Friends without babies

[scarfhatglove]

My friends are busy and I'm busy - we have dt nearly 1 year and I work part time. It's too much. I'm leaving work until they are older but that's another story.

Anyway, my friends can just go for a night out last minute . Which I used to be able to do but now I can't. I've had to cancel recently because I asked if anyone had booked a restaurant etc. Nobody replied for days. These days out are a big thing for me now and I need to make sure I want to and can afford the restaurant , get my hair done etc. There wasn't enough time, I explained this in a nice way. No reply.

I asked how everything was their end. How work was , how other things were going for them and they did not reply. I also asked if they could go out on a different date instead and they just went "maybe". I asked if they had gone on the day out (other friends could attend even though I cancelled) and all I got back was , "no. 🙈"

Anyway last week they had gone out together and not asked me. I feel like I'm high maintence but I've got dts! And I try my best with them. I've really had enough.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them to give me warning etc. Am I being a diva?

To be honest I think it kills them that I have everything they want.

I dunno. A life where a simple night out has to be planned like a military campaign sounds like hell to me.

And to be perfectly frank, bagging a man and having a few sprogs is hardly an achievement. All manner of mediocre people manage it quite well.

And btw you complain that your friends don't ask about your twins, but do you take an interest in their lives too? Apart from thinking that they're jealous of your domestic bliss?

Wow you get ripped on here!

And to be perfectly frank, bagging a man and having a few sprogs is hardly an achievement. All manner of mediocre people manage it quite well

That's exceptionally rude and insensitive to many many people. You have no idea what the OP's circumstances are or what she's achieved in life. I think raising twins is an achievement and a half

This happens both sides of the coin. I have concluded parents and non parents simply can't be friends

I have come to the same conclusion .

It doesn't mean you don't care about the people anymore. It's just that the reality is that the priorities and lifestyles of parents are so very different from those of the childfree, that it makes it very difficult to spend meaningful time together.

Also OP has stated that she asks about their work and lives

That's exceptionally rude and insensitive to many many people.

If I were the type to take offence, I'd also say it's rude and insensitive to assume people are jealous of your thoroughly ordinary life.

Happily I am not the type to take offence.

stop worrying about your hair and condering if the resturant is worht going to

its meant to be a night out to relax yo9ure not going to the royal wedding

What's wrong with wanting to look nice on a night out?

Thank you. It is an achievement - it's the hardest most rewarding thing I've ever done. And I was once a PhD student.

Iced why would you be offended when she's talking about someone else though? The jealous comment wasn't aimed at you. Yet you think it's fine to tell OP having a raising twins isn't an achievement

Royal wedding 😂😂😂😂 funny

Meh, I'd just let these friendships slide OP, you don't sound like you actually enjoy their company much.

I remember someone telling me - there are 2 types of people. Those with kids and those without. So true and sad because it separates people.

It is OP and I fucking despise this attitude of "pfft loads of people do it" - so bloody what. Doesn't make it any easier. This crusade some have to tear mothers down is pitiful

Yeah they’re twats. Not a lot of people talk about it, but i’d say 98% of people lose a lot of people they thought of as good, solid friends before they had kids.

Iced why would you be offended when she's talking about someone else though?

I'm not offended in the least! This is an anonymous discussion board. It's you clutching your pearls here!

Yet you think it's fine to tell OP having a raising twins isn't an achievement

My point is that getting married and producing children is not anything remarkable - the (vast) majority of women manage it quite well. So I highly doubt her friends are jealous of her. From what she's revealed here at least, her life doesn't sound all that desirable.

My point is that getting married and producing children is not anything remarkable - the (vast) majority of women manage it quite well.

Agreed. Raising children to be caring responsible adults is an achievement but it’s hardly one that can be claimed while they are still in the pushchair.

How can you not see how rude your comment is? How do you know the OP or others posters here haven't had IVF and actually "having a few sprogs" IS an achievement they could never dream of?

It's at best illogical, at worst very dense, to say that something has no worth because lots of people do it.

Oh so parenting is only an achievement once your kids reach adulthood and their character then is the only deciding factor in if you 'achieved' parenting? Right-o

You have no idea how much joy they have bought to my life. I'm not bragging about my life to them. Quite the opposite because they never ask! Which makes me think theyre jealous (or not interested of course). But when I ask about their lives they've got an attitude or ignore me.

YABU. Not your kid free friends fault they can do things last minute and you can't.

Bagging a man lol 🙈 . He is my husband.

Having a few sprogs. Like they just arrive 😂 ordered from amazon. And they are my darling babies not sprogs.

Make a house a home. True.

OP I've been in both positions. Many of my friends had kids in their early to mid-20s, when I was footloose and fancy free. We accommodated that; we'd go to their houses for drinks, or restaurants where the kids could come along too. As a friendship group, you accept that because they're your friends and you care about them.

And I understand your comment about jealousy, to a degree: my sister had kids a long time before I was able to, and we both acknowledged that we were living vicariously through each other: I did festivals and weekends away, and she did Christmas Eve with the kids and bedtime stories. I was envious of her family life, and she was envious of my freedom.

I guess what's key is that in both those cases we all cared about each other enough to realise we were at different stages in our lives and to kind of celebrate that, IYSWIM, and not let it get in the way.

Now I'm a parent I'm in the opposite position. My friends have accommodated me. A different group of mates, much younger than me and no kids. We went for Sunday lunch, and DC had a high chair at the top of the table & everyone spoke to her, we were able as friends to have a laugh and I could share and talk about their lives.

It's probably upsetting when you've had such good friendships with them in the past but those friendships haven't transcended your life change. Don't get angry, just let them drift off but find some new mates who are more understanding of your changed circumstances. They don't have to be parents, of course, they just have to be kind.

I remember someone telling me - there are 2 types of people. Those with kids and those without. So true and sad because it separates people.

Bullshit. There are nice people are there are arseholes.

Yes, things have changed but proper friends understand tha, just as if someone had to become a carer for a disabled spouse.

It is utterly depressing to read comments like this. It’s shit enough not to be able to procreate but worse when smug parents decide you’ve got nothing in common with them anymore so it’s not worth staying friends.