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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About picking DH up from pub

87 replies

Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 09/12/2018 00:50

Long story short, DH went out tonight to have a drink with his adult son. I dropped him off just after 6pm, telling him I would be back to pick him up at 9pm.
Five to nine comes and I message to say that I'm outside when he's ready. He didn't appear so I rung him, each time it went straight to voicemail so I text a couple more times.
After 45 minutes he called and said he had been expecting me to call him. He spent the journey home asking why I hadn't simply come in the pub "for a coke" and berating me for making a fuss about him seeing his children Hmm
I've been so furious I've said very little (as I didn't actually trust myself to speak) but I did tell him it was hugely disrespectful. He maintains I should have gone in and found him.
On the face of it I'm now not sure if sitting in the car getting more and more irate was pointless and I was a bit of a twat?
I don't think I'm BU to be angry that he was late, I'm just not sure if IWBU by not simply going in to meet him?

OP posts:
Johnnyfinland · 09/12/2018 00:51

Yeah I’m not sure why you didn’t just go in tbh. Seems like the obvious thing to do

RavenLG · 09/12/2018 00:53

Unless there is a massive backstory it seems a bit unusual to be this upset over it. Yes he should have been on time but could you really not have gone in? Pubs can be loud, not hear phone, lose track of time etc. Easy mistake to make.

cancla · 09/12/2018 00:54

You waited over 45 mins in the car rather than just go inside Confused

PositiveVibez · 09/12/2018 00:54

Seems daft to sit in a car fuming for nearly an hour, than just going in and saying 'ready to go?'

SlowlyShrinking · 09/12/2018 00:56

Did you just sit in the car for 45 minutes? I think I would’ve gone in if it was me.

NorthEndGal · 09/12/2018 00:58

Is there a reason you weren't able to go inside?

BackforGood · 09/12/2018 01:00

Have to agree with everyone else.
Yes, ideally, he should have come out if there was a prearranged time, but, when that didn't happen, I don't understand why you sat outside for 3/4 hour Confused

Schmoobarb · 09/12/2018 01:00

Why on earth didn’t you go into the pub?

Unless there’s a huge backstory and dripfeed coming YABU and ridiculous

MichelleJ79 · 09/12/2018 01:00

I don't think you've done anything wrong. You text him to let him know you were there so he could decide when it was the right time to leave. Going into the pub would of put more pressure on him to leave. Sounds like he wanted to stay out later 9:00pm therefore what ever you had done would have ended with the same outcome.

Cherries101 · 09/12/2018 01:00

You sound a bit weird to be honest.

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 09/12/2018 01:00

Just go inside in future, it’s weird you think this is wrong

Original poster
Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 09/12/2018 01:00

Hmm, I thought so after.
It was more that I was happy to wait ten minutes or so while he finished up, then time sort of went on. I get the fact that there was no signal in the bar, but I did say 9pm which was why I was annoyed- I wouldn't have minded him being later if he'd let me know.
And I'm no stranger to pubs myself, but I'd been doing shitty stuff in the house and was wearing old clothes and a bobble hat- hardly Saturday night out clothing Wink

OP posts:
MrWolfknowsthetime · 09/12/2018 01:00

I’d have gone in, and if they were obviously not ready to go I’d have had a drink.

needtogetagrip · 09/12/2018 01:00

You "told" him you would be back at 9pm to pick him up..... controlling much?!

cricketmum84 · 09/12/2018 01:01

Yes in an idea world he would have been waiting for you and keeping an eye on his phone.

However I do think it's a bit childish to wait in the car getting more and more angry rather than just going in the pub and having a coke with them.

Both kinda in the wrong and you should make up and chalk it down to experience!

timeisnotaline · 09/12/2018 01:02

Hmmm if I were dressed in old house clothes I wouldn’t have gone in. But I would have called!

MrWolfknowsthetime · 09/12/2018 01:03

Cross post. But you could have taken the bobble hat off. No-one really notices what people wear these days. Most pubs are not some kind of catwalk experience, even on a Saturday.

Original poster
Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 09/12/2018 01:06

needto not told exactly, more arranged IYSWIM?
We live rurally and there are no buses, taxis are all booked up this time of year and would be in excess of £20 even if they were available. I don't think it's unreasonable to say "I'll be here at 9pm" since I'm the one schlepping across the countryside.

OP posts:
CaptainCabinets · 09/12/2018 01:13

A 9pm curfew for an adult man seeing his son for a pint? Confused

SlowlyShrinking · 09/12/2018 01:20

I see why you didn’t go in now. I wouldn’t have done either if i had old clothes/pyjamas on.
Though I do wonder: does everyone else on mumsnet apart from me live very rurally?

Snowwontbelong · 09/12/2018 01:29

You shouldn't have had to go in looking for him.
Next time he drinks lemonade and takes the car..
Ungrateful twat.

Doubletrouble99 · 09/12/2018 01:43

I'd have taken off the hat and gone in. After all I would have wanted to say hello to my step son and would have felt a bit odd if I hadn't popped my head round the door. But again maybe there is some back story as to why you might not want to do that!

Topseyt · 09/12/2018 02:46

I would have been annoyed. But I still would have gone in to get them.

It is however, rather unlikely I would have agreed to be a taxi service anyway.

Shriek · 09/12/2018 02:57

He making a lot of assumptions. I'd be pissed off.

I do have to play run around to pub/club/party picks ups for DCs, and I don't bother ringing because of noise, I text around the time arranged (often in house clothes/pjs) and wait it out. They are normally within 10 mins,very reasonable I think. I wouldn't be going in and conducting a search in a busy pub/club or party!

My teens seem to be able to manage this better than your adult dp?!

InfiniteSheldon · 09/12/2018 03:01

My DH has just been out for a drink with his adult son, he rang me when he wanted to be picked up. Last week the roles were reversed yabu and a bit controlling.

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