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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messages through child

107 replies

Stephthegreat · 12/12/2018 23:08

Ds turned 4 in August and has struggled with reception particularly changing for sport.Ive been showing him at home how to dress and undress but he’s still finding it hard.Im upset because yesterday ds came home crying because the teacher said ‘you need to get your mummy to teach you to put your trousers on’.Ds is now very anxious and more worried than he was before and doesn’t want to go to school.

AIBU to wonder why the teacher couldn’t speak to me rather than passing a message through ds?

OP posts:
Imissgmichael · 12/12/2018 23:40

The teacher only has 10 pupils for goodness sake and why assume his parents aren’t teaching him to get dressed. The teacher sounds very inexperienced. But then on MN it’s concidered bad form to make any negative remarks about teachers.

BlackeyedGruesome · 12/12/2018 23:41

not that difficult for a teacher to teach the child to put the trousers on either. (certainly taught quite a few reception kids how to turn sleeves the right way etc. ) (also it is easier for the teacher to teach the kid if a parent hasn't, makes getting a pee break more likely if the kids can get dressed quickly and out to play. it is also a good indication of whether it is a parenting issue, (lack of practice as parent usually helps the child mostly) or a developmental issue. all good to build up a picture of children's needs. some of us even managed it back in the day when reception kids wore proper ties and before velcro was common on shoes. (wet shoelaces that have been inthe urinals were a hazard)

BackforGood · 12/12/2018 23:43

Probably a mistake to put this in AIBU, but, as you've asked, then yes, YABU.
She didn't 'pass a message through ds. She pointed out to him that he needed to crack on with putting his trousers on after PE. She's not wrong.

and now he thinks he’s rubbish at everything because he can’t put his trousers on and it is your job to work on that self esteem with him.

BlackeyedGruesome · 12/12/2018 23:43

and there were more than 30 in the class, with no TA

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 12/12/2018 23:43

its so frustrating from a parents viewpoint because we are very conscientious and always ensure he does the reading,homework and never late to school.I just feel that a quick word to me would have been preferable to ds crying all evening and going to bed asking me to teach him again how to put his trousers on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stephthegreat · 12/12/2018 23:44

There is also a TA in the class

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ghostsandghoulies · 12/12/2018 23:45

Its hard to know what to say as we didn't hear her tone. It could have been anything from very gentle to snippy.
Keep on practicing and he'll get there. Smile

MutedUser · 12/12/2018 23:46

I totally understand but then lots of children would just let that comment go over their heads . I don’t think the comment was that awful that she would expect the child to cry all evening over it.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 12/12/2018 23:46

Tryingtothinkofaclevername while i see your point I wonder if the OP has made you question whether saying it directly to the child is actually putting extra pressure on them?

I think the teacher is probably young/inexperienced/ not a parent and just doesn't get that getting dressed is difficult for some children. She probably thinks you have never tried to teach him and just do it for him.You should speak to her

MutedUser · 12/12/2018 23:47

A teaching assistant too for a class of 10 pupils I need to get my children at that school . We have 25 here and no TA

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 12/12/2018 23:48

He’s a sensitive child,he’s done so well in so many other things.I hate seeing him upset,all children are different some might not be bothered at the teacher’s comment.Ds just worries about things.

OP posts:
Imissgmichael · 12/12/2018 23:48

Considered

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 12/12/2018 23:50

MutedUser it’s a village school

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curlykaren · 12/12/2018 23:50

Does he wear jogging bottoms for PE? If so I'd send him in them for the whole day. My son is in yr 5 and the whole class go to school in PE kit to save time. Don't give the teacher a chance to question him just tell her he will be coming in wearing jogging bottoms on PE days as changing is making him anxious.

MutedUser · 12/12/2018 23:52

Is he your first child at school Steph? It does get easier I promise

ghostsandghoulies · 12/12/2018 23:53

I doubt that it's a message to you per se. She probably meant it as general encouragement to practice as many kids will be motivated by their teacher suggesting it.

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 12/12/2018 23:53

They wear shorts for pe I think they just do sport in the hall.They are strict on uniform so I’m not sure they would allow him to wear joggers

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garethsouthgatesmrs · 12/12/2018 23:53

I don’t think the comment was that awful that she would expect the child to cry all evening over it

I agree but people who choose to work with small children should be really sensitive and careful and telling her how DS feels will help her to improve her practice in future

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 12/12/2018 23:54

Yes he’s my first child my youngest won’t go for another 2 years

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TheSmallAssassin · 12/12/2018 23:57

I think you and his dad need to work on helping him worry less, rather than wanting the teacher to pussy foot around him. Remind him that he's good at lots of other things, that it will get easier with practice, that it's not the end of the world if the teacher tells him there's something he needs to improve, distract him when he starts to focus on his worry. Your job is to help him become more resilient (and better at dressing!)

MutedUser · 13/12/2018 00:01

Yeah the first is the hardest Steph it’s hard to get used to the idea that they can’t always get one on one attention from a teacher . I guess just keep working on the trousers at home and speak to the teacher about how he is sensitive just to make her aware.

TheSmallAssassin · 13/12/2018 00:01

P.S. I have a summer born boy too, so I know it's hard not to be overprotective when they're the tiniest in the class, but it's true, he does need to get better at dressing and he will learn to as he gets more practice, that's what you need to reinforce with him. Don't forget that it's the end of a long first term at school, all of the kids will be a bit knackered and emotional, so don't fret too much, it's just natural!

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 13/12/2018 00:03

We have tried to reassure ds,we have talked about it a lot.i don’t expect the teacher to ‘pussyfoot’ around ds just communicate with me.If the the teacher wants us to help ds dress then surely it would be better to just mention it to me!why say it to a 4 year old who she knows is very sensitive and who is trying their best?

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Original poster
Stephthegreat · 13/12/2018 00:05

It’s made me think that the teacher doesn’t know ds at all either that or she wants to stress him out.

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MutedUser · 13/12/2018 00:08

No teacher would deliberately stress out a 4 year old maybe the same comment was said to a few children as in by the time they come back from the holidays they should all be dressing themselves . I really wouldn’t take it to heart so much .