To want my child known by a different surname

[O819bridetob]

My son has his father's surname. For nursery however I've put him under my surname but now the nursery are saying they can't do this, that he has to be under the surname that's on his birth certificate
Is this true? Am I just complicating things

Festive Nut

That is pleasing to see.

Take a look at FestiveNut's post. If you genuinely have been unable to contact him and he doesn't not financially contribute, then there is provision. I'm guessing you might need a solicitor to send him some letters though as proof.

Ultimately you can do it via a court order but that can be difficult to obtain for young children.

What if you have another child with your partner and want to double barell newborn's surname but partner won't allow it?

Child 1 has father's surname and child 2 has double barrlled. Is that how it would be? Or would mother be forced to give child 2 father's surname to match child 1?

He was abusive but I have no proof, I haven't reported anything to the police.
And no he doesn't pay any maintenance, I tried going through cma but I got nowhere.
I don't want court as others have said it'd potentionally bring him back into our lives.

What a horribly fucked up system

It’s only been a problem for perhaps the last thirty years. It worked perfectly well before that as most parents were married. People think it’s old-fashioned, but women should be encouraged to marry before having children. They need fathers for their children who will commit to the mother and family. Always exceptions of course, there are some lousy men out there. But in general marriage affords women and children more protection.

At the point of registration of the birth, as an unmarried woman you can choose whatever you want - it was far harder to get my then dp (now dh) on the birth certificate because he was on the wrong continent, it took a friendly consulate officer to sort it. Don't blame the rules because you since have fallen out with the father. I was asked twice if I was sure about dd having her dads on the certificate, they don't force you!

How, HOW in this day and age do we need permission to change their name so unfair.

No, it’s not unfair OP, it just doesn’t work in your favour right now.

Neither parent should be able to change a child’s name without the others permission. How would you like it if the father took your son for a day (with permission or not) and was allowed to change his name to whatever he wanted without your permission? You’d be up in arms then. The law is there for a reason and it makes sense.

@O819bridetob

I understand that this is stressful for you, but it seems like you're ignoring all the advice given to you. You've decided it's impossible and want to be annoyed, but maybe listen to what you're being told.

I'm in Scotland so we don't use deed poll, but from having a quick look after what s one posters have said, it is possible for you to change it.

Or you can contact your MP. Or get legal advice and go to court.

You have options. Use them.

I'm not sure the name change people are correct. My step daughter changed her son's surname without permission (as her ex would not have given it). She signed something to say that he was no longer involved and possibly that he had been abusive, I can't remember exactly. Sorry I can't remember what the process was but he definitely has his name changed and uses it for school etc. It may have been a deed poll name change.

I AM listening, it wasn't the deed poll I contacted, it was a name change place in Edinburgh.
We didn't do the registering of birth at the registry office, it was granted special permission for him to do it as I was in hospital so nobody ever asked me. I just had to sign a bit of paper

I do understand you can't change it willy nilly but 5 years, with no contact. I should be allowed to change it on my own

On page 7 of the form you can state that you cannot contact your ex.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/695734/loc019-minor-eng.pdf

You will still have the original birth cert but when you submit for passport etc you simply submit the deed poll doc with it and they should use the new surname.

You have been given the options. It is possible to change it. If you don’t want to use them and would prefer instead to just complain about the situation, then go ahead. No amount of complaining will change it, operating within the legal framework specifically put in place to address this situation will.

op - see post above you can change via deed poll. Download and complete the forms and submit.

What s rubbish system. I gave our dds my name and the amount of spiteful comments from people outside of the family was incredible, I have no idea what his family thought about it but they certainly didn't say anything negative to us, once married we added his surname by deed poll.

So, are you in Scotland then, OP? And do you have a birth certificate for your son?

Olivia that's for england

Yes I'm in scotland, yes I have his birth certificate

I filled in a form for a court application which gave permission to change sons surname when I divorced. I then got a deed poll and changed everything to new surname.

Ah, fair enough then. Looks like it's only doable by court order for you. . I didn't realise Scotland was different in this regard. Although apparently it's generally very easy to get the court order in your situation.

'Absent fathers holding parental responsibility

Changing the name of a child without first gaining the consent of a father who holds parental responsibility can only be done through a court order. If the father has been absent for several years a mother does not usually have any difficulty obtaining a court order giving permission to change her child's name.

Once a court order has been granted it can be used, along with a Deed Poll document, to update a child's records to show their new name.'

Read more: www.ukdp.co.uk/parental-responsibility-scotland/#absent-fathers-with#ixzz5ZHTvk8IY

It does still sound doable, but I admit the English system looks simpler.

Thank you, I wonder if anybody in Scotland has gone through court and can tell me what it's like? I really don't want him back in our lives, or given the opportunity to say no

This was a few years ago, but my solicitor told me that my only option was to have his parental rights removed, and that’s difficult.

I didn’t look into it any further because nursery and primary, all clubs, all medical things, everything agreed to let me use my name. I didn’t need an official change and didn’t want to deal with courts.

I wonder if it's worth posting that question as an new thread, OP? I bet someone on here has.

They have a similar form for Scotland and it says you usually (note - not always) need both parents I would suggest if one is absent then it would work the same as it does in England. Have you called the Scotland deed poll office to ask?

www.nrscotland.gov.uk/registration/recording-change-of-forename-and-surname-in-scotland

That's the people I already contacted Olivia, they said I need permission