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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to cancel?

96 replies

Dontbebloodyrude · 08/12/2018 10:54

I’ll be brief as it’s a small issue in the scheme of things...

34 weeks pregnant. Friend I haven’t seen for a while wants to visit. Lovely. Asks to bring her 2 dogs, not ideal, I don’t have dogs and don’t really want the hairs all over my house but I can put up with it. She’s now vegan, gluten free and avoids carbs. She wants to stay 2 nights because trains are mucked up or some such. Doesn’t drive so I need to pick her up. Needs to walk the dogs for an hour while she’s with us apparently.
Here’s the thing, she texted to tell me her dietary reqs 10 days ago which leads me to assume that she thinks I’m cooking all weekend. I responded to ask what she would like and nothing! Seems like too much hassle tbh, it’s annoyed me. Wwyd?!

OP posts:
PastaOfMuppets · 08/12/2018 10:57

If you don't want this person to come, say so. It's your house and presumably you can make your own decisions.

Allthewaves · 08/12/2018 10:57

I'd say no to the dogs and message her back the plans for food - eating out or takeaway

noenergy · 08/12/2018 11:00

Between the dietary requirements and the dogs I wouldn't be having her over.

Especially since you don't have dogs of your own so wouldn't want hair and the smell of a dog.

And the cheek of her with the diet, is she expecting you to wait on her hand and foot being so heavily pregnant?

Make up an excuse about a bad back and extreme tiredness or else say she is welcome but not dogs and you won't be able to run around playing hostess.

Busybusybust · 08/12/2018 11:01

Excuding more than two food groups is an eatingd isorder Why are vegans so entitled?

OffToBedhampton · 08/12/2018 11:04

You can meet up with friend without her staying at your house for two nights, bringing two dogs and sending ahead a long list of special dietary requirements for you to run around over all weekend. She can bring food with her and eat out one night/ share cooking next night. But as you're 34 weeks pg and don't really seem to want this visit, just cancel.

It's almost Xmas and tbh I wouldn't allow 2 strange dogs to stay at my house. What's wrong with meeting up midway instead and she leaves her dogs at home?.

mummmy2017 · 08/12/2018 11:07

Tell her you are not on top of the world right now health wise, due to baby coming soon, your worried about germs from her dog, and you can barely manage to cook a bacon sandwich....
While you would live to see her there is no way you will be hosting friends or family for next 6 months...
If she wants to book somewhere that is fine, but you can't have her dogs in the house.
Your so sorry if she finds the preposed visit is not doable, but your looking forward to seeing her when you can both sort it.

llangennith · 08/12/2018 11:08

I have dogs but certainly wouldn't expect anyone else to want my dogs at their house, particularly if they didn't have a dog themselves. Between the dogs and her dietary commands her sense of entitlement is incredible!
Make an excuse to postpone (cancel) the visit. YANBU.

LIZS · 08/12/2018 11:09

Check out menus of local pub , takeaways etc so you can make suggestions.

MrsAJ27 · 08/12/2018 11:11

I would cancel, your friend is a CF!

Original poster
Dontbebloodyrude · 08/12/2018 11:16

Thanks for the replies, I thought I was being a bit of a bitch! Oh and forgot to add - she doesn’t like this, that and the other so I have quite a job on my hands to devise something remotely palatable to cook if that was the expectation. When is she expecting me to do that as I work full time? Also, I wonder what her expectation would be for where the dogs sleep? I know she sleeps with them and they’re small/medium sized so I doubt she’d be lugging two dog beds, overnight bag and the dogs on the train!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontbebloodyrude · 08/12/2018 11:21

They’re cocker spaniels which shed a lot of I recall and smell quite ‘doggy’?

OP posts:
Snowwontbelong · 08/12/2018 11:24

She should be coming to pamper you!!
Cf.
A dose of d&v should keep her away.

GoldenSyrupLion · 08/12/2018 11:26

Tim much like hard work. And she's a CF. Cancel.

Inertia · 08/12/2018 11:32

Didn't the midwife tell you at your last appointment that you were overdoing things, and needed to prioritise getting some rest, and so you're not up to hosting visitors at the moment?

Alternatively, if you do want to see her, you could text back and say how kind of her to offer to cook all the weekend meals as that's something you're struggling with - and insist on the dog beds too.

Original poster
Dontbebloodyrude · 08/12/2018 11:35

Thanks inertia - no that wasn’t me Smile

OP posts:
OffToBedhampton · 08/12/2018 11:37

I have to say 'No Thankyou' sometimes when the occasional friend or family member we haven't seen for ages suggests they pop by to "stay over at mine" casually mention they'll bring their Ddogs too. Errrrr no!!

OP is heavily pg so doesn't need to be waiting on visitors who are hardwork.

For me, we don't want dog hair everywhere, DS is scared of big dogs, DD3 asthmatic & has so many allergies, it traumatises our cats (who'll disappear for days as a result), our garden isn't secure (hedges not fences), let alone the impact on our home.

Raven88 · 08/12/2018 11:39

I would say no to the dogs and she can cook for herself. I am veggie and have food intolerances. If I am going to stay with people or eating at their house I offer to bring my own and I'll cook.

GabsAlot · 08/12/2018 11:39

i think inertia means thats what you should tell your friend

MatildaTheCat · 08/12/2018 11:42

Inertia is offering you the perfect excuse.

‘Hi Friend, sorry to change out
R plans but I saw the midwife yesterday who has said I’m overdoing it and must get much more rest so regretfully I have to cancel our weekend. Hopefully see you when Junior is here, maybe we could meet halfway for a walk in the park and lunch. Happy Christmas.’

Raven88 · 08/12/2018 11:43

@Busybusybust we aren't all entitled, I follow a vegan diet most of time and I will always bring my own food unless they want to cook. I take pictures of the meat alternatives I use for anyone who asks what they should get me. Smile

PurpleDaisies · 08/12/2018 11:44

Why are vegans so entitled?

That’s a sweeping generalisation. Hmm I always offer to bring my own food if I’m eating at someone else’s house.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 08/12/2018 11:45

i wouldnt cancel on this basis.
just be firm when she comes it is a joint venture re the cooking

Bungleinthejungle · 08/12/2018 11:45

Actually in this situation I'd be saying, I'm happy to host but given your dietary restrictions and my late pregnancy, I'd need you to do all the catering, at least for yourself.

I have to admit having become hugely more assertive in my later years, I'm still annoyed about having catered for people the night before my wedding with small baby and when newborn when family came round and watched me make endless cups of tea. It's just selfishness to not take into account the other person.

UABU to cancel either if it doesn't suit you.

OffToBedhampton · 08/12/2018 11:45

OP, I think PP was giving you a hint of what to say.. !!
Didn't the midwife tell you at your last appointment that you were overdoing things, and needed to prioritise getting some rest, and so you're not up to hosting visitors at the moment?

That's your cancel/postpone excuse, then once baby here far easier to say No Dogs and she has to sort/cook her own meals and no room /can't have visitors stay over at yours but there's plenty B&B's nearby.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 08/12/2018 11:46

the point is, is she your friend, do you want her to be your friend, and once you have your baby you wont want her dogs, so now is the optimum time.
it'll be fun, its not all about the food