People who sit on the aisle side on the bus / train

[CruCru]

There seems to be an epidemic of people choosing to sit on the aisle side of the bus or train, leaving the window seat free. Is it just me or is this quite a weird thing to do?

They probably think that people are less likely to sit next to them but once the bus / train fills up (the ones I get always have people standing), all the seats fill up so people have to squeeze past them to get on and off.

*lives

I look young. I look able bodied. I look like I should be able to walk. Stand. Sit in a window seat. I wear make up when I go out.

What you don’t see when you are being a judgey fucker is the anxiety that means I can’t leave without my make up. Because I’m so ugly that the world doesn’t need to see me. The crumbling spine. The neck that doesn’t work. The knee and foot and all the other pains that mean I take a plethora of painkillers every day. My arm doesn’t work properly. That crumbling spine again. Damn me for taking time to lift my bag off the seat.

How very pleasant of you to judge me. Without knowing anything about my life.

I prefer the window seat, because whenever I'm in an aisle seat I seem to get bumped by people / their bags as they go past.

I'm happy to ask someone if they mind moving. Small shortarse so leg room & space aren't problems, & if the person on the outside is moving into my half of the seat I shift my bag over so it's between us.

It’s a 10 second conversation

Yep. In fact it's not even 10 seconds! It's such a non-issue it's bizarre how people are even mentioning it.

God forbid you have to indicate to someone that you want to sit in a free seat on a public bus which you are entitled to.

I'm the opposite, I have to sit next to a window because I get travel sick and staring out of the window helps. Even better if it's a double decker bus and I get the front seat on the top! But I always squish in in case someone needs to sit next to me.

I might get the bus to work this afternoon instead of driving. Remind my self that is's very straight forward.

I don't care whether someone sits next to me, it's just that I can't stand the window side. I get restless legs and need to be able to stretch them out. I end up with cramp, and accidentally kicking the person sitting opposite. Nobody needs to stand as a result, I'll happily move for them to sit in the window seat and certainly don't put my bag on it.

On rush hour commuter trains (which I catch daily) it's totally standard for people to take the aisle seat first, and totally standard to move to let people in to the window one. The trains are packed so there's certainly no question of any seats being left empty, or anyone assuming that they might be.

MN is definitely the wrong place for your mental health if it’s going to be exasperated by thinking people have opinions on your actions, * the whole forum is very critical of all types of behaviour!

Everyone judges. You’re judging the people who are saying they think aisle seat hoggers are selfish. Judging the word around you is just part of life.

I always choose the aisle seat. It doesn't bother me if someone wants to then take the window seat. I prefer the aisle because a) I don't like being trapped against the window by a stranger, and b) I can tick my legs out for more room if there aren't people walking up and down. Each to their own!

I was blocked into a window seat by a drunk man who then stroked my leg. If a lady/child wants to sit next to me I'll shuffle along if a man does I'll stand up and let him sit by the window.

I like the window seat. I just say can I sit there? And point to the seat. If someone prefers the aisle that's fine.

as a woman i feel the aisle seat is much safer on public transport rather than feeling trapped, i have been flashed on a bus (years ago) so i like to know i could escape if needed help

It's all really a non issue though.
Either there are spare seats or there aren't.
If there aren't, you stand.
If there are, you sit.
On the train, If there's a person already on the adjacent seat (window or aisle) you say "excuse me is this seat free?"
Then they yes and either shuffle over to the window seat or stand up to let you pass.
Why all the drama? 99% of people are not going to ask you to move from the seat in which you are sat. If they do, you say "no, but you can sit here." Or even wave vaguely at your leg and say "no, my leg, but I'll let you past".
No one is interested in your health issues, they want a seat that is convenient, just as you do.

I would always opt for the aisle seat on any transport. I feel incredibly fidgety and get travel sick if on the window side, and I get anxious about asking people to move to let me out when I get to my stop or if I need the toilet.

I always keep my bag on my lap to make it clear that the window seat is available and will make way for people to get in to the window seat. If doing this makes me rude then I'll put my hand up

It’s really saddening to read posts from people with such little confidence they wouldn’t feel capable of saying to someone in an aisle seat ‘excuse me, could I sit there please?’ while gesturing at the window seat. How do you even function day to day?

Also for the many posters who’ve been harassed or assaulted on public transport. It happened to me enough times that I no longer give a shit whether I come across as ‘rude’ or not, my safety is more important. If I’m sat on a window seat on a near empty train and a man comes and sits right next to me I won’t play nice and feel awkward and rude asking him to move as ‘he technically hasn’t done anything wrong’ as I used to anymore. I will stand up and ask him to move so I can go sit elsewhere. He’s the one who made it weird, not me.

I honestly don’t give a shit who might silently judge me for sitting on an aisle seat. I’m glad for the posters who’ve never experience harassment, intimidation or assault on public transport but I’m surprised they don’t understand it does happen to other women and not rarely either.

I keep an eye out for men doing this to women now, especially when it’s an old or adult man doing it to a younger or teenage girl. I’ve got up before and asked a young woman if she’s okay and if she wants to come and sit next to me after spending the previous ten minutes overbearing this man asking her all kinds of personal questions she was trying her best to politely dodge but clearly lacked the confidence to tell him to get to fuck (‘where are you travelling to? What stop are you getting off at? What school do you do to? Do you have a boyfriend?’).

It’s an issue when you have to climb over them, or your in a 4 seat compartment with 3 men manspreading their legs all over the window seat space.

Yep, daily commute here

i sit by the isle seat so when the train gets to my destination i can get out quickly, so i'm not late for work. otherwise i have to wait for the other person to get up and sometimes they dont do that till the train is empty (espec if they arent working).

I dont see why that is rude or being difficult. if others do then i think they need to get a life. if they are disabled then there are special seats they can have priority on.

I sit on the aisle seat, particularly if I am working on the train. I may need to get stuff out of my bag, and it's easier for me to do that if I'm not having to annoy anyone else by getting them to move, plus there's more room. I have a long commute and have no problem with anyone else sitting next to me - I will happily shift to let them get in.

Sitting in the aisle seat isn’t rude by itself. Sitting in the aisle seat and putting your bag on the window seat and looking the other way when people get on the train at the next stop, though... that is.

Someone did this on the priority seats on my (busy, commuter) train a few days ago which has to be scoring some kind of Bad Public Transport Behaviour hat-trick.

It’s a 10 second conversation. And perhaps a 20 second manoeuvre.
Really, really not that big a deal.

Actually, it can be. As I said above, not everyone will move when asked to, and some people will refuse rudely. Also, for people with social phobias asking can be a very big deal because it involves requesting something from a stranger, so it can be easier to not ask and stand until a seat comes empty.

I have what l call a nervous bladder . The second l get someone between me and the loo and l know l will have to disturb to go to the loo, then off it goes telling me l need yet another wee. I was once on a plane and lm a very nervous flyer which makes me worse and a young woman was sat in the aisle seat me on inside of her. I asked her if she'd like to swap as it's ridiculous how often l need the loo on a plane (my nurse friend says it's adrenaline as lm scared) but she declined. It was awful and within five mins l was bursting to go and disturbed her about three more times in the first hour. Then she looked at me and said very assertively that she was going to sleep now 'OK?' and then put her eye mask and headphones on. There was now no way to communicate with her if l wanted to pass. I was in actual pain trying hold it in from then on till my DH intervened and told the air hostess l needed get out and she woke the woman up. I refused to sit back down in my seat and a lovely stewardess found me an aisle seat near the loos for the last hour or so. I get she must ve been annoyed but l really can't help it and l am sure it's psychological that when l can't go l instantly want to.

saskia but social phobia can also mean that you need the aisle seat to avoid feeling hemmed in. It's difficult but neither one trumps the other - if you get there first you get the choice. Adding another worry to an anxious person, like 'am I anxious enough to have this seat, what if someone more anxious than me is too anxious to ask me to move' is kind of a dick move.

Also, for people with social phobias asking can be a very big deal because it involves requesting something from a stranger

The social phobia of asking doesn’t trump the need to sit in the aisle of the person already there.

I do not wish to sit at the window. You do not wish to ask to sit at the window. Not my problem.

I'm really claustrophobic so do this. I don't think it's a big deal really. If someone evidently had mobility issues I'd mice over or move seats though.

i like to think i'm generally agreeable. But surely its not my responsibility to always sit by the window in case someone with a social phobia gets on the train?

I don’t like being hemmed into the window on public transport because when I was younger a guy tried to molest me that way. I always sit in the aisle now and will get up to let someone into the window rather than move over. Most people accept it.