To refuse to take these children without a car seat

[concernedforthefuture]

DC had a birthday party at the weekend which involved an out of town activity. The invitations asked parents to drop off / collect from our house and to provide a car seat. The children are in Yr 3 (7-8 years) and none of them are over 135cm. 2 of the 6 invitees arrived without a car seat 'because they don't use them anymore'.
I refused to take them . Unfortunately we don't have spares and neither did any of the other guests' parents. Legally the driver (me / DH) is responsible for ensuring that children have a suitable seat and I wasn't prepared to flout the law (not least because I drive as part of my job so can't risk any offences). Parents were put out, kids (mine and theirs) were upset and I felt awful. But WIBU?

Can you fit 6 car seat in your car?

I would have anticipated this happening and borrowed some spare seats before the party

No, You were doing what you felt was right and safe. Not unreasonable at all. As you say, you were responsible for their safety.

Yes I would have anticipated and made it clear I was only offering lifts if they had car seats with them when offering the lift. Parents could easily have thought you had them (though I appreciate that's not what was said here).

So I think yabu a bit for that.

Yanbu for not taking them without seats though.

The parents should have taken them directly to the activity. YANBU.

You were right not to take them but it would have made sense to anticipate this and have a plan b (bus,taxi, other parents bringing spares) as there is always someone chancing something!

Well done you, they may decide not to prioritise their own child's welfare and flout the law - but you decide as the driver what your own boundaries are. I'm amazed at how common an attitude this is.

Yanbu. You told parents to drop child and seat off. If the parent told you prior to drop off that they no longer use a seat you would have been able to advise/plan earlier.

Those parents put you in a difficult situation and upset their own and your children.

I wouldn't expect the parent who was taking my child somewhere to provide or have spare seats, nor other people to have spare car seats. That is my responsibility as a caring parent and driver.

I do have at least one spare booster in my car as dd1 no longer needs it. It's kept for emergencies and I would have been able to help out if my child had been attending. But it is a bit rich to expect other parents to make up for the lack of thought of another.

YANBU. In a previous job I came across this behaviour so often, I just couldn't believe how many parents are willing to risk their children's safety

YANBU
I'm a nursery worker. I've lost count of the parents who over the years have said 'He won't wear a seatbelt, I've given up.'

Yanbu, but what did the children do once you told them they couldn't come? I'm surprised their parents didn't just drive them to the venue?

@arethereanyleftatall, they had probably made plans for while the child was at the venue that didn't entail a detour to drop off and later collect said child.

Yanbu I even provide one to my parents.

Sorry against the grain- YABU (from Gov.uk website):

In most cases, children under 3 must always be in a child car seat.

The rules are different if:

the child is in a taxi or minicab
the child is in a minibus, coach or van
the child is on an unexpected journey, for example an emergency
there’s no room for another car seat

But none of those examples applied to the ops situation.

Yanbu especially because your invitations stipulated car seat was required. It’s not an emergency or an unexpected journey and there was physically enough space so all of those children needed to be in child seats.

I would have done the same and suggested that the parent drive their own kid if they wanted to participate.

Alternatively, take your child, go borrow a car seat and come back late.

I would not drive a child without a child seat if they were legally required to do so. Even an drastic emergency stop could entail injuries. Not something I would be willing to risk. Even “just” a booster.

I would be responsible if anything happened. Kids die to to not having properly fitting seatbelts. It’s why boosters exist. I will not and have not done it.

@Confusedbeetle No. We had more than 1 car.

Marcipex "He wont wear a seatbelt, I've given up!"

Thats horrendous! My child isnt at an age where this is an issue, but I can't imagine ever giving in to this. Its like saying "he just loves playing with knives, its easier just to let him". "He wont stop sticking his fingers in the plug socket, but what can you do 🤷‍♀️" idiots.

OP you asked parents to provide a car seat and they failed to do so. You are right that you would be legally responsible (and also feel awful if something were to happen to them while you're driving). You are definitely not unreasonable. Did they still come to the party?

Yanbu. You said you'd provide the lift if a car seat was supplied. No car seat, no lift - it's very simple. They can do what they like with their child in their own car, but they can't apply their rules to your property.

@arethereanyleftatall One parent took their child directly there. The other went home as parents had plans with their other DCs' activities and couldn't spare the time

onlyfools

Which one of the quoted rules applies here?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Yes but none of those applied. It wasn't an emergency, we weren't travelling in a taxi and there was space for the car seats.