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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DP to start the day as normal before I get up?

87 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 08/12/2018 11:02

Whenever DP lets me lie in he does absolutely nothing to start the day until I get up

So I’ll get up to blinds still closed, lamps still on, kids unfed and undressed, none of them given a drink and all left to their own devices while he snoozes under a blanket on the couch

It drives me potty 😤

When he lad a lie in I just carry on like I would any other day and when he gets up he gets up and fits in, so kids will be fed, dressed, youngest will be napping, dishwasher will be on, usually a wash on, kids will be playing, just a normal morning
Just sometimes I’d like to get up to things done and not have to do it all myself and not have the youngests routines all fucked up

AIBU to expect him to actually do something before I get up

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 08/12/2018 11:04

How long are the lie ins? Kids shouldn't have to wait an extra two hours for a drink or breakfast in the morning.

The blinds and the lamps I would be less worried about.

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 11:06

YADNBU. When I lie in DH gets them breakfasted/dressed/teeth brushed/hair done and usually out of the house for a dog walk etc so I can have some peace (they’re 5 and 3 and not very quiet!).

Original poster
DonaldDucksTowel · 08/12/2018 11:09

Lie ins vary depending what we’ve got on that day, today I came down at 9:30 and the first thing the 3 year old said to me was asking for food Angry

OP posts:
SoyDora · 08/12/2018 11:11

I’m surprised they let him get away with not feeding them, my three year old would be helping herself if she didn’t get fed first thing!

TeatimeCrime · 08/12/2018 11:11

YANBU. What an utter arse. How can he snooze there while his children are hungry and needing their breakfast?

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 08/12/2018 11:13

YANBU. My dh usually just gets on with everything as normal, the dc would never let him get away without feeding & watering them.

Orlande · 08/12/2018 11:14

Yes, that's ridiculous. He's selfish and lazy.

I got up at 9.30 today - baby had been changed and given milk, cat had been fed, DP had made coffee and was cooking breakfast.

We usually have a later start at the weekend so I wouldn't expect everyone dressed and chores done, but basics like kids given food and drinks, nappies changed, has to be done first thing regardless.

CountessOfNowhere · 08/12/2018 11:15

What was his answer when you asked why tf he'd not fed his children?

InsideLegMeasurement · 08/12/2018 11:16

Yep that's totally expected. Part of the lie in is coming down to clean kitchen, everyone up & ready to go out, otherwise you've burned the day. My DH used to not get them ready and when I woke up would rush off to have an hour long bath so I had to do all the hard yards getting all our stuff sorted so we could leave the house and make sure house was tidy. Then I pointed it out and he changed it because he's not an arse.

Xiaoxiong · 08/12/2018 11:17

YANBU! DH works Saturdays and still gives me a lie in, and makes a full cooked breakfast for all of us before he goes to work. Also starts off the washing machine and hoovers the kitchen floor. If he tried to lie on the sofa under a blanket the kids would have eaten him for breakfast.

EdWinchester · 08/12/2018 11:17

How lazy and selfish.

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 11:18

Oh and I usually come down to a sausage sandwich too Grin

Loopytiles · 08/12/2018 11:18

Lazy, selfish and shit parenting.

Snowwontbelong · 08/12/2018 11:22

My exh used to make a big deal of allowing me a lie in.
He would get up, light on clattering about looking for clothes, go downstairs, then send the dc to play in their bedrooms. Either side of our room..
While he slept in the sofa.
Twat.

Crimbobimbo · 08/12/2018 11:22

What's his justification?

MumOfAPickle · 08/12/2018 11:30

YANBU He’s a selfish twat for doing it but I’m afraid you're a dick for accepting it more than once.

Original poster
DonaldDucksTowel · 08/12/2018 11:30

He doesn’t really have any explanation or justification, he’ll say things like they weren’t hungry yet or they haven’t been up long or it’s generally just that he’s tired 🙄

OP posts:
TeatimeCrime · 08/12/2018 11:34

You're really going to have to be firm with him and stop letting it go on. The kids can't speak up for themselves. You need to have a serious talk with him. I couldn't tolerate that. Parenting isn't optional. He has to feed his children.

TeatimeCrime · 08/12/2018 11:35

Is he always this useless?

FlamingJuno · 08/12/2018 11:36

He's having alie-in too, but he's having his on the sofa. He's not getting the concept is he? DH used to do this to me in reverse. He worked until 8pm one night a week. When he got in the kids would be in bed, dinner for the two of us would be ready and we had the rest of the evening to wind down together. If I was late in, he'd keep the kids up because he thought I'd miss doing bath and bed with them Hmm. Er, no, I'll have a glass of wine and my tea served thanks. It's a try-on, get him told, cheeky bastard.

Tigger001 · 08/12/2018 11:37

Does he just ignore your 3 year old when she asks him for food?

Original poster
DonaldDucksTowel · 08/12/2018 11:41

No he’s really not useless all the time, once he’s up he’s brill he just cracks on and he’s not one of those men who has to be instructed to do things he’s very hands on and the youngest 2 in particular adore him because he’s better at playing than me - it’s just this one thing that he’s shit about and it doesn’t happen often enough for it to be a big deal all the time, but when it does happen it gives me the rage for the whole day

You’re right FlamingJuno he is having a lie in too! And that scenario you described sounds very familiar too, when I’m out the big kids have no bedtime and play screens all night and eat pizza for tea etc it’s like when I’m not around routine goes out of the window because ‘mums not here’ - only I’m not his mum and he can parent too

OP posts:
Original poster
DonaldDucksTowel · 08/12/2018 11:42

Tigger I don’t think he asks for any, or sometimes he’ll help himself to a cereal bar or something from the snack box - this morning he’d ate about 6 days of advent calendars

OP posts:
kim81 · 08/12/2018 11:46

do the same to him a few times. Feed the kids and go sleep on the couch. Then when he gets up he can do all the other stuff!

Dotty1970 · 08/12/2018 11:50

He's a complete arsehole. How can he not feed his children....... Really bad