To want my child known by a different surname

[O819bridetob]

My son has his father's surname. For nursery however I've put him under my surname but now the nursery are saying they can't do this, that he has to be under the surname that's on his birth certificate
Is this true? Am I just complicating things

My son is known at school by his step-fathers name, not his Dads. You can change your name by usage. It just won't appear on GCSE certificates etc unless we do the deed poll when he is 16.

You can't do this. I changed my sons name by deed poll, was 50 pound. And if I can ever get pregnant again ill have my children in my own name then too. I shall keep my name when I marry too.

Because if you change it legally you have a ‘ ‘changed from’ date which still didn’t match up with my records. So Sissons from 2000 but personal info as Sissons from 1990s with the ID as Brown in 1990. As I said it’s really a tangle. My changed from date doesn’t match the records that are much earlier.
(Names changed for obvs reasons)

Pickled, I already said that my son wasn't registered in the registry office, so there was nobody to double check the name. I was in hospital still, under pressure and felt it was normal/had no choice

When XH left me, DD2 said she didn't want to use his name. I went into school and told them that she was using another surname. They changed it for her on all school stuff. She continued to use that name until she was 16, when she paid £15 for a new birth certificate with the new surname on it. She didn't have to get a new birth certificate, but she felt it would make life easier. We are in Scotland.

DB took my DF's surname when my parents married. He never changed his birth certificate and has always hypocritically used DF's surname and he got passports issued etc. with no problems.

I changed back to my maiden name last year and didn't have to do a deed poll. In Scotland, you can call yourself anything you like as long as it is not for the intent to defraud, so if you are in Scotland, just tell everyone that your DC is known as your surname from now on and that's the end of it! If you absolutely must, then get a new birth certificate when your DC turns 16.

I changed my son's name by Deed Poll. It cost £30 and I managed to get permission from his child-abandoning sperm donor by signing a letter to say if he gave the permission I wouldn't chase him for child support.

Worth it.

Also, he had my ex-husband's name because it was also my name.

It seems to be a common misconception these days that it’s traditional for children to take their Father’s surname.

It isn’t. It’s tradition for them to take their Mother’s, but it was also traditional for the parents to be married prior to birth of the child so the Mother’s surname was the same as the Father’s by default.

@WhyDontYouComeOnOver

Good for you. Doesn't help OP at all.

RTFT. In Scotland, we don't use deed poll. She also has no contact with abusive ex so cannot get permission even with extortion.

“and will you be changing your child's name if you ever meet someone else and marry them?”

No, why should she? Because why should she change her name to a husband’s? He could change his, or they could all double barrel, or just double barrel any future kids.

THERE IS NO NEED TO ASSUME THAT MARRIAGE AUTATICALLY MEANS A NSNE CHANGE FIR A WOMAN!

Sorry, but it drives me whacky. Yes, fine, choose, do what you yourself prefer, but the almost constant assumption on MN that a woman will automatically change her name just swallows a patriarchal tradition uncritically.

You can change it via deed poll.

For what it's worth, my mum changed my surname on her 2nd marriage 34yrs ago with school and doctors and that's what followed me, same name my NI number etc was registered on.....not sure how but it did.

@combatbarbie

Really? RTFT

@Avrannakern

I read the thread, thanks. I'm not sure I said anywhere that I was advising the OP to do the same. It's a thread about children's names, others were sharing experiences, which is what I did. No need to be a knob.

Erm why..... I am Scottish, my name was changed at 4yrs old like I said. I also had to do deed poll so that I could marry in Scotland as my birth name and known surname were not the same.....

I also actually changed my daughter's who was born in Scotland to my married name now, I just had to satisfy the court I had tried to contact father for permission......

Actually, the birth certificate trumps all thing is not quite right.

Schools tend to say that that is the legal requirement, and that registers have to have the BC surname and one full given name. You can see why they try to insist on it.

But that is actually not the law; a useful publication called " The Head's Legal Guide" offers constantly updated info. I helped a family I knew to change the school -registered name of a son , when the boy and the mother realised that they had made a very very bad decision 11 years previously. I'm tempted, but.... no. :-)

Perhaps if evidence of the child's name being as you wish it to me with GP, etc etc is presented, it can be sorted without animosity?.

I agree this seems unfair and must be so frustrating for you.

If he has been genuinely absent for years I think you can obtain a court order which would override his parental responsibility.

See the paragraph on parental responsibility, there is another link to court order:

http://www.ukdp.co.uk/parental-responsibility-scotland/

I know you said you don't want to go down this route so it depends how strongly you feel about it.

Good luck