To adopt a kitten I can't look after?

[kittencatmeow]

I absolutely cannot manage a pet myself. I'm not an animal person and my OCD just wouldn't handle it plus our home isn't really pet friendly (high building, small flat)

DS (6) on the other hand adores animals, wants to be a vet and loves helping relatives and friends care for theirs

Friend has just had kittens (her cat actually) she once mentioned that she might keep one next time, and my son could "own it" living at theirs

She lives literally over the road and has several animals.

She may or may not actually decide to keep any kittens as obviously it's extra work for her

But IF she did... and it was "my DS cat" that lived over the road... I don't think she will be totally honest about how much it may cost, she's the type of person who does herself over sometimes by giving far too much of herself... how much should I consider I should budget, what would DS need to be responsible for, vet bills, food, bedding, toys etc...

And can cats ever safely visit other homes? Like could it ever come to stay for brief periods of time? Or would that totally confuse it?

Just wondering so I can clue up in case she does decide to keep one we can adopt...

Children get an enormous amount out of living with pets. Yes he will live without a pet, but it is such an extraordinary relationship, I think we are hardwired to care for living things and to learn from it.

I think it's sweet. I don't think you should take your friend literally, I think she means she keep a kitten and just say it's your DS'. He will call it his cat and as he spends a lot of time there, it's a lovely idea. My youngest DS has two cats and a rabbit at PIL house. They are their pets obviously but DS says they are his while he's there.

I agree with Blanche.
food and cat litter would cost about £10 a week if you use a good quality dry food bought in bulk
vaccinations and worming/flea £200 max a year?
neutering would be another upfront cost in a few months time.
bedding and toys - well you don't really need toys if you are in a house with other cats....perhaps £20 for some toys for yours.
cat basket..25£
litter tray at yours with filter and door (less smelly) 25£

cats can be moved to another house on regular basis as long as they know you and are used to cat basket. It is no different to going to a different room in the same house, when the humans and smells are familiar.

it is like a child really, you know your home and then you get used to other familiar places too, if you are used to the people in them. Humans are pretty territorial too, I think we forget this.

Take him to visit lots of animals, take him to your friends to visit cats.. but no a cat is not a suitable pet for your home and this plan of owning a cat who lives elsewhere is fraught with issues.

Instead work on your OCD and seek a pet that would live in his room, that he could actually take care of.

Two examples would be, rats (multiple, they need to be in groups) - he would need help handling and taming baby rats but once done they are (particularly boys) big enough to be easily handled by a child, and bigger jobs like cage clean outs he could play with rats whilst you change out hammocks/toys etc.

The other would be a cornsnake - these are very docile, take to being handled very well if handled regularly, need minimal cleaning and will be happy to wait for your son to be home to be handled.

I think given your sons desires and love for animals you do need to address your issues with them, and having kept a huge range of species over the years these are the best options that involve minimal input from you.

Ridiculous

Argh no rats, no snakes... !!!

If you intend to get a pet of any sort you really need to know what you are doing.
It’s cruel and unfair to get a pet that you have no idea about.
My dd loves reptiles (I don’t) and my rules were
You must research it
Know exactly what you are doing
Make sure it’s living a good life
Why is a kitten so dispensable?

I will check if cat cafe will let him go there with granny for a treat

I currently own a robotic dog... far from the real thing but I once hoped it would work

I am taking him to the zoo for a Xmas treat but dislike zoos and feel unsure of the ethics around them but it'll work for DS briefly

Maybe I will find a solution someday but it won't be rats or snakes 😰

Perhaps he will live on a farm or animal sanctuary in rebellion at me when he's older... there's worse outcomes I can think of than that as a rebellion

It’s totally not the right thing for you but I feel duty bound to step in and say that rats are really good pets and get have a bad reputation for no reason.
Fancy rats are not like wild rats and are honestly the nicest, most intelligent creatures that will bring you lots of love and then die and break your heart forever.

You shouldn’t get any, but I am duty bound to say that.

If only he'd just adopt the daddy longlegs that I don't actually mind and see in the bathroom fairly often... I'd be sorted. He hates it and I have to hoover them (spider safe Hoover... they get shaken out the window alive)

Or a ladybird! Plenty of them around too

Would you be able to cope with an African land snail??

Is it giant? Does it need cleaning? Is it poisonous? Would it be happy?

1. giant for a snail
2. about same as fish
3. no
4. erm I think you’d have to google about them but the ones I met seemed jolly enough.

Just googled it... I don't think so. I'd prefer a rabbit but still the issue of cleaning... and space... and actually needing to hold it sometimes

I just saw a lady with one as big as her palm? Was that not the same thing?

www.pets4homes.co.uk/pet-advice/snails-as-pets-the-giant-african-land-snail.html

Yeah they’re pretty big! And they live a long time.

What is it you don’t like about animals?

I’m not asking that in a mean way btw just trying to work out what you don’t like in case there’s something that doesn’t do the things you don’t like.

I don't dislike animals as such... I'm just a bit pathetic about them... can't manage a cat sitting on me or a dog jumping up at me... or really ever desire to do anything but look from a distance at them...

I lived on a farm once! I really don't know what happened... I was very young and hadnt yet developed fear I suppose but also the animals frequently disappeared and I spent time bagging up bloody meat quite young. I'm not a vegetarian... but now can't cope with the smell of animals or meat (uncooked) for long. Maybe I'm just too detatched?

I also once killed a few fish... unintentionally. I thought I'd have a few in my first flat. They died. So I've concluded I am not capable of keeping pets

The snail was a good idea but I think DS would try and smuggle it into his room

And the carrier of salmonella thing... I would probably bleach the place to oblivion and kill us all with the fumes.

It's a wonder I managed a baby... but he was surprisingly easy compared with the thought of a snail. I didn't mind him... another isn't an option though I wish very much it was.

Do any of DS's grandparents have pets? Before we got our cat a few months ago, my children thought of my mum's cats as theirs. They played with them, fed them, and cuddled them whenever they went there. Sometimes went on vet visits, drew pictures of the cats and for the cats, took treats round for them, sent them catty Christmas cards - all the funny things kids do with pets.
Now we have our own cat, they still do all these things with my mum's cats, but they call them "Granny's cats" now, whereas before they were "our cats".
It gave them a good idea of what owning a cat was like and gave them all the nice bits that children want from a pet, until we were in a position to have our own.
I think you're right, you're not in a position to have a pet for many reasons, but I don't think sharing a cat with the friend across the road is a good idea. It would be hard for your ds to know that his friend is with the cat all the time when he isn't.

Yes granny has a cat but lives almost 100 miles away...