To adopt a kitten I can't look after?

[kittencatmeow]

I absolutely cannot manage a pet myself. I'm not an animal person and my OCD just wouldn't handle it plus our home isn't really pet friendly (high building, small flat)

DS (6) on the other hand adores animals, wants to be a vet and loves helping relatives and friends care for theirs

Friend has just had kittens (her cat actually) she once mentioned that she might keep one next time, and my son could "own it" living at theirs

She lives literally over the road and has several animals.

She may or may not actually decide to keep any kittens as obviously it's extra work for her

But IF she did... and it was "my DS cat" that lived over the road... I don't think she will be totally honest about how much it may cost, she's the type of person who does herself over sometimes by giving far too much of herself... how much should I consider I should budget, what would DS need to be responsible for, vet bills, food, bedding, toys etc...

And can cats ever safely visit other homes? Like could it ever come to stay for brief periods of time? Or would that totally confuse it?

Just wondering so I can clue up in case she does decide to keep one we can adopt...

Why are people trying to make pp consider getting a pet?

Her ds is six, she would have to do all the work and she’d hate it.

We’ve seen so many threads on here of people saying ‘Aibu to regime my guinea pig because I can’t cope with the mess’ and they get called all things under the sun.
It’s not fair on OP to make her feel guiltier than she already does, it wouldn’t be fair on the animal or her ds if she ended up getting one and then getting it rehomed.

It’s also unfair to suggest to a young child they can have a kitten that won’t actuallu be theirs at all.

But even if I could manage DS having a pet - I live in a high rise flat with no outdoor space high up

It wouldn't have much of a life?! With an adult who isn't a fan of animals either? Obviously I don't hate animals but neither am I keen on being that close to them and they surely need owners who will love them? DS would love it but be at school half the time and also still be 6...

Nothing has been suggested to DS... I've posted on MN to find out first if it was possible

No way should you get a cat unless you have a home to welcome it into.
A safe haven that it knows is home.
A cat needs to have safety.
Yes you’ve got to think about maintenance ie food, fleas, worms etc
But a cat is not a toy

It's a shit, horrible idea. Give your head a wobble and just let it go.

If you’re not prepared to look after a pet then don’t get one. Tell your child you don’t want one and that decision is final.

There's a lot of people commenting on on if you should do it so I won't do that but I will put things into perspective for you.

My lovely cat this year has cost me personally over £2000 and that doesn't include the part that the insurance has covered which is around £5000-£6000 she is on special vet food and needs medicated 3 times a day. And needs to see the vet at least 4 times a year but if she gets ill then also has multiple more visits and or a vet hospital stay

She is ill but with common conditions that most lots cats get as they get older.
I'm happy to do anything that she needs because I love her and she has been my loyal companion for 15 years.

My point is would you really want to pay that much money or be involved enough to care for the animal if the reality was that it's someone else's cat because it lived with and loved another family.

😂 my head has wobbled... I asked.. got told it's a bad idea... now apparently need to defend why I won't own a pet in an unsuitable property and not being keen on animals!

But asked for suggestions. So far cat cafes and dog walking opportunities have been suggested and I will google them

Who’s commenting saying she do it?
I think it’s been a pretty resounding no.
And the OP has agreed

The cat will probably take to a member of the household much more than a child that visits every so often. Imagine went ahead with this and the cat doesn't want to interact with him? Your wee son would be heartbroken. Aside from that, this is a situation that would cause no end of disagreements between the two boys.

You obviously want to do the right thing for your son OP but as you say, he's only 6 so I wouldn't worry yourself about him needing pets to be a vet. When I was 6 I wanted to be a ballerina or a farmer. I am neither of those things. There are other ways that you can nurture his caring side.

As an aside, what help are you getting for your OCD?

I saw something once where it was kennels who get kids to read to the dogs and it was so pure and lovely but I don’t know if it’s a thing that everywhere does or just a publicity stunt.

I wanted to be a crocodile farmer i was desperate for a crocodile but wasn’t allowed one (rude!).
I got over it.

My husband loves animals too and couldn’t have pets as a child because his mam is very particular with her house. He lived.
He just got them when he was an adult.

I don’t think it would work.

If you ever did want to get a cat (and it’s fine if you don’t), then you’d be better off going to a small rehoming charity who could match you with an adult cat who had a temperament suited to indoor life.

It’s quite normal in other countries to keep cats as house pets, and many are very happy to stay indoors.

My OCD is managed with therapy and medication... I see my GP regularly. I've lived with it for years now. It's not going away tomorrow but I still manage to live...

DS hasn't been disappointed as he hasn't been promised anything or a clue I've even considered it. He already thinks it's a no but tries to persuade me often with ideas like he will take it to school everyday... he is 6

I'm glad you seem to have decided against it. There would be too many grey areas. For instance what if your DS loses interest and stops visiting, then some time later she tells you "your" cat needs expensive vet care?

It’s a terrible idea. Just go and visit the kitten, don’t get into any complicated ‘ownership’ agreements.

The nearest cat cafe seems to be quite far... in our city but not local

It's a bloody vegan cat cafe 😂😂😂
Actually just vegan options but it gave me a laugh at first

Maybe not quite a pet but it will make a nice Xmas treat if I can get someone other than me to take him... granny doesn't mind cats so might book for them.

Oh actually, you might have to check if they let kids in. I’ve just thought that some don’t.

I don't know what your obsessions around animals are so this may not work for you but could you visit a zoo/city farm/petting zoo regularly so your son can see and handle animals without you having to deal with the cost or emotional attachment?

I have OCD as well and I admire you for trying to think of ways to help your son that are so at odds with how you feel.

I think the friend really wants a reason to keep the kitten, and you would both be helping by paying the money this year towards its upkeep. In another year, who knows maybe the cat would be perfectly happy to relocate to your flat. And for a year your son would have the pleasure of getting to know about cats, and bond with that particular kitten, even if it ends up staying with the current owner.

I cannot see any harm in you in effect sponsoring the kitten, and it might help you deal with some of your own issues long term too.

Cats aren't such hard work as people make out. I have three; yes they can bring a bit of extra cleaning into the mix, but inevitably your standards slip slightly, which is as it should be, after all children are never that clean either!!! In our house there are no allergies and no stomach related illnesses and very few d & v viruses, and I can only say I think it is related to the three cats trailing mud in all the time ...even if you live in a small flat there is no reason why the cat shouldn't be brought downstairs for outings especially if there are gardens around you. Cats go off and explore and come back home. Well certainly ours do. And then they snooze happily most of the day draped over the furniture/humans...

I really feel for you kitten.

My last post wasn't to bash you it was to give you a real life example of the complications of pet ownership.

Your desperately trying to come up with a solution for your son that also takes into account of your illness.

It's an impossible position to be in.

My opinion is that idea won't work but I can see why you thought of it and very much hope you find a solution.

fwiw, I seriously went off cats when my children were little and we didn't replace the one that died. Perhaps it was a form of maternal preoccupation/mild OCD. My long standing interest in and tolerance of cats returned (I had a cat free gap for 6 years then we got a kitten for dd aged 6 and I felt entirely at ease. It is like having babies in the sense that you really don't see the point until you have your own cat and bond with it. And I mourned my old cat too; not that I didn't, just that living with a child can often be so intense that a cat relationship seems less interesting earlier on in your child's life.

This is a bad idea but for completely different reasons than you think.

What you could do is adopt a youngish adult indoor cat - contrary to popular belief not all cats want to go outside. Remember that cats are much smaller than humans and they climb and jump, so even a smallish flat could be a good home.