help - my dh is on them for life because without them he wouldn’t be able to function.

Be kinder to yourself. I would take yourself round your local job agencies and see if they can help you write a cv. If you have no office / admin experience and that’s something you’re interested in ask about temping (continuous temporary work) and ask for a reference every time you leave a role to build up a good base of experience.

If you liked retail work, perhaps volunteering in a charity shop might be a good way to get something on your cv?

You're in Scotland OP? Even better news then! With the OU you can also apply for extra funding for cost of living etc

I just think you need a solid plan OP. You can become a driving instructor! There's no reason why not. Do you drive already? Have access to a car?

I looked into volunteering at the local hospital (handing people cups of water or asking if they wanted a biscuit) but I made up so many lies about how friendly I was, how available I was (stupid I know!) That I was afraid to go to the interview because then they'd just see I was a fake

Driving instructor is a great one for your position. Do you have a license?

I have a provisional, I tried to do lessons but I wasn't very good. I struggled to read the number plate from so far away because I need glasses, so went and got some but then my kids broke them, got another pair and they ended up broken as well. Now I don't have the confidence to go back (keep making up excuses such as I can't go I've 3 kids) which sounds ridiculous but in part it's true, nobody would have them while I say through an 1.5hr eye test.
And now obviously don't have the money.

Well you can write , because you’re writing this . Most writing these days is typed so you have a skill.
You are also quite articulate, so there’s another.
Ther will be plenty of skills and natural talent you have - it’s just a case of finding it - and allowing yourself to acknowledge it.
I’d suggest you ring the National careers advice service and see what they can suggest - they should be able to help you find training and courses. An apprenticeship may be a way to go.
Firstly though work on getting your confidence up in the basics (particularly the ones where you have weakness). Eg if maths isn’t your thing, practice some basics like adding. Subtracting, multiplying, percentages. The khan academy online is feee and very easy to follow.
Can you get to a local library ? They run courses of all sorts.
Could you help /volunteer at your kids school ? Might get you started and gently grin confidence.
Build your confidence and basics whilst you work out what to do - you can add all of those into your CV amdvthey sll show you are working hard on self-improvement and upskilling, all whilst looking after 3 kids. That’s impressive and should get you noticed.
Hope this helps. ,

My nan always said things can only go so far down before they come up again.

Debt - this can be resolved easily. Call step change for advice/solution that's within your budget

Look at the positives. You all have a roof over your head. Your children are clothed and fed and you have each other.

Take life in bitesized pieces. Don't try to do everything all at once focus on one thing at a time. It will piece together eventually but there's no rush.

My and dh have been together for 10 years. Have 2 girls aged 8 and 3 and only this year have bought our own sofa! We've lived together for 9 years. The sofas we had was given to us by my nan. Cream leather. Only this year we've managed to buy our own. Most other things in our house are second hand or given to us. But I'm thankful we have them.

It will get better. Write a list of everything you want to achieve. Then work through from the easiest to achieve first and the hardest to achieve last. By the time you teach the hardest your children will be older and it won't be as hard

I suspect many of you will end up frustrated with me and I'm sorry, but it seems to be part of my nature now to just make up excuses (I think I may have anxiety but it's also possible I've made that up as another excuse )
Yes I'm in scotland

OU is definitely a possibility - www.open.ac.uk/courses/fees-and-funding

Hugs op. At 25 youve had three children so can now look after your self. 25 is vvv young. Make a plan. Contact local college, sometimes they offer free funded childcare places. If not community education. Good luck this is exciting time for you with the world waiting for you. Might be worth seeing gp re ads again.

Well you've made a whole series of choices that mean that, right now, study and work (let alone a career) are not for you right now. So you're going to have to be patient and bide your time and make plans, rather that indulge in an orgy of self-hate. In a few years your kids will be in school and ypu can mske changes.

OP where abouts in Scotland are you if you’re literally 4 hrs from a college?

University isn't everything. How old is your youngest?