To ask for help with DDs weight :(

[feelinglikeashitmum]

Have posted in AIBU for traffic
Have just received a letter from the NHS regarding my DDs weight. She's chubby but they say she is 'very overweight'
How do I broach this with her without upsetting her? I've been trying to curb her constant appetite and laziness but she's been rather difficult. I feel like the worst mum in the world right now and am crying at the thought of her being bullied for her weight at high school like I was. She's ALWAYS hungry and when I mention exercise she says 'you think I'm fat don't you mummy'
Has anyone got any tips? I'm determined to get her to a healthy weight before she starts high school next September - preferably a lot sooner. She's 10. Thanks in advance x

Thanks for all your replies I will try to answer the questions. I'm not overweight - but I exercise an awful lot and don't eat much (not by choice I've had a lot of stress the past few years and my appetite is shot to shit)
She does eat a lot, she's ALWAYS complaining that she's hungry and when I try to suggest healthier options she stomps off. I know I'm going to have to bite the bullet bin all the junk food and just get tougher with it. She's always had a massive appetite and does like a variety of foods. I'll have to take it up with her dad too, and make sure he stops giving her junk food and takeaways 😕

Although being more active obviously a good idea!

I think what knitted said. You don't really have to say anything as such, just start giving healthy meals and snacks and cut out the sugar-chocolate, squash, crisps ect. And go swimming together if possible? Or send her to a swimming club.Good luck Op, get going on it today, get rid of all the crap out of the house, you can do this. Don't expect drastic changes quickly but if you change her diet to a healthy one it will pay off. It will be easier to make changes now rather then when she is a teenager.

Most of the weight loss comes through eating less, true, but it does also tend to make you very focused on food. Having stuff other than food to look forward too is useful in itself.

Or is that just me? Even typing this is making me peckish.

I have a slim dd who hates exercise and loves sweet stuff. I think the reason she's slim is that she doesn't actually eat that much. Previous posters are right about portion size - too much food = too much weight, even if she were eating nutritious stuff and doing exercise. They say you can't outrun a bad diet. Sport is great, but for general health and fitness, not for weight loss unless you're doing a hell of a lot of it. I'd surreptitiously and gradually reduce portion size of carbs etc while adding more salad/veg.

How tall is she?
How much does she weigh?
What activities/exercise does she do?

Children should not diet or lose weight. Being more careful about junk food for all the family and exercise (do it with her) should result in them growing into their weight. She might be going to have a growth spurt, she shouldn't be hungry but encourage healthy eating and snacks.

Let her stomp. I don’t think giving anything as a result of a stomp is really wise! Is she is hungry she will eat what is on offer

But I'm always worried she really is hungry

I've felt like this, but rational me knows that after a dinner with protein 20 mins before, she can't be. And frankly if you were financially unable to provide more food - tough.

I would talk about exercise in terms of mental health. I do think if children did more exercise it would help with many of the anxieties they're facing these days.

And I think the 'eating the right amount for your age' is really good advice.

At 10, as long as you curb any calorie surplus she will probably grow into the weight, so I'd focus on establishing good habits from now rather than a diet as such.

Possibly be honest but 'breezy' - 'DD this letter has made me realised I have let you have slightly too much food for your age and we need to be a bit healthier. Don't worry about it though, we'll sort it.' Don't make it a big deal.

How are you as a family - could you all benefit from a 'health kick'? Why do you think she's put weight on?

Rather than binning all the junk abruptly, just 'run out' over a couple of weeks?

DD (the ungrateful hussy) now says 'Why didn't you just tell me I was fat and take the food away?' (Because we were trying to be more subtle than that and not give you an eating complex, chuck -- but maybe that brutal approach would work better for some children!)

Some good things are taking her swimming, walking and to Brownies. Don't let her be lazy. Your the parent. Well done on getting rid of the crap. My sons at Grammar school and one girl in Year 7 has a size 48 top. My husband quite muscular and he's 44! I feel quite sorry for her. I would feel I'd let my daughter down if she was 48 inches.

Can anybody link to what portion sizes an 8 year old should eat please?

Children need calcium and low fat is now discredited, so it's mostly about limiting sugars and real junk like crisps. Slimming world and weight watchers are appalling especially for children, they just encourage obsession.

The focus shouldn't be on loosing weight, it should be on maintaining it and growing into it. So getting her into good habits with food in a gentle way is important. Don't start big, it'll just make you all miserable, make slow careful changes and aim for the family to be healthier not her to be healthier. Having that mindset will help protect her self esteem.

How often is she eating junk food?

I'd recommend the Blood Sugar Diet book for learning about satiety.

Mrscog I think it's sad their arent many places for children to exercise these days.

My daughter put on a lot of weight around this age too, despite a healthy diet and plenty of exercise. Just as I started to get worried (I didn't tell her I was concerned) she shot up in height and has been a healthy weight ever since. Please don't introduce the idea of 'diets' - these are generally just metabolism-wrecking money making schemes. Kids can only eat what's in the house so just provide healthy options and opportunities for an active lifestyle. It really can be that simple.

It's tricky at that age because of puberty. My DD was skinny until about 9 or 10, then she ballooned, but as soon as her periods started the weight literally fell off. The blazer I bought her for the first year of high school would have been hanging off her in her final year! So I wouldn't be making drastic changes. No harm in phasing out junk and increasing exercise but I agree with a pp that said children shouldn't be dieting. It will set unhealthy patterns for the future.

Dd3 and I would quite happily walk from school at tea time (haven't got time in the mornings) but then Dd2 (who is perfect proportions) moans because she hates walking (she does have painful heels) Hopefully from September we can walk as Dd2 will be going into secondary.
It's also strange that dd3 loves riding her bike, swimming etc whereas the other 2 hate anything remotely energetic.
I work in quite a physical job and also walk 2 miles with the dog on a morning so I'm really tired by the time they're in from school and CBA to go out again with DD3, I guess I'll have to work on this.

meat/ protein should be roughly the size of their hands

Missingstreetlife I think that's an unfair sweeping generalisation SW and WW help people to control their weight. Children aren't becoming obsessed. I've seen young girls lose weight and gain confidence.

Bin the junk.

Offering a variety of textures and tastes encourages people to eat more so outside of mealtimes offer 1 type of snack when she's hungry (carrot sticks or plain almonds) or just say "no, wait til tea".

Dont talk about her weight but do talk about healthy eating abd make chsnges as a family.

Same with exercise, if you do a lot then take her with you. Can you build more exercise into her daily routine (like walking to/from school)?

I never talk to my boys about weight but we do discuss health, exercise and well- being as a normal part of family dialogue - why I dont want them on screens for hours, how often is McDonalds acceptable, why weekly take aways are not a good idea. We walk or go to the gym as a family. Im obese with control issues around food and I don't want them following in my footsteps.

Can anybody link to what portion sizes an 8 year old should eat please?

There are no guidelines. My dd sees a nutritionist regularly. The basic advice is to cook as much as possible from scratch, with occasional treats. They also say that in children calorie regulation or restriction isn’t a good idea, because it is impossible to know (without a series of invasive tests) what phase of growth a child is in. So while 1500 calories may be too many one day, the next day they start a growth spurt and 2500 is too little. Also low fat/low carb/high protein is also not good, as again in children it’s impossible to know what their body needs, and you can affect growth.

So we are told to allow to eat to appetite. At least 80% as whole food as possible, and the usual carb/protein/fat ratio. As much fruit and veg as possible, and occasional treats are fine, as long as they are doing the physical activity to compensate.

The portion control issue with children hit home when I witnessed a six year old eat more throughout the day whilst sitting down on a ipad then my very fit 60 year old dad who is 6'3 and had just cut down a tree and had been splitting logs all afternoon! I was astounded. Parents did not bat an eye lid. And yes said 6 year old is overweight.

Is your hubby a bit of a feeder? would she happily help you walk the dog? Does she like swimming? Is she in any clubs for young people? I appreciate you're busy and your time is short. Have you room at home for a stepper for her?