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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DP to start the day as normal before I get up?

87 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 08/12/2018 11:02

Whenever DP lets me lie in he does absolutely nothing to start the day until I get up

So I’ll get up to blinds still closed, lamps still on, kids unfed and undressed, none of them given a drink and all left to their own devices while he snoozes under a blanket on the couch

It drives me potty 😤

When he lad a lie in I just carry on like I would any other day and when he gets up he gets up and fits in, so kids will be fed, dressed, youngest will be napping, dishwasher will be on, usually a wash on, kids will be playing, just a normal morning
Just sometimes I’d like to get up to things done and not have to do it all myself and not have the youngests routines all fucked up

AIBU to expect him to actually do something before I get up

OP posts:
llangennith · 08/12/2018 11:53

Give him a schedule showing him what to do and the order to do it in. For example, give DC breakfast as soon as he takes them downstairs. Up to clean teeth and get dressed. Get their clothes ready the night before so there's no fussing about them getting dressed. While DC are dressing he puts the dishwasher on.
Accept no excuses! He's being lazy.

adaline · 08/12/2018 11:54

YANBU, that would piss me off too.

He should be getting the children dressed and fed, the dishes done and the laundry on. It's just basic, isn't it? It just wouldn't occur to me to nap on the sofa and let the kids go without!

adaline · 08/12/2018 11:55

Give him a schedule showing him what to do and the order to do it in.

Why on earth should she have to do that? He's a grown up and knows full well what needs doing, he just can't be arsed.

OrchidInTheSun · 08/12/2018 11:55

Why does he need a schedule? He's an adult. He knows full well that the children need feeding and the dishwasher needs loading.

He just thinks it's not his job because he's got a cock.

TeatimeCrime · 08/12/2018 11:56

Being a good parent involves more than playing with your children. It involves taking care of their basic needs and he isn't doing that. Your children shouldn't need to ask for breakfast. It's Parenting 101 to give them it once they're up.

arranbubonicplague · 08/12/2018 12:00

it’s just this one thing that he’s shit about and it doesn’t happen often enough for it to be a big deal all the time,
...
And that scenario you described sounds very familiar too, when I’m out the big kids have no bedtime and play screens all night and eat pizza for tea

That's not just one thing - it's a pattern of behaviour that will become increasingly problematic.

Adults - by and large, there is no time away from being an adult.

This Is Why I'll Never Be An Adult:

hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

MrDonut · 08/12/2018 12:01

Does he ever do more than the fun parenting, like playing? Or if you're both up, does the feeding and getting them dressed always fall to you?

Sausagerollers · 08/12/2018 12:01

Wow! He's a really shit dad. He can't even be arsed to chuck some cereal in a bowl for his kids, that's not just lazy that is totally unacceptable.
Why on earth did you have more than one child with him?

GabsAlot · 08/12/2018 12:03

playing with them doesnt make him a great dad-thats the easy part of it

sounds like he leaves all chores to you and hes the disney dad who lets them eat rubbish and stay up

Sethis · 08/12/2018 12:03

Have you had a conversation with him about it?

Something like "Hey, it's not often I get to have a lie in because I'm usually the one who deals with the kids every single morning, so it would mean a lot to me and make me feel great for the whole day if you could take over that part of the morning on the very rare occasions I get a chance to sleep late."

Surely that's better than being pissed off for the whole day, or dropping comments like "Oh, I thought you'd have done something with the kids by now" which isn't really a solution to the problem.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 08/12/2018 12:05

Your dp is not 'letting you have a lie in', he is merely sleeping in a different part of the house!

MyDcAreMarvel · 08/12/2018 12:05

How long are the children awake for? They don’t need feeding immediately on waking.

SaucyJack · 08/12/2018 12:06

YANBU.

A lazy morning on the sofa is one thing, but the essentials such as breakfast and nappies are still absolutely mandatory.

OrchidInTheSun · 08/12/2018 12:06

She doesn't need to appeal to his better nature. He's a pathetic manchild who opts out of parenting.

I'd be furious the whole day too.

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 12:07

They don’t need feeding immediately on waking

Mine need feeding (and definitely at least a drink) within about 20 mins of waking or they get really grumpy. They sleep for 12 hours and have dinner an hour or so before bed so that’s a long time without food for children with small stomachs.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 08/12/2018 12:08

Bit of a middle ground here. He would get up, feed them, change any nappies etc and wouldn’t be laying on the sofa under a blanket. The dishwasher or washing machine wouldn’t have been used though and the kids certainly not dressed.

I can’t say that I always clean the kitchen or put washing on first thing at the weekend, but I generally get them dressed. If you don’t have plans, a little bit of a lazy morning after a hectic week at work isn’t the worst thing IMO. Although what you have described is him taking the piss a bit.

ItWentInMyEye · 08/12/2018 12:09

YANBU my 'd'p does this too

WilburforceRaven · 08/12/2018 12:11

I'd have never had another child with such a specimen, but I see he's an easy sperm donor. It's not likely he'll change. He's not a 'good dad', he's shit.

Believeitornot · 08/12/2018 12:11

Yanbu
This is what my dh does. Now the dcs are older it’s less of an issue as they’ll feed themselves. But when younger it was rare that he would get everything started. He’d just be drooling under a blanket on the sofa as he’s tired 🙄🙄🙄

areyoubeingserviced · 08/12/2018 12:14

My dh ( who is usually great) used to do this when our kids were younger. It really used to piss me off. We used to argue about it all the time. I then gave him an ultimatum and things changed.
They know what they have to do they just can’t be bothered

PattiStanger · 08/12/2018 12:17

He's an adult in age but obviously not in attitude. He sounds lazy and a bit of a rubbish parent.

Arbies22220 · 08/12/2018 12:18

YANBU. I suppose he thinks he is such a hero for letting you lie in that you can make it up to him by sorting everything out when you get up.

RyderWhiteSwan · 08/12/2018 12:19

Sigh.....just another manchild.

onalongsabbatical · 08/12/2018 12:21

He just thinks it's not his job because he's got a cock. This is the history of every fucking thing that's gone wrong in human history, right?
Or am I grumpy today? Grin

Iknowthatguy · 08/12/2018 12:23

What an arse.

And no wonder he's 'better' at playing, he's not having to do all the shitwork

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