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Original poster

As Mum how would you feel about request from step mum?

106 replies

OhComeOnRon · 09/12/2018 12:36

Currently due with my 2nd, my husbands 3rd. Wanted to get him a photo gift for Xmas with scan pics of the 3 of them on and was going to text stepsons wife to see if she had his to send me and didn't really think much of it until a friend said

'Isn't that a bit weird? Won't she be annoyed by it?'

And now I'm not sure. No issues in relationship we all get on, we have stepson every weekend and I just thought it'd be weirder to get him something with only 2 of his kids on?

OP posts:
iggleypiggly · 09/12/2018 13:11

Very weird. I wouldn’t want to hand my scan pictures on in any circumstances.

drquin · 09/12/2018 13:12

Lovely that you want to include DSS ..... but I can see how easily it would be seen as a bit weird.

Surely the scan photo is as much the ex-wife's medical record as it is the first (if a little indistinguishable) photo of DSS. So that's the weird bit for me. But i guess it depends how truly "blended" your family is?
Personally, I'd go for 3 baby photos once your baby arrives (although appreciate that's no use as a Christmas present).

SoyaSoy · 09/12/2018 13:12

I think this entirely depends on the person being asked. Some people might be fine with it, some may not (as demonstrated on this thread).

When I look at my scan photos, I remember the pain of seeing an anomaly, being told I may need invasive testing, and being talked to about the potential need for a termination after 27 weeks. Thankfully my DS is now 7 weeks old abc absolutely perfect, but I don't think I could live with knowing that scan photo was on someone else's shelf for everyone to look at and think 'aww, how lovely' - I personally wouldn't be happy with it.

Thurmanmurman · 09/12/2018 13:12

I agree with other posters. Wait until baby is born and have pictures of all 3. A much nicer gift anyway, as lets face it, scan pictures are really just grainy black and white blobs and I wouldn't want to risk souring your relationship over this.

DramaAlpaca · 09/12/2018 13:14

I consider scan pictures to be private. I think it's a bit weird to want to display them, and inappropriate to ask another woman for hers. Sorry.

SoyaSoy · 09/12/2018 13:16

@Bellatrix14 I think for me it's the emotion attached to that photo. I was told there was an anomaly, and had to have invasive testing, with potential need for a termination at 27 weeks or later. It was awful. Thankfully DS is 7 weeks now and all is well.

But still... when I look at my scan photo I relive all that. I couldn't be happy with knowing that picture is up in someone's house... it's not just about the physical intimacy of it being a medical procedure. It's the emotional intimacy too

Bellatrix14 · 09/12/2018 13:22

@SoyaSoy I do understand the emotional aspect of it, which is why if I was the OP I would understand if step son’s mum said no on those grounds. I meant more I didn’t understand the objection on the grounds of physical intimacy!

I’m so pleased everything turned out OK with your little boy. Enjoy your first Christmas with him! Smile

Iloveautumnleaves · 09/12/2018 13:23

It is weird. A scan is quite intimate and it’s HER they’ve scanned. I wouldn’t want MY scan on someone else’s walls. If he asked for a copy for himself, then fine, but not be displayed.

You’ll have a lifetime of opportunities to do things with all of them in it, that’s lovely, but not this. Either get something for him the child won’t see if you really want something with the scans, or with photos of the children and your scan of the unborn baby,

SoyaSoy · 09/12/2018 13:24

@Bellatrix14 I wouldn't disagree on those grounds either. For example: many are very happy to post their scan photos on social media. I've never done this but it's not wildly different!

Thank you very much Smile he's the love of my life!

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 09/12/2018 13:27

I think it’s fine to just ask her. Make it clear that you’re just offering her the choice but it’s completely fine if she’s not keen.

bridgetreilly · 09/12/2018 13:31

I think that would be very weird coming as a gift from you. I would think of a different present, OP.

Original poster
OhComeOnRon · 09/12/2018 13:31

Sorry yes his mum not wife- he's 9 haha.

My friend has started selling these and I like them that's all.

That's for all responses, suppose I was just thinking it would be weirder to get the 2 done and leave his out.

As Mum how would you feel about request from step mum?
OP posts:
ClaryFray · 09/12/2018 13:33

Two newborn pictures and one scan picture of your dc to be changed to newborn when born.

Or two newborn pictures with one that says coming soon... In pretty writing.

Scan pics are odd to keep up, espically when child is born.

ExcitedForChristmas18 · 09/12/2018 13:34

I think your idea is lovely..your heart is in the right place 😊
It would be horrible to leave one of his children out..it's really thoughtful of you to include his first born!

I would message something like 'Hi bit of a random question, but I'm thinking of getting a photo of all the first scan photos of the children. I know X would be disappointed if child 1 was not in it..it would mean everything to him, to have the three children..is it ok if we can include X's scan photo? Or would you prefer it not to include child 1? Completely fine if you don't want to! Hope your ok anyway..speak soon xx'

Who wouldn't want their child to be included?

She can always so no if she doesn't want to!

christmaschristmaschristmas · 09/12/2018 13:36

Odd. Give a picture of your kids.

Plantflavours · 09/12/2018 13:36

Why not just put photos of the other two children as newborns and then your current scan photo which can be replaced with a newborn photo once the baby is here if you'd prefer? That's less weird and they'd all be included.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 09/12/2018 13:37

I wouldn't. The scan picture is always a lovely moment between a couple so it's kind of rubbing it in, asking her for theirs. Why don't you wait till the baby is born and do a gift of the three babies and ask her for a baby picture instead? Then it's about the baby itself, not about her.

recently · 09/12/2018 13:37

I think your heart is in the right place but I still think it's weird, sorry!In any case, all scans look a bit alike so you could just fake it! Also I would presume that picture was for a child who had passed away

Iknowthatguy · 09/12/2018 13:40

Honestly op, the picture you linked that your friend has started doing? I'd assume that was a memorial for a lost baby / still born.

daisypond · 09/12/2018 13:42

I think it's a bit odd, to be honest. A scan picture is a medical thing.

ohdearmissus · 09/12/2018 13:48

Don't do it....it's a bad/wierd idea...(blame it on your hormones)!..
But if you do give your poor husband scan pics...do be prepared for him to be totally underwhelmed...You'll be back here to complain?!

TheDarkPassenger · 09/12/2018 13:48

I think a scan is different personally cos it’s her body and it was something special her and your husband did at the time together, as soon to be parents. I think you’re heart is in the right place but I would honestly opt for pictures of the children rather than a picture of her uterus 🙈

user1486915549 · 09/12/2018 13:51

I thought the picture you linked is the sort of thing people do to remember a still born child ?
I personally wouldn’t want something that on display at all.
It’s kind of .....creepy ?

plaidlife · 09/12/2018 13:51

OP, I would assume that the pictures were memorial pictures and would feel rather uncomfortable having a scan picture on public display.
I do think it is nice that you want to include all dc.

Original poster
OhComeOnRon · 09/12/2018 13:51

Ok points taken... back to the drawing board haha!
Can you tell I'm struggling with what to get the man who doesn't want anything! Sad

OP posts:
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