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AIBU?

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Original poster

About picking DH up from pub

87 replies

Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 09/12/2018 00:50

Long story short, DH went out tonight to have a drink with his adult son. I dropped him off just after 6pm, telling him I would be back to pick him up at 9pm.
Five to nine comes and I message to say that I'm outside when he's ready. He didn't appear so I rung him, each time it went straight to voicemail so I text a couple more times.
After 45 minutes he called and said he had been expecting me to call him. He spent the journey home asking why I hadn't simply come in the pub "for a coke" and berating me for making a fuss about him seeing his children Hmm
I've been so furious I've said very little (as I didn't actually trust myself to speak) but I did tell him it was hugely disrespectful. He maintains I should have gone in and found him.
On the face of it I'm now not sure if sitting in the car getting more and more irate was pointless and I was a bit of a twat?
I don't think I'm BU to be angry that he was late, I'm just not sure if IWBU by not simply going in to meet him?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 09/12/2018 10:17

My dh picked me up from a pub last night. I was outside at the exact time we arranged. Get together was still fun but l left as had an arrangement. No way would l get out of my warm car and go out hunting him. He had an arrangement which was a kind offer he should have the manners to come out. I would never have expected dh to come in to me last night. When you are stone cold sober and in a different mindset going into a pub is awkward. I was just thrilled dh was there ready to bring me home.

Original poster
Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 09/12/2018 11:38

I'm supremely unbothered by actually going into a pub on my own so no, that's not the issue.
He's hungover grumpy as hell today, so that's nice Hmm

OP posts:
knittingdad · 09/12/2018 11:47

I think if I was going only to pick someone up I'd want them to be ready for me, rather than for me to have to go tracking them down.

If I didn't want to spend half an evening in the pub then I might not want to go in, find the person I'm collecting has three-quarters of a pint, be told to get a drink and spend time doing something I didn't want to do.

I think it was rude of your DH, but I think you were a bit passive aggressive in your response to that rudeness.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 09/12/2018 11:47

It’s quite simple. Next time you say no I won’t be collecting you from the pub. You did him a favour and he’s thrown it back in your face so don’t bother next time.

He sounds like a grumpy sod but hopefully he’s nicer to you some of the time.

cushioncovers · 09/12/2018 11:57

If you were both happy with a 9pm pick up why didn't he just come outside and wait for you? He knew you were going to be outside at 9pm it's rude on his behalf to leave you outside waiting.

Unless he wasn't happy with 9 o clock curfew and thought by ignoring you he could have another drink.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 09/12/2018 13:38

You should of just went in. I don’t understand why you would sit in the car for 45 mins when you could of just walked in

Eliza9917 · 09/12/2018 16:41

I'd have got dressed properly before leaving the house in case of an accidental or breakdown anyway so that d have just gone in and got a lemonade while finding him.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 09/12/2018 16:50

YABVU - Most normal people dont stand outside a pub for their partner to pick them up, its probably cold maybe raining and he would rather spend every minute with his son.

Most normal partners go into the warm pub and say "Hi, I am here, ready?".

HeathRobinson · 09/12/2018 16:57

Most normal partners don't keep their partners waiting when they've come to pick them up at an agreed time. Hmm

Shriek · 09/12/2018 17:21

No they don't Heath and then get totally shitting with the one doing the favour because his behaviour pissed her off, instead of apologising for keeping her very rudely waiting so long.

His argument being you should have come in!?!...oh..and stayed for a drink?!? Well that's his agenda, but not yours OP. If you don't want to go in the pub and wait whilst he hangs around and isn't ready as previously agreed, just drive home next time and leave his sorry arse there.

He might learn to have some respect for you.

Shriek · 09/12/2018 17:22

I didn't write shitting Blush - *shitty not at all the same

Walkingdeadfangirl · 09/12/2018 17:24

Most normal partners don't keep their partners waiting when they've come to pick them up at an agreed time

How did he know she was there? apparently she was hiding outside. Who does that?

JuniperBeer · 09/12/2018 17:27

You should have just popped in. You’ll know for next time.

Your DH wil also know to make sure he’s looking at his phone just before his curfew to check if your nearby. However if I was him I would wait inside until I’d heard from you. If there’s no signal then I’d wait until you popped your head in!

adaline · 09/12/2018 17:29

Most normal partners don't keep their partners waiting when they've come to pick them up at an agreed time.

He probably just lost track of time - isn't that fairly common on a night out? You get talking and don't really pay attention to the clock. If it bothered OP that much she could have just gone in and got him - maybe had a drink herself while they finished up.

He lost track of time and his phone had no signal - surely the obvious answer is either a) go back home and let him realise/apologise and sort a taxi himself, or b) go in and remind him.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 09/12/2018 17:34

This seems more like a personality thing. Lots of people if they were collecting someone at 9 wouldn't come at 9 on the dot, but around that time. Instead of hanging around outside in the cold or makes sense for you to just come in and meet them ( unless parking is an issue).

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 09/12/2018 17:37

I'm with you on this one OP. My husband doesn't drive and if I'm doing him a favour by ferrying him around the least he can do is be ready at the pre-arranged time. I wouldn't go into the pub looking for him either, he's a grown man and is perfectly capable of keeping an eye on the time.

Shriek · 09/12/2018 17:47

Well no. You order a taxi you go outside and get it, or you lose it, you don't expect them to run around after you. Why shouldn't you afford your partner, doing you a favour, the same courtesy.

Hes an adult, you shouldn't have to run around after a fully grown adult, they can keep an eye on the time, or, mind blown, set themself an alarm reminder!!!
Or even text!

If theres no signal, be ready for when they arrive to collect you, and ferry your drunk arse home

Eliza9917 · 09/12/2018 18:26

@Shriek that's not necessarily true, at all the pubs I've drunk in (before this automated texting they do now) the taxi driver always comes in and gets the DJ to announce 'taxi for xxx'.

Shitlandpony · 09/12/2018 18:29

He should have outside for the agreed time, why should you have to find a parking space and find him like he is a child.
Tell him to get a cab next time.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 09/12/2018 18:33

Most pubs I go to you order the taxi at the bar and the driver comes into the bar saying he is there.

Is getting you husband/wife to pick you up a favour? I always thought it was a normal part of a marriage. Guess some people keep score and only do things for their partner if they are paid back at a later date.

Shriek · 09/12/2018 18:35

Well you could say that Eliza but, if you want to be pedantic about it, I can't remember the last time I went in a pub equipped with DJ! But then again, I could be only going to the pubs lacking a DJ, cos every pub has a DJ every night?!?!
If a cab can text, so can he, are we making excuses for a full blown grown up bloke who can't seem to manage this?

Bloomini · 09/12/2018 18:36

YANBU OP he could have come out if the pub at 9pm or thereabouts, not 45 minutes later.

I wouldn't have gone in chasing after him either, he knew he was being picked up at that time. He's an adult. You did your bit.

I'd not have waited so long on him to come out, you did him a favour. Nor would I have gone in "for a coke". Tell him to get a cab next time, he sounds ungrateful.

Original poster
Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 09/12/2018 18:37

As an aside, he was very scathing about DS being 7 minutes late for the time he had asked to be picked up on Friday, I think this pissed me off as much as anything else.
Alls ok now, he's apologised and I doubt he'll do that again but I know he's still a bit Hmm about it.

OP posts:
Shitlandpony · 09/12/2018 19:47

I never have a cabbie come and find me in a bar, I am a grown adult. I get a text and make sure I am there for the agreed time.

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 09/12/2018 21:24

Is getting you husband/wife to pick you up a favour? I always thought it was a normal part of a marriage. Guess some people keep score and only do things for their partner if they are paid back at a later date.

I don't count favours with my husband or expect tit for tat but yes, I would view driving him around as doing him a favour because I'm doing something for him when I could be in my pyjamas reading a book.