To refuse to take these children without a car seat

[concernedforthefuture]

DC had a birthday party at the weekend which involved an out of town activity. The invitations asked parents to drop off / collect from our house and to provide a car seat. The children are in Yr 3 (7-8 years) and none of them are over 135cm. 2 of the 6 invitees arrived without a car seat 'because they don't use them anymore'.
I refused to take them . Unfortunately we don't have spares and neither did any of the other guests' parents. Legally the driver (me / DH) is responsible for ensuring that children have a suitable seat and I wasn't prepared to flout the law (not least because I drive as part of my job so can't risk any offences). Parents were put out, kids (mine and theirs) were upset and I felt awful. But WIBU?

@Marcipex That is shocking! I'm sorry but if my child ever decides to be a pain and refuse to wear their seat belt I will be whipping out YouTube to show them the horrific videos of people being thrown out of cars during crashes when they haven't been wearing seat belts. Don't believe in being soft about it, my kid will be scared straight.

Ywnbu you requested that parents provide a car seat and they didn’t. Their problem, not yours.

A few years ago dd2 had a party and I offered to take the children by train (there were a few adult helpers). I was very clear in what train we were getting and requested that everyone get there earlier. One dad was late and called me once we’d left. He was more out out that we’d gone without his son. His fault his child missed out, not mine.

YANBU.
My children are grown. 25 & 19.
Legislation was not as tight.
My youngest was small. He's strapping 6 footer now.
He used a booster until primary 6 as the seat belt in the car we had, did not sit on the correct position on his shoulder unless he used the seat.
We changed cars & the belts could adjust so more seat.
He hated it but we we had an accident , not high speed, a shunt from behind.
All he suffered was a graze on his ear where the seat belt rubbed.
I Still carry a booster seat in my boot. It as been borrowed on numerous occasions.
I will not travel unless I have the correct seat. No seat no journey.

Yanbu. I wouldn't give a child clearly under height a lift without a seat no matter what the parent said.

I had a boy in my car who put the top part of his seat belt behind his back so he was effectively just wearing a lap belt. I told him to put it round the front and he said daddy always tells him he can wear it that way because it's more comfortable. I said 'well no in my car, it's not safe'. His mum backed me up and said he was talking nonsense but I strongly suspect she was trying to save face and was embarrassed that her husband lets the kids do this.

I had similar for 8yo party and all the kids were moaning saying they wouldn't sit in them. I had borrowed extra though. I said no seat, no party!

I think you are right here. But I would have planned. Also I think you are going to get some repercussions to a point, as you're effectively telling the parents they're doing it wrong by not using one (which is correct but won't stop a good whinge).

Yanbu.
From year 1 onwards we would see some parents driving their 5-6 year old home sat in the front passenger seat without a child seat. People at work with well paid jobs moan about the cost of childseats, then substitute with basic booster seats at far too young an age, so selfish.

Yanbu. You asked for car seats to be brought and they didn’t comply or give you advance warning.

Nothing wrong with offering a lift and expecting them to have seats - it is a legal requirement after all. No need at all for further clarification. In my son’s friendship circle, we tended to meet at the venue if local and while they were small but once the kids got to about 8 and venues further away (or activity would be followed by trip to McDs) so then lifts would be offered or car sharing arranged. I.e, one drops off and one picks up so not everyone has to hang about. Even then (and for lift shares for beavers/cubs) we always managed to provide, swap, drop of to each other, the various car seats. Parents would drop them off on returning for the parent doing the pick up, or they would collect on their way. It’s just accepted as what you do.

I amazed at these parents attitudes. You did nothing wrong.

I think this would have been avoided if @concernedforthefuture had said “we will only be giving lifts to children who come with car seats” and I think if word hasn’t already got around you should say this in future.

Because regardless of the views expressed in this thread I think a lot of parents would consider it their decision not yours if their children require one. And although it’s the law, not everyone is so forceful about enforcing it.

I come from a time before car seats and although I get where you’re coming from (yes, it’s the law) you are going to come across as rude and judgemental about the parenting of those who didn’t supply car seats.

Having recently been in a car crash where I was the only one injured as my kids were in good solid car seats I would have done the exact same thing and for those saying a quick journey unlikely to cause a a crash I was driving between dd2s preschool and dd1s school at 3 o'clock it was still light it was a country road but not a narrow one on a road with very little traffic. Old woman miss judged a bend and came into my lane there was nothing I could do to stop it I haven't stopped thanking God that I'd just gotten my DS (1) a new good quality car seat. It doesn't matter if the odds are 1 in 10 or 1 in a million someone has to be the 1 and they aren't going to care that 599,999 people were fine if their baby is injured or killed

@RhiWrites but it's the DRIVER who is legally responsible for ensuring that their passengers are strapped in / use car seats as required. Not the children's parents / guardians. So if the kids would be riding in my car, it would absolutely be my business.

@Onescaredmuma - yikes. Hope your injuries weren't too bad. You're right about risk - someone has to be the unlucky one and it doesn't matter how short the journey is or how close to home you are, the risk is still there. In the same way, I've never understood why people would buy a top of the range car seat for the 'main' family car but buy a cheaper, poor-quality car seat for the other car 'because it's only used occasionally'. What if you were in that car when you had the accident ?

Where did I say it wasn’t your businesss? I agreed it’s the law as well.

What I’m saying is that you should have made it clear that you would be adopting a “no seat no ride” policy because clearly other parents expected you to accept their judgment.

If you want to avoid problems in future try to focus less on how right you are and more on how to be clear about what exactly you are offering.