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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To adopt a kitten I can't look after?

132 replies

kittencatmeow · 10/12/2018 22:26

I absolutely cannot manage a pet myself. I'm not an animal person and my OCD just wouldn't handle it plus our home isn't really pet friendly (high building, small flat)

DS (6) on the other hand adores animals, wants to be a vet and loves helping relatives and friends care for theirs

Friend has just had kittens (her cat actually) she once mentioned that she might keep one next time, and my son could "own it" living at theirs

She lives literally over the road and has several animals.

She may or may not actually decide to keep any kittens as obviously it's extra work for her

But IF she did... and it was "my DS cat" that lived over the road... I don't think she will be totally honest about how much it may cost, she's the type of person who does herself over sometimes by giving far too much of herself... how much should I consider I should budget, what would DS need to be responsible for, vet bills, food, bedding, toys etc...

And can cats ever safely visit other homes? Like could it ever come to stay for brief periods of time? Or would that totally confuse it?

Just wondering so I can clue up in case she does decide to keep one we can adopt...

OP posts:
Charmlight · 10/12/2018 22:47

Also, a person who having more than one litter is being a bit irresponsible in my (not valuable) opinion. Don’t get involved. He can visit, and have his own when he’s old enough. Or volunteer somewhere.

Original poster
kittencatmeow · 10/12/2018 22:47

Her DS and mine are best pals... same age... often at hers together...

But I see the point that may not always be the case and I hope we don't but we could fall out one day I suppose or move

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 10/12/2018 22:48

It would no more be his cat than any of her others, except you’d be paying for it

And why isn’t the cat spayed?

1ndig0 · 10/12/2018 22:49

Do you live in a flat OP? Is she in a house? What is the road like?

Calvinsmam · 10/12/2018 22:49

Even if they are best pals I think the cat would cause conflict and jealousy. If it’s supposed to be your sons cat but will inevitably like the child it lives with more.

Also cats live a really long time, your son could potentially be 26 when the cat dies.

Original poster
kittencatmeow · 10/12/2018 22:49

I have no idea I know nothing about cats as I think you've all figured out!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/12/2018 22:49

My DS never sees his best friend from when he was that age. Went to different secondary schools.
She should get her pets neutered rather than trying to get you to pay her costs.

Original poster
kittencatmeow · 10/12/2018 22:50

To be clear... she's not trying anything. A random comment got me wondering if it was workable. Nobody has asked anyone to do anything...

OP posts:
Calvinsmam · 10/12/2018 22:51

I think you need to go back to the drawing board.

Do you have a cat cafe in your town you could take him to? There’s one near me where it’s a rescue place.

Wolfiefan · 10/12/2018 22:52

You know nothing about cats.
You don’t want a cat.
You can’t pay for someone else’s pet for the next 20’years.
Find a better solution.

Original poster
kittencatmeow · 10/12/2018 22:53

What's a cat cafe?

It's becoming clear none of you think this is the fantastic idea I hoped it might be...

How could I manage a "pet" that doesn't live with us that could give my son something of what he really is after wanting to be a vet and adoring animals? There are other emotional reasons why I think he would get a lot out of it but I just cannot manage it

OP posts:
Jamiefraserskilt · 10/12/2018 22:53

Bad idea. Why can't he just play with his friend's cats?

Calvinsmam · 10/12/2018 22:55

It’s a cafe that has resident cats that you can go and visit.

Vinorosso74 · 10/12/2018 22:55

I agree with other it's a terrible idea. She is also a highly irresponsible owner for not having her cat spayed!
My DD "tries cats out" at our local Cats Protection to see if they are child friendly. Perhaps a local rescue may do something similar.

Calvinsmam · 10/12/2018 22:55

Is there no way you could have another type of pet?

Wolfiefan · 10/12/2018 22:56

Dog walking for the cinnamon trust?
Are you seeking treatment for the OCD? Shame to not let him have any pet ever.

Original poster
kittencatmeow · 10/12/2018 22:56

He does play with his friends cats... but wants desperately to have his own pet

I couldn't cope with a goldfish!

OP posts:
Calvinsmam · 10/12/2018 22:57

Well it’s good you acknowledge that’s not an option.

I agree with pp maybe some volunteering would be good for him

Original poster
kittencatmeow · 10/12/2018 22:59

I will google cat cafes and dog walking opportunities

Even if I could manage a pet and a few do... I live in a block of flats high up and don't think it's fair on them. There's no busy road to worry about but it can't operate a lift or key and I don't think there's room even if I could manage one realistically. I feel really sorry for the dogs and cats who do live in the building but none are as high as me...

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/12/2018 23:00

There are lots of smaller pets that can cope in a block of flats.
What are you doing to tackle your issues? That’s the real problem here.

BumDisease · 10/12/2018 23:02

On what planet is in anyway a good idea? Don't be stupid OP.

Original poster
kittencatmeow · 10/12/2018 23:02

Even if I could cure my OCD... I have and will continue with therapy and medication but I don't think it will turn me into an animal lover

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/12/2018 23:06

But maybe you could cope with your child having a pet?

Calvinsmam · 10/12/2018 23:06

That’s ok meow you’re doing the right thing here by not getting a pet when you can’t cope with one but looking for something for you ds.

EssexMummy123456 · 10/12/2018 23:09

My latest cat was a feral rescue kitten, he has several acres to roam but he chooses to spend his life inside my utility room and he would be happy never to have to go any further.

I wouldn't worry about toys/bedding - my cat has a couple of lovely beds but prefers a cardboard box, he has zero interest in toys.
He gets fed wet food once a day and the dried food is just kept topped up. So maybe 3-4 pound a week on food and around 12 a month on insurance.

My suggestion is - why don't you holiday sit a older cat for a short period to see how you get on.

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