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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to cancel?

96 replies

Dontbebloodyrude · 08/12/2018 10:54

I’ll be brief as it’s a small issue in the scheme of things...

34 weeks pregnant. Friend I haven’t seen for a while wants to visit. Lovely. Asks to bring her 2 dogs, not ideal, I don’t have dogs and don’t really want the hairs all over my house but I can put up with it. She’s now vegan, gluten free and avoids carbs. She wants to stay 2 nights because trains are mucked up or some such. Doesn’t drive so I need to pick her up. Needs to walk the dogs for an hour while she’s with us apparently.
Here’s the thing, she texted to tell me her dietary reqs 10 days ago which leads me to assume that she thinks I’m cooking all weekend. I responded to ask what she would like and nothing! Seems like too much hassle tbh, it’s annoyed me. Wwyd?!

OP posts:
OffToBedhampton · 08/12/2018 11:47

Cross posted!
@MatildaTheCat's text is PERFECT!!!

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 08/12/2018 11:48

It sounds like a lot of hassle, I doubt I could be bothered. I would have to want to see her a lot to deal with this. The dogs and inevitable cleaning would be enough to put me off. I could deal with vegan and gluten free at a push, but to add in no carbohydrates is utter madness. Especially as she refuses to text you back about what it is she actually can eat. Just as an aside, she might not necessarily expect you to cook all weekend, those are pretty strict requirements that would extend to special breakfast and lunch too. Although I imagine ordering a take away or doing out for dinner with her would be a pretty joyless experience!

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 08/12/2018 11:50

Definitely use Inertia's excuse, also have you perhaps developed an allergy to dogs since becoming pregnant? Wink

Original poster
Dontbebloodyrude · 08/12/2018 11:55

Paha - I am brain dead at the moment 😂 that really is the perfect excuse. I’ll be banking that one!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/12/2018 11:59

I'd totally feck her off and blame your late stage of pregnancy - I wouldn't necessarily invoke the midwife though, just say you're not comfortable having the dogs around.

After all, if you invoke the midwife this time, what are you going to do next time? Although, if that's after the baby comes, you can always say you don't want dogs around the baby.

I wouldn't be having a houseguest who makes so many demands on me though - I AM GF, due to actual intolerance, and I bring my OWN GF food with me to avoid causing hosts problems with my diet - although they do often ask what I can eat so they can plan a meal (the list of what I can't eat is MUCH shorter!)

The dogs would be the biggest "no" factor for me though.

KnightlyMyMan · 08/12/2018 11:59

Honestly- if I were you, I’d wait till a few days before and say you/DH have got a nasty stomach bug/food poisoning and can’t host her.

If she’s a CF, which sounds like she is, she’ll probsbly winge about the train fare being wasted (if she’s booked ahead) but you can get set tickets refunded- plus it’ll be very hard to bad mouth you to others if you say you’ve got a D&V bug- offer to rearrange but then avoid the subject!

Not ideal but I don’t like confrontation

MrsTerryPratcett · 08/12/2018 12:00

She’s now vegan, gluten free and avoids carbs

I'd assume she had an eating disorder.

Ballbags · 08/12/2018 12:05

100% no to the dogs. The rest I could just about put up with.

bridgetreilly · 08/12/2018 12:05

I think you would be completely reasonable to cancel. Could you arrange to meet somewhere for lunch instead? Let her pick the place, if she's that fussy!

WilburforceRaven · 08/12/2018 12:06

Just send what Matilda said and be done with it.

Veganfortheanimals · 08/12/2018 12:07

Not entitled in the slightest...sweeping statement much.i take my own food ,and I don't preach.im the perfect guest.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/12/2018 12:10

Sounds like a lot of hard work on your part OP. I would say no to the dogs and ask her to bring her own food as you can't cater for such specifics.

How bad do you want to see her?

kim81 · 08/12/2018 12:11

Tell her you look forward to trying her vegan cooking it will allow you to rest. She can walk the dogs on her own!

onalongsabbatical · 08/12/2018 12:18

It's too much for me at this stage of pregnancy.
Why do you need any other reason? If someone said that to me I'd be fine about it. So, I'm guessing you think that she wouldn't be fine with it, so the question arises, is this the friendship you want right now?

BruegeITheEIder · 08/12/2018 12:27

I honestly don't know how mumsnetters get themselves into these situations! It's gonna be pretty awkward to back out now, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

I would've just said no to the dogs at the time. "Sorry mate, I'm heavily pregnant and don't like dogs much, just can't deal with that right now". Job done.

Bettyspants · 08/12/2018 12:27

Has this all been organised via text? If so why don't you give her a ring to clarify. Texting is rubbish for details with so much often lost in translation. It sounds like you think you are expected to walk the dogs and cook which may well be the opposite from what your friend intends! If you think it's too much In late pregnancy just tell her. Good friends will always be there at a better time.

Workreturner · 08/12/2018 12:31

She’s a close friend
Coming for two nights

One takeaway
One marks dine in dinner
One breakfast out
One breakfast of croissants and fruit
One lunch of toasties and soup

It’s not long and presuming I heelth issies, fact you’re 34 weeks pregnant is irrelevant

Workreturner · 08/12/2018 12:31

Re the dogs, that would be the deal breaker for me but you seem fairly relaxed about it

MrsTerryPratcett · 08/12/2018 12:33

One takeaway
One marks dine in dinner
One breakfast out
One breakfast of croissants and fruit
One lunch of toasties and soup

She couldn'twouldn't eat most of those. How is that a solution?

PurpleDaisies · 08/12/2018 12:34

One takeaway
One marks dine in dinner
One breakfast out
One breakfast of croissants and fruit
One lunch of toasties and soup

Did you miss the vegan, gluten free, no carbs? Confused

BruegeITheEIder · 08/12/2018 12:39

I would have no problem saying to a friend "I have no idea what you can eat, can you bring a load of food"? If she can bring dogs, she can bring some food!

I don't understand people who have friendships where they can't just tell each other what they're feeling/thinking.

BewareOfDragons · 08/12/2018 12:42

"I'm in the last 4-6 weeks of pregnancy, and I'm wiped and it hurts to stand for too long. Unless you're going to leave your dogs at home and bring everything you need to cook us meals based on your latest diet or find and take me out to restaurants that will cater to it, I'm sorry, but this just isn't a good time."

Original poster
Dontbebloodyrude · 08/12/2018 12:44

To be honest she’s not a close mate. We met years ago when at uni, we keep in touch but don’t see each other that often. In fact this is the first time in years. I suppose I feel bad for her because she split with her fiancé a while ago so I let the stuff that would usually make me say “wtf” slide. I’ve long suspected she’s a bit divaish (I’m the opposite which is how I think I got myself in this mess, when she said she wanted to meet I thought it’d be a day thing then the demands rolled in)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontbebloodyrude · 08/12/2018 12:45

Kicking myself for just saying yes, obvs appreciate that this is my own fault 😂

OP posts:
sackrifice · 08/12/2018 12:48

Send the text now. Get it over with. cheeky mare.

I am veggie and gluten free under duress due to trying to find out what is causing my pain and I wouldn't dream of foisting myself on a pregnant friend and demanding they service me all weekend, and pick me up, let alone host two dogs.

Fuck that shit. Send the text. If you haven't already.

Did I mention you look worn out, you need some downtime lady.