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AIBU?

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Original poster

About picking DH up from pub

87 replies

Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 09/12/2018 00:50

Long story short, DH went out tonight to have a drink with his adult son. I dropped him off just after 6pm, telling him I would be back to pick him up at 9pm.
Five to nine comes and I message to say that I'm outside when he's ready. He didn't appear so I rung him, each time it went straight to voicemail so I text a couple more times.
After 45 minutes he called and said he had been expecting me to call him. He spent the journey home asking why I hadn't simply come in the pub "for a coke" and berating me for making a fuss about him seeing his children Hmm
I've been so furious I've said very little (as I didn't actually trust myself to speak) but I did tell him it was hugely disrespectful. He maintains I should have gone in and found him.
On the face of it I'm now not sure if sitting in the car getting more and more irate was pointless and I was a bit of a twat?
I don't think I'm BU to be angry that he was late, I'm just not sure if IWBU by not simply going in to meet him?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 09/12/2018 03:27

I LOVE that it's controlling to offer a lift at a certain time! I'm sure he could have walked his arse back at any time. If he wants a lift, he gets one when the driver offers.

Having said that, waiting outside a pub for 45 minutes is weird. Go in or leave.

NotANotMan · 09/12/2018 03:30

If they agreed 9pm then why assume it's the OP who imposed that time as a curfew?

MrsTerryPratcett · 09/12/2018 03:48

In our house that would be "I'll give you a lift until 9, after that, bra's off, jamas on, make your own way home".

Saturdaycartoon · 09/12/2018 03:56

YANBU. He was inconsiderate not to be on time, and you were kind to go and get him.

IHaveBrilloHair · 09/12/2018 04:00

Did you expect him to be outside waiting?
I'm with almost everyone else, you were being weird, go in and get him.

HerRoyalNotness · 09/12/2018 04:02

Next time he should get a taxi

Why is the onus on you to go in? no! He should be aware of the time.

kateandme · 09/12/2018 04:02

"don't you dare come in and 'collect' me again I don't need my friend thinking wifey's coming to take me home,ill come out to you,wait in the dam car."
but then he was a prick

nbtosser · 09/12/2018 04:43

Bucket load of bollocks I say.

BusterGonad · 09/12/2018 04:57

He should have been ready, but what I do (live rurally too) is he rings me when he's on his last pint etc I get in the car and get him. He's always ready and waiting by the time I arrive.

Magentaorwagenta · 09/12/2018 04:59

I'd just have run in and waved to him and politely said I wasn't dressed for a drink on a Christmas Saturday night in general all in a light hearted and good natured way tbh

CoughLaughFart · 09/12/2018 05:28

A 9pm curfew for an adult man seeing his son for a pint? Confused

But the OP hasn’t imposed any kind of ‘curfew’ or said she was unhappy at her husband being out until after 9. Presumably as an adult he could have said ‘Can we make it 10?’ or similar when they organised for her to pick him up.

nbtosser · 09/12/2018 05:47

The point isn't about being controlling, if your pissed just say I'm pissed don't lie

cheesymashandbeans · 09/12/2018 06:54

I think when having fun it's easy to lose track of time..especially after a few drinks.

When DH goes out i say "if you phone me before 11pm I'll come pick you up, after 11pm make your own way home!" And we have the same agreement vice versa when I go out. Means the person out can decide when they're ready to come home.

alfiesmam · 09/12/2018 07:02

How rural do you live ? 20/30 min drive ?

If so you arrived home at 630 only to leave again at 730 to collect him ?

Very strange set up - do you get along with your DHs adult children ?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2018 07:09

You should have gone in. I find it strange you didn’t want to say hi to his son if nothing else.

Your sulking was ridiculous.

Notatallobvious · 09/12/2018 07:35

alfiesmam why would she have to leave at 7.30 to arrive at 9?

alfiesmam · 09/12/2018 07:42

Blush oops too early for my brain to work out simple maths Blush

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 09/12/2018 08:25

Even if DH had answered his phone wouldn't you have gone in to say hi to FH's son? Very odd not to just go in instead of waiting in the car!

Original poster
Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 09/12/2018 08:54

I saw them when I dropped DH off and we had a quick chat then, it's not like I was avoiding him Wink
It's about a twenty minute drive from home to the pub they were in so hardly the end of the earth but definitely too far to walk. A lift was definitely needed and I considered it rude not to be ready at the mutually agreed time. If that makes me controlling then hey ho Grin

OP posts:
Weebitawks · 09/12/2018 09:00

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to give a pick up time. We also live rurally and have no taxi’s so I get you there. One of us always picks up the other, but similarly I want to enjoy a bit of my sat night and have a glass of wine.

I had to pick up DH yesterday. His phone went flat. I didn’t sit in the car and get cross, I just went into the pub to get him (been doing tree etc so was covered in soil and tree gubbins)

thebirthlyhallows · 09/12/2018 09:34

I'm with you OP. What if you had gone in your pjs?

Going in for a coke surrounded by drunk/tipsy people is no fun and then someone gets another round in after that. I'm just projecting from my own experience though

Pachyderm1 · 09/12/2018 09:43

A 9pm curfew for an adult man seeing his son for a pint?

It wasn’t a bloody curfew. Why do so many posters wilfully misread things!

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 09/12/2018 09:45

You sound extremely controlling.

whiteroseredrose · 09/12/2018 09:49

YANBU.

I'd be cross too OP. And to a PP, yes I would expect him to be waiting at 9 or certainly be out by 9.15.

The pub my DH goes to has no car park and is on double yellows so I have to wait in the car or drive round the block. I also wouldn't want to have to push my way into a crowded pub to try and track him down. Plus it's disrespectful of your time and plans for the evening.

Those who would have gone in and had a Coke (bleugh) good for you. But I'd consider it a huge waste of time. I would have my own things I want to do at home but put aside 40 mins round trip as a nice gesture to pick DH up. Go in for a drink and you can end up under pressure to stay for another blah blah then the whole evening has gone.

Next time pre warn that you'll be waiting outside and that he has 15 mins grace before you go back home and he has to walk.

Vampiratequeen · 09/12/2018 09:53

Do you suffer with anxiety OP? I hate going inside pubs on my own, whenever I have to I am on the verge of a panic attack. So I wouldn't have gone in, and would have done what you did.