To ask for help with DDs weight :(

[feelinglikeashitmum]

Have posted in AIBU for traffic
Have just received a letter from the NHS regarding my DDs weight. She's chubby but they say she is 'very overweight'
How do I broach this with her without upsetting her? I've been trying to curb her constant appetite and laziness but she's been rather difficult. I feel like the worst mum in the world right now and am crying at the thought of her being bullied for her weight at high school like I was. She's ALWAYS hungry and when I mention exercise she says 'you think I'm fat don't you mummy'
Has anyone got any tips? I'm determined to get her to a healthy weight before she starts high school next September - preferably a lot sooner. She's 10. Thanks in advance x

nomorearsingmermaids

Same thing happened to me! As I put on weight, snacks disappeared from the house. This didn't help me lose weight...it just meant I binged when I could!

I had a similar letter for my son at age 5. We chose to focus on his intake of sugary treats as this was an obvious issue and the easiest way to lessen overall calorie intake. I just changed portion sizes so he had no more than 100 calories, maximum twice a day for sweet things. He can also have about 150ml of orange juice a day. This worked - he didn't drop weight but stayed the same while he grew taller, and after a few months he was in the normal category.

I found it amazing how many calories were in sweet things marketed for kids.

I didn't mention the letter or the calories to him specifically but did talk about how we have to make sure our food is in the right portion size.

Practise saying "if you are hungry, have an apple!" something I heard throughout my childhood. There was always unlimited fruit but other than that we ate only at mealtimes. Meals were home cooked, good, plentiful, lots of veg and regularly came with home made dessert. We were only allowed "pop" and "sweets" on special occasions.

I had never had a ready meal until I went to University! I am a bit less strict with my daughter (sign of the times) but I am confident that that approach would eventually help her weight stabalise.

Fun exercise and gradually smaller portions - if you believe she is overeating. It's really hard but good habits now so important

whatwill

I think we were so happy that she was a 'good eater' as a toddler (I mean she would inhale a whole plate of pasta and sauce when 6 months old - and adored eating vegetables and fruit, particularly broccoli ffs! ) that we may have sent her some unconscious 'praise for eating' vibes...we are now trying to cancel those out with 'praise for stopping when full' vibes....

I'm not a professional, and I would never advise to go into a large deficit, but a very small one can make all the difference

A professional told us not to count calories in children as you could go into massive deficit very easily, depending on growth phase.

As i said earlier, 1500 calories might be no deficit one day, then the next a growth spurt kicks in and they’re 1000 calories a day deficit.

Better to offer healthy food, and let them eat to appetite. Helps them to learn to stop eating when full too.

I think we were so happy that she was a 'good eater' as a toddler (I mean she would inhale a whole plate of pasta and sauce when 6 months old - and adored eating vegetables and fruit, particularly broccoli ffs! ) that we may have sent her some unconscious 'praise for eating' vibes...we are now trying to cancel those out with 'praise for stopping when full' vibes

I think this is very common. My brother has a “good eater” which they are very proud of. It’s almost a badge of pride how much the child can eat.

The amount of cajoling and praise I still hear for children finishing up their plates too. My neice is very overweight, yet grandparent on their other side still say almost without thinking what a good girl she is for eating all her dinner, and does she want ice cream..

My nephew went through a phase recently where he ate less and there was a lot of “ two more spoonfuls then you can leave the table”.

We are still teaching kids to override their natural satiety.

really

absolutely agree with you. I hear so many people telling their kids to ignore their own internal messages in one direction or the other - it always makes me cringe.

We have always ALWAYS operated on listen to your body when eating. Never done, praise for finishing etc. I just wonder if we transmitted our relief/happiness unconsciously.

I lost all messages from my stomach a long long time ago. The only time I can remember feeling them at all was while I was pregnant. I would be half way through a mouthful and suddenly wonder how I was going to swallow it given I was now 'full' and couldn't contemplate eating another bite. It was really really weird to have that sense for 8 months...then tragically lose it again.

We are determined for our daughter to keep it as long as humanly possible!

Micah letting a child eat till full even if it's healthy will still cause weight gain.
Although I do understand what you're saying re the growth spurts.
When I say a deficit, I do not mean 1000-1500 calories, I know that you're saying a growth spurt can trigger this, but having a deficit of only 100-200 calories is more realistic, and yes swapping junk food for healthy meals is good too.

Exercise only does so much, 80% of it is diet.