To adopt a kitten I can't look after?

[kittencatmeow]

I absolutely cannot manage a pet myself. I'm not an animal person and my OCD just wouldn't handle it plus our home isn't really pet friendly (high building, small flat)

DS (6) on the other hand adores animals, wants to be a vet and loves helping relatives and friends care for theirs

Friend has just had kittens (her cat actually) she once mentioned that she might keep one next time, and my son could "own it" living at theirs

She lives literally over the road and has several animals.

She may or may not actually decide to keep any kittens as obviously it's extra work for her

But IF she did... and it was "my DS cat" that lived over the road... I don't think she will be totally honest about how much it may cost, she's the type of person who does herself over sometimes by giving far too much of herself... how much should I consider I should budget, what would DS need to be responsible for, vet bills, food, bedding, toys etc...

And can cats ever safely visit other homes? Like could it ever come to stay for brief periods of time? Or would that totally confuse it?

Just wondering so I can clue up in case she does decide to keep one we can adopt...

Ah, but fish die like nobody's business. That's not testament to you being able to look after animals!
I think you're wise to keep your foot down though. No pets. But allow your son to call your friend's new kitten 'his' if she's ok with it, no harm done. He could even think up a name for it.

Rabbits are pretty hard to keep as pets, I wouldn't let my dc have one and they have had rats, mice, gerbils, fish, snails, cat and a dog.
Honestly OP if you don't feel able to have pets don't. Your dc can have pets as an adult.

Why don't you just let son have the kitten. Cats are not much work. They need feeding a couple of pouches each day and some crunchies. Get it spayed/neutered at 15-17 weeks old. Buy a scratch post and some toys and a basket and litter tray. If it is. A house cat and never goes out it will be fine provided given lots of cuddles and attention. Flea every month and worm every other month. Job done.

Rabbits are difficult, should live in groups, or at least pairs, need space, and lots of them are not particularly fond of people.

Rats make much much better pets in so many ways, but I am not suggesting that you should have them, just mentioning that rabbits aren't a great choice.

If your friend wants another cat, and you offer to help her out financially and in return your son can call the cat his cat, that seems ok. I would just make sure that you are clear about the finances and the long term commitment. I would suggest that you give her a certain amount of money a year for 5 years or so, and your son gets to share the cat with his friends. This would only work if you are really close to the mum, and completely honest that you can take no responsibility for the cat- it is her cat really.

The thing is that cats never really belong to anybody; you can't predict how they will react or who they will choose to bestow their attention on. If this were a dog it would make more sense, as a dog will love the person who takes care of it, so if you walked it and fed it every day, it would give you lots of love and attention. Cats are not like that.

FWIW OP, I think you sound very sensible in not getting a pet if you’re not totally happy with the idea! I get the whole liking other people’s animals from a distance, but having no desire to live with them or get closer.

Also loving the idea of a jolly land snail

There’s no guarantee the cat would even like your son - it wouldn’t be spending enough time with him to build a proper relationship, and some cats just hate small children.

So you could end up rpaying for a cat that won’t go anywhere near your son/

Several cities have cat cafes now. Or you could volunteer as a cat cuddler. Although you say you aren't a cat lover. Cats are very good and winning people over. You may find that the right cat could really help your MH issues.

OP you don’t have to get a pet just because your son wants one. I desperately love animals but never had a pet and I’m fine! It really doesn’t sound like it’s tge right thing for you. Your son can spend time with animals that don’t live in your home

No real advice, but I want to say I understand. I'm not a fan of animals and would never want a pet (unless something massively massively changes in my life). My partners family has a couple of dogs and cats between them, so any children we have will be able to interact with animals a lot without me having to look after them.

Do you live with your sons dad? If not does your son see him and is there any chance he would have a pet in his house?

No his dad walked away from him recently

One of my reasons for wishing I could deal with a pet for him that would not reject him

But sounds like a cat was a bad consideration anyway on that front

Ah sorry to hear that

Is it the cleaning you couldn't deal with, or the looking after the pet?

^One of my reasons for wishing I could deal with a pet for him that would not reject him

But sounds like a cat was a bad consideration anyway on that front^

yeah if you have abandonment fears a cat is not the best cure (glares at all three of her cats currently ignoring her).

My OCD is more contamination than cleaning... obsessions with cleaning do come into it but it's a little more complicated than simply wanting to keep everything clean

I also just think I would be a crap pet owner and don't have a lovely pet suitable home or lifestyle to offer them- even if I didn't have OCD

This does not sound like a good idea , very muddy waters and when it comes to friends and money it’s never smooth sailing

So don’t get one. Tell him you don’t want one.

😅 I want to scream now

THE CAT IDEA HAS BEEN SHELVED- IM NOT GETTING A CAT

Or a rat, or a snake, or a snail (even the jolliest one)

good good :)

The answer to this is probably no but could you cope with dog walking? Borrow my doggie allows non-pet owners to help out dog owners by walking their dogs and local shelters are always looking for volunteers to walk dogs.

don't worry OP, that is fine. It was a perfectly reasonable question to ask, and it is good that you have made a decision.

yeah, my [mild] ocd was around contamination. I still get it occasionally in hotels, so I am sympathetic. I know it is not just about cleaning but overfocus. best wishes to you, and you sound like a very loving and thoughtful mother.

No I couldn't do dog walking... but I may find a neighbour locally who would be fine with DS popping over to feed one now and then and assist with walking.

Will have to think... one lady who adores DS and would have probably jumped to let him do that, problem is I know her dog isn't particularly child friendly and she has to put him on the lead when we pass and hold close so I don't think good idea

Hmm they have therapy dogs don't they?!

I wonder if that's rediculously expensive... or impossible to find on a 1-1

A dog who visited... with a trained owner... regularly... for emotional support... would be perfect?!

Dp’s cat was just knocked over. It cost almost £700. He will get it back through insurance. But do you have money (maybe not this much maybe more), aside that if something happened in an emergency (it happened at night), you could cover expenses until the insurance was sorted?

If your planning a zoo trip, could you not look into him adopting one? Get him to choose who his favourite is....Get him a membership and he can go and visit often. You will get updates in the post etc that will keep him up to date?

I don't know the full details but there may be ones that he is able to hold/feed as part of the 'adoption'

Okay okay I hear you! Substitute cat with any animal. Try can be bloody expensive (£3200 in my case several years ago-dog).