Messages through child

[Stephthegreat]

Ds turned 4 in August and has struggled with reception particularly changing for sport.Ive been showing him at home how to dress and undress but he’s still finding it hard.Im upset because yesterday ds came home crying because the teacher said ‘you need to get your mummy to teach you to put your trousers on’.Ds is now very anxious and more worried than he was before and doesn’t want to go to school.

AIBU to wonder why the teacher couldn’t speak to me rather than passing a message through ds?

She wasn't passing on a message it was just a passing comment.teach him to put his trousers on

My ds when both in primary wore their PE kit- t-shirt, joggers and round neck sports jumper, on PE days, and only changed for PE in KS2.

Made it so much easier for the teachers, and they had 2 TA’s in each class!

I also remember in primary school, when KS1 has PE, KS2 pupils would be volunteered to go into the classrooms and help them change. Again a small village school for us (7 in my year group).

I really think it was probably a small comment but as your son is extremely sensitive he has latched onto it. To be honest I'd be more concerned that what was probably a small throw away comment has made your son cry all evening. You sound like you are also very sinditive as you have viewed this in a way that no one else seems to of (teacher passing messages through a child). I'm sure you are trying but his resilience needs boosting as there will be some proper comments from his classmates about all sorts over the years that will be meant to be hurtful and cruel and he really isn't equipped for it. It's so hard when that's their nature. Good luck he will get there.

My son is also an August child & when he started school aged 4 I had the same problem, he could dress himself but wasn’t quick, the Teacher said something to him about it, he told me & his Dad. When I went to pick to him up the next day, I asked if I could have a chat with her about it. She told me she didn’t have time to dress children after PE, I told her I didn’t expect her to dress him as he could do it himself, but he’s not quick, i pointed out he has just gone 4 and was in a class with children who were 5, not far off 5, who were a year in front of him on most things, she understood where I was coming from, no further problems after that conversation. He will get quicker, but it takes time

I still cannot understand why U.K. schools demand that the children get changed into and out of their PE kit?!!! In Ireland they go into school that morning already in their tracksuit for PE. No time wasted changing into and out of kit 🙄

The thing is, there's kids who at 4 just do lack the coordination and presence of mind to be able to get dressed, quickly, without help. Time and practice will get him there eventually but in the meantime he needs a bit of patience from everyone. OP I think sylvanianfrenemies' "you did a mistake - so what?" attitude is a great one to try and cultivate, get him to get used to just trying things and seeing how it goes. I speak here as the mother of a somewhat uncoordinated 6yo who regularly comes back from PE with inside out leggings on and who cried in public for 45 minutes after her sister beat her in a skiing race, so I know where you're coming from...

I have read some of your other posts OP and wonder if your sensitive personality has rubbed off on your son.

Your son not being able to change quickly is not an attack on you or your parenting. Politicians have made education a very round peg-round hole environment where teachers are forced to assess all kids against checklists provided by said politicians. All kids have targets and are made well aware of their strengths and weaknesses. This won't be the last time that your ds will hear what he needs to work on and will hopefully be the beginning of building emotional resilience. Practice at home so he gets more confident- don't be down about it or he will too.