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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No invite to the wedding?

109 replies

alicert · 08/12/2018 20:15

I have two close friends and through them introduced to 3 other girls.
We go out socially on nights out and holidays etc.
One of these girls was getting married today.
Me and the other 4 girls planned her hen weekend and all went away for two nights.
The girls were talking about how good her wedding would be but I got no invite.
Now I assumed I wouldn't be invited to the wedding but I assumed I would get a invite to the reception.
Nothing ...I'm the only one who went on the hen weekend without a invite.
I feel like such a idiot,now clearly I wouldn't of been missed if I hadn't of went on the weekend away as I didn't make the reception cut.
Bare in mind the reception is just a disco with a bar (you have to pay for own drinks) so she wouldn't have to pay etc
I feel like a idiot.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 08/12/2018 21:20

That is shit behaviour from the lot of them, shallow and self absorbed. I would ditch the lot of them.

ScrantonTheElectricCity · 08/12/2018 21:23

!! Did the bride ever talk about it in front of you look shamefaced at all??

ahouseofleaves · 08/12/2018 21:24

I'm with Rhynswynd But then I can be PA, too ...

It's shit. I'm sorry.

EugenesAxe · 08/12/2018 21:25

Yeah I think InstagramPork has it perfectly summed up.

I know how hurtful this can be... I was really hurt recently by a slightly similar situation and that was just because it felt like every person I consider a close friend had been invited - it was more the idea of it sending a message that to the outside world I’m not integral to any of the friendship groups I really value - when analysing my actual claim to an invite with the couple in question, I knew it was perfectly understandable. So yes if I can feel that down about something I have no right to, I can imagine your pain, when you are demonstrably invested in the life of the bride. I would probably try to distance myself from them all, but that is easier said than done.

Sending you lots of virtual love & comfort xx

sonandhelpneeded · 08/12/2018 21:27

Sorry OP that's shit!

Angrybird345 · 08/12/2018 21:28

What a bunch of bitches!

Sweetpotatoaddict · 08/12/2018 21:32

Doesn’t reflect on you op, just on the bride. Don’t feel like a fool, years later friendships change and you’ll have moved on. There’s weddings( in my friendship group)that I haven’t been at that i’m Now very close to, and some weddings I attended that I rarely see the couple now. Chin up and move on

ferrier · 08/12/2018 21:33

I don't think I could stay friends with any of them after that.

Twickerhun · 08/12/2018 21:33

Oh OP I think you are better off without them. Ignor the wedding, hold your head up high - rise above it.

W0rriedMum · 08/12/2018 21:35

Is it possible that the friend organising the hen asked you to that, rather than the bride?

Calzone · 08/12/2018 21:35

Dreadful behaviour from everyone.

LuluJakey1 · 08/12/2018 21:35

I would just take a step back from them all. Find nicer friends who don't treat you like crap - because that is what they have done.
She should have said something directly to you when she had decided who she was inviting - so that you didn't choose to get involved in the hen-do or contribute to the present. I can't see why she didn't ask you to the reception if she asked all the rest- except she didn't want to ask you and was making a point of not.
But now you know she didn't want you there, you can choose to find nicer friends. You deserve them.
Personally, I never go to hen-dos and only very occasionally go to weddings - they are just dramas.

frugalkitty · 08/12/2018 21:36

I know how hurtful this is for you, I experienced an almost identical situation last year. In my case though, it was a larger group but some of the ladies became part of the group through me. The lack of wedding invite was the last slap in the face I was prepared to take (there had been weekends away etc that I wasn't invited to over the years) so I withdrew from the group, unfriended the bride and try not to look at all the fun times they have without me when it's all over FB. Not easy as our kids are friends so I'm perfectly polite if I see them around, but I decided friends shouldn't make other friends feel like crap (and know what's going on but not say anything either). I'm so sorry you've been treated this way OP

magoria · 08/12/2018 21:37

I know it is of little comfort OP.

However they have clearly lost a much better friend than you have.

Merryoldgoat · 08/12/2018 21:39

I’d steer clear of all of them. They’re nasty.

Winlinbin · 08/12/2018 21:40

That’s really mean of her. I would be hurt too.

That being said, when we got married (back in the 80s) I vetoed a friend of my DHs from coming to the day and we just sent him and his GF an evening invite. My reasoning was I had only met the friend twice and his GF once and I thought DH was being unreasonable to extend them an expensive daytime invitation. Roll on 35 years and those two people are amongst our closest friends and I bitterly regret not having them at the church and reception. I completely underestimated the history DH and the man had and how important he was to DH.

We rubbed along in the same friendship group for ages and then the GF (now wife of 30 years) and I had a very inebriated and honest talk about 16 years later when I said how sorry I was for excluding them and she said how hurt they’d been to be left out. I think it was my Bridezilla moment and she was kind enough to forgive me. Perhaps something like that will happen here OP?

Cherries101 · 08/12/2018 21:40

It was very unfair to include you on the hen-do if you weren’t invited to a wedding event. That suggests the bride in question is a user that thinks you’re ok for a bit of fun but not for when it counts. I strongly suggest you stop hanging out with them as a group.

Unicornandbows · 08/12/2018 21:40

I don't know why none of your other friends said anything about it. I wouldn't be friends with any of them. The disrespect is so bad!!

PenrodPooch · 08/12/2018 21:41

I feel bad for you op, not a nice thing for them to do, I would've expected one of the group to ask why you weren't invited to the wedding but could go along to the hen party and oh towards her wedding gift, pretty shitty friends

heartsofgold · 08/12/2018 21:41

You’re certainly not the loser here Op, you’ve nothing to feel bad about. If i was one those other friends i’d be annoyed on your behalf, i certainly wouldn’t be saying “I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you popping round to the reception. Some people just love the opportunity to be spiteful. It was cruel and nasty. Fuck her, with friends like that you don’t need enemies.

WinterfellWench · 08/12/2018 21:43

The last woman I know who was left off a wedding list (when all other friends and colleagues were invited,) was left off the guest list because the bride was jealous of her, and thought her husband-to-be fancied her.

@alicert

Could it be something like that OP? Could this woman be jealous of you?

And yeah it is horrid that you have been excluded. Can you ask why?

I agree that you need to cut them loose/ghost them. Bunch of bitches.

Starlighting888 · 08/12/2018 21:44

You sound like an amazing friend, and she should have at least had the balls to tell you straight she wasn’t inviting you and why eg due to numbers being tight or whatever.

90mammasophie · 08/12/2018 21:46

Oh no :( that's not nice. I think it's very unkind of her not to have invited you to the evening do especially since It was just a disco / pay bar. Very strange behaviour in my opinion and her problem, not yours. You'll know not to make the mistake of putting in any more effort with her. I'd personally not make a big deal or quiz her about the lack of invite .. but also not go out of my way to speak to her. No need to hide how you feel, even if you don't broach the subject with her.

viques · 08/12/2018 21:48

I think I'd be asking for my share of the wedding present back from the so called "friends".

neveradullmoment99 · 08/12/2018 21:50

Completely shitty. She is not your friends and neither are the others who said you should just pop in. Really crap for you. However, it gives you a reality check. Give them all a wide berth and move on to other people that are deserving of your friendship. They are losers, not you!

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