To want my child known by a different surname

[O819bridetob]

My son has his father's surname. For nursery however I've put him under my surname but now the nursery are saying they can't do this, that he has to be under the surname that's on his birth certificate
Is this true? Am I just complicating things

Sorry I haven't read all of the messages but why are you dismissing deed poll as an option and talking about going to court, getting permission etc?

Because somebody just said we don't have deed poll here

Okay good luck then

If you are not married there is no such thing as father not allowing.

You simply arrange to register your child and go to the appointment on your own. It is no longer done in most hospitals.

If the father them wants to be put on the birth certificate he will have to apply to court but he will have difficulty changing any of the child's names without your permission.

And my DC has both our lastnames while I know married couples where the children have just the mother's. This is due to the mother's lastname being rarer than the father's. The idiots who say it's done to just have the father's are talking out of their behind.

Unfortunately you are caught up in the tightening of rules brought in because it became much more common to change a child's surname. It used tobe a rare thing so easy enough to do.

It was becoming too risky for a child to slip between the cracks with a name change so now it's much tighter.

OP, please ignore any references to Deed Poll. It is English procedure, not used in Scotland

Scotland don't use deed poll. OP didn't mention she was in Scotland until after a load of people had said it. But now we know. So it's not an option.

I work in a school and quite a number of children have a 'known as' name on SIMS (our software for attendance/student info etc.)
Their legal name is also recorded on their SIMS profile for our/local authority use but does not appear in class or on schools books etc.

Tbf I said on page one I can't do a deed poll.

I don't get even why anyone would change their OWN name on marriage.
It's like saying that the woman belongs to the man or something....oh wait....

I also do not understand the need to change a child’s name? Why does it matter if they have their Father’s Surname?

I am sure the upshot of this in Scotland is that you need to go to court, it doesn't mean you won't succeed however you will have to prove he is not in your lives at all, do you know where he lives? how old is child but I think as just starting nursery about 3, this may not be long enough apart for courts has he made any attempt to contact you etc?
if you don't want to go to court then unfortunately your child will have to remain with his given name officially until they are 16

Because mrsjonsno, quite frankly saying my child's full name leaves me shaking, it brings back horrid memories of what my ex and their scummy family done to me. Because having his surname means I can't take my child on holiday without his permission, to go on holiday I need an order from the court which he could also turn up and not agree to it. (Tried to go on holiday recently and was stopped)
Because frankly looking after my child 365 days a year, who I do and buy everything for why should he have his father's name?
the man used to leave our child in the house alone and go to the pub. He wouldn't return for hours, he neglected him on more than one occasion. He has never put his hand in his pocket to pay for him in 5 yrs. Never brought anything while I was pregnant. And on the day he left, he put his 8 week old son in the car seat, dirty wet and had sick all down him. Drove 40 minutes away and text me to say 'our son is on this road. Goodbye' and fucking left him by the side of the road. He doesn't deserve to share his surname with a child so precious

No my son is older than 3, will infact be attending school next year but the nursery have only just picked up on the different surnames

@BobbyBanana
Some of us were happy to take our husband’s surnames. I like being a Mrs. Nothing to do with ownership, just partnership. We’re all different.

"that he has to be under the surname that's on his birth certificate "

I can't see why this would be a shock to anyone tbh.

That said, I do think that in certain cases it should be a lot easier to change a child's surname.

@bobbybanana it's a bloody good question, that. I ultimately did it for ease.

Oooh, there's a point, OP. A horrible point, as you hate the name, quite rightly, but for ease of going on holiday etc. if you can't change your son's name to yours, you could change yours to your son's, just for official purposes. I understand that that idea may be abhorrent to you, but it is another option.

Personally, I'd go for the court order.

8misskitty8
How old are those children now?
Do the school address them by their official name on their birth certificate, for official documents?

seriously you need to get a court order and start collecting paperwork you can get a court order to take him on holiday if father objects as he has to show his objection is reasonable; just objecting because he just wants to be a pain doesn't really wash with the courts. I think you should bite the bullet and get it all done at court try and remove parental responsibility you need a solicitor

I also do not understand the need to change a child’s name? Why does it matter if they have their Father’s Surname?

Let me see... Because he is absent!

As an adult who was known by one name at school and another on documentation can I please just highlight what a total pain in the arse it has been trying to unravel everything. Even in my 30's crap still crops up from time to time.
Please if you want your child's name changed, do it legally first. You might think its not a big deal- but its surprising all of the grief that pops up- even things like teachers getting reference requests and not knowing my by my legal name - or not having ID that matched up to the name my doctor knew - such a pest

Why were you stopped from taking them on holiday? I've never been stopped despite having different surnames. I take their birth certificates which show I'm their mother and I take letters from both my solicitor and his former solicitor explaining. I know there is an official permission form your ex can fill out, but I've never been able to take on and havnt had a problem.

Just go prepared with documents showing you are the mother. There are a couple countries which you may not be able to go to due to child trafficking regulations etc but you should be fine with most.

@SarahSissions

Why didn't you change it legally as soon as you were old enough?

My kids have my name for everything expect bank and passport. Education and medical and everything else uses my name. They can legally change it when they can sign the form. That will happen before there us any need for references or anything. When that happens, they will officially have my name and it will only be a matter of changing it with the bank and on their passports.

You said you didn’t call the police when he beat you and left you for dead, but surely you would have been taken to hospital and there would be a record of that assault?

And when he abandoned his baby son by the side of the road, the police surely would have been involved then (assuming he was found by a member of the public)?

All this must be good evidence that his man should not share your son’s surname/prevent you from going on holiday, etc.

The system isn’t at fault, women who give their children their partner’s names are!! I recently registered my DS and the Registrat was quite clear that it was MY choice as to whether even to allow my partner to be registered as the father. It was entirely up to me and I, of course, gave my DS my surname. I don’t understand why anyone would do it differently unless they were about to get married and change their own surname anyway.