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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DP to start the day as normal before I get up?

87 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 08/12/2018 11:02

Whenever DP lets me lie in he does absolutely nothing to start the day until I get up

So I’ll get up to blinds still closed, lamps still on, kids unfed and undressed, none of them given a drink and all left to their own devices while he snoozes under a blanket on the couch

It drives me potty 😤

When he lad a lie in I just carry on like I would any other day and when he gets up he gets up and fits in, so kids will be fed, dressed, youngest will be napping, dishwasher will be on, usually a wash on, kids will be playing, just a normal morning
Just sometimes I’d like to get up to things done and not have to do it all myself and not have the youngests routines all fucked up

AIBU to expect him to actually do something before I get up

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 08/12/2018 12:24

He's reminding you that domestic work and childcare are your responsibility. Because he's got a cock.

cushioncovers · 08/12/2018 12:37

Can you ask him the night before your lie in to make sure the kids are fed and see what he does.

My ex h did this he was a lazy shit who always insisted the kids weren't hungry whenever he was left with them. It's so disrespectful.

C8H10N4O2 · 08/12/2018 12:41

Whenever DP lets me lie in

What do you mean "lets you"? Does he not consider that you should both take a turn to lie in? Are they not his DC too?

He is a lazy arse who knows that by doing nothing he is probably also curtailing your lie in.

BertieBotts · 08/12/2018 12:42

Maybe just be a bit more specific? Say something like: DH, if you're giving me a lie in that means sorting the kids' breakfast and what we usually do in the mornings, otherwise it doesn't count. I do it for you so it's only fair. Otherwise it's not really a lie in so what's the point? Cheers.

speakout · 08/12/2018 12:47

He's not getting up either is he- he is still asleep- albei on the sofa.

We abandoned lie in altogether when hids came along- neither of us sleep late.

If one of us is tired we have an early night instead, that way we can catch up with sleep while the kids are sleeping.

GemmeFatale · 08/12/2018 13:42

I’d be sending them to daddy to ask for breakfast every weekend morning. Daddy’s turn for a sleep in? Nope, sorry it’s six thirty and someone wants a bacon butty. Best wake daddy and ask for help making it.

bourbonbiccy · 08/12/2018 14:29

I wouldn't use my children in any games, I would simply give him a list of what is needed in the mornings, granted as people say, you possibly shouldn't have to, but if it gets the situation sorted and makes life easier, I would do it.

speakout · 08/12/2018 14:30

GemmeFatale

It would be very unfair to involve the children like this.

Two grown adults should be able to organise themselves so that hungry children get fed.

Monkeynuts18 · 08/12/2018 14:49

What are the children doing while he’s napping on the sofa? Do they not pester him for food and drink?

RyderWhiteSwan · 08/12/2018 14:49

Two grown adults should be able to organise themselves so that hungry children get fed

One of the grown adults is doing this - the other not so much Hmm

DoinItForTheKids · 08/12/2018 15:09

I bet Monkeynuts18 they've probably learnt it gets them nowhere to ask him so they just wait for mum.

GemmeFatale · 08/12/2018 15:38

I really don’t think it’s a big deal to teach the children daddy is also able to provide a meal and they need to ask him not just mummy.

speakout · 08/12/2018 15:40

One of the grown adults is doing this - the other not so much

But the end result is that hungry children don't get fed.

THe fact that two grown adults can't sort themselves out is not their fault.

DoinItForTheKids · 08/12/2018 15:59

Of course Gemme the children should be able to ask daddy - why do the children need to be 'taught' that? They should know it because when they ask him for food he, er, gives it to them?! If their experience is that whenever they ask him he just ignores them, what are they supposed to do, they're gonna ask the reliable parent that they know will say yes of course, shall we have some breakfast, what would you like?

speakout · 08/12/2018 17:28

None of this is the responsibility of the children- they should not be the ones who are playing the part of a ping pong ball wondering which parent is bothered enough/awake in order to feed them.

OP and OH have problems here and the kids are being neglected- it's very sad.

JosephineBucket · 08/12/2018 17:37

My 11 year old DD let me have an hour extra in bed this morning - she gave her toddler sister some toast and played with her. If a child can manage it a fully grown father can.

Silkie2 · 08/12/2018 17:37

I think I would point out to him that if you separated he would have to do breakfast and evening meals for the DCs and you would get a proper lie in for about 2 days a week and that that scenario seems appealing.

AnyFucker · 08/12/2018 17:40

How many children did you say you have ? Confused

OlennasWimple · 08/12/2018 17:47

Have you actually said this to him directly?

"When you are the only adult up, the kids need breakfast and reminding to get dressed etc, and it would be great if you would put the washing machine on too. Otherwise you're just leaving it all for me to do, and I may as well get up at the normal time in that case."

By the way, don't fall into the "he's a brilliant dad" trap because he plays with them. If he doesn't see to their basic needs (like feeding, dressing and making sure they do their teeth etc) he reall isn't a brilliant dad. He's a just about good enough dad who needs to step up his game

DoinItForTheKids · 08/12/2018 17:51

Well said Silkie!!

Sugarformyhoney · 08/12/2018 17:57

Same happens in my house though kids are old enough to get breakfast themselves. He loves from the bed to the couch.
When I get up, I do the chores and get sorted. If I moan he gets the arse and tells me weekendsarre for relaxing. It gives me the rage for the rest of the day so I don’t bother anymore.. but get up myself and make as much noise as possible 😊

PenelopeChipShop · 08/12/2018 18:28

Silkie is correct. My ex was like this. Now that we’re separated he does about 80% more hands on parenting than when we were together!

I really don’t miss this about being in a relationship - all the unmet expectations and waiting around for him to do some parenting or generally act as if he gave a shit about us!

Of course I miss the kids when they visit him, but if it wasn’t for my divorce I would genuinely never have any ‘me time’ as he saw having a wife as meaning he had to do nothing at home.

PenelopeChipShop · 08/12/2018 18:29

I’m not saying it’s that bad for the OP of course. But I do think being lazy at home and with parenting is a bad sign...

Marmite27 · 08/12/2018 18:36

Mine annoys me in a slightly different way, he will feed, dress and sort the kids, but seems incapable of feeding himself at the same time.

So if we go out for lunch, I get passive aggressive digs such as ‘oh lunch, well of course it’s breakfast for me...’ I’ve started ignoring it. He’s old enough to feed himself [santa]

Caterina99 · 08/12/2018 19:33

DH and I have a lie in each at the weekend. Kids are 1 and 3. DH would probably still have them in pjs unless they needed to be dressed for a reason, but he would definitely have fed them, changed the baby’s nappy, fed the cat and loaded/unloaded the dishwasher. Doubt he’d do any washing though!