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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to react when DD gets her period for the first time?

79 replies

justcurious40 · 07/12/2018 22:47

Or how not to react?

She is 11 now and we have talked about it all and she knows what will happen, etc, but I am wondering how best to react at that moment when she tells me she has her first period. Those first few words.

I think they are words that probably stay with some girls and women forever and I don't want to say the wrong thing! I don't want to commiserate as if it's bad and neither do I want to say something like "You're a woman now!" because she's not and is not ready to be either.

Help me not to put my foot in it - what do I say/not say?

OP posts:
Avrannakern · 07/12/2018 22:50

Just ask if she found the sanitary products and if she's in any pain, would she like some painkillers? If it's a school day, maybe give her the day off so she doesn't need to do her first change in a school toilet.

Don't say any twee comments like being a woman or anything like that; it just makes them uncomfortable.

Beamur · 07/12/2018 22:50

This happened to us earlier this year. I don't recall any earth shattering conversations! I'd say don't make too big a deal about it.

Handsfull13 · 07/12/2018 23:11

I haven't been on the parent side of this but my mum was great when mine started.
She reminded me it's a normal girl thing but it effects girls is different ways so I can always talk to her about how I was feeling. If I had cramps she would be able to give painkillers and a hot water bottle or if I just wanted a cuppa and a cry that's also fine as she has tissues.

crispysausagerolls · 07/12/2018 23:13

My mother didn’t make a thing of it and was dismissive and it really upset me! Still remember it now, i was so disappointed by her lack of interest or excitement.

Allthewaves · 07/12/2018 23:14

I'd just say a breezy ok and ask.if she needs any pads or painkillers or hot water bottle at night

ChilliMum · 07/12/2018 23:15

I think you might be over thinking it. Take your cue from how your dd reacts.

Dd started last year. She was 11 but she was very physically developed so i was expecting it and we had spoken about it quite a bit before before so she was as prepared as she could be.

She called me into the bathroom to tell me. She was quite matter of fact about it but her face looked suddenly very young and a bit bewildered. I am sure i had some earth shattering speech prepared but in the end we didnt say anything just had a big hug, then I showed her where i keep the stash of San pro. Talked her through the basics and options, showed her what to do with a sanitary towel then we went into the kitchen, shared a bar of chocolate and talked about our favourite books Smile

There were a few conversations that followed over the next few days about how to manage at school, sports, swimming etc. But we just deal with stuff as it comes up.

WillowUfgood · 07/12/2018 23:15

My DD13 got hers age 11, we'd already discussed everything and I'd bought her a small "first period" type pack from Lillets. Nothing special, just a little pouch with a few different products to try (pads and tampons). She kept it in her room and I popped a couple of bits in the bags she was using for school etc, just in case it happened there.

No chance to talk to her properly the first morning as she bolted through the house to grab her stuff so she wasn't late for her theatre group (she'd stayed at my parent's that weekend), but I bought her a bar of chocolate for when she came home. She was well prepared, and periods have always been openly discussed (when appropriate, not just a random topic at the dinner table), so it was no big thing really.

curlykaren · 07/12/2018 23:16

My Welsh grandmother bought me a mars bar? 😁

My2favboys · 07/12/2018 23:18

I don't think my mum said anything but what I do remember is her pulling me up on to her knee and getting big cuddles for ages.

Pinkkahori · 07/12/2018 23:18

My dd started hers recently. She was well prepared for what would happen. I just gave her a hug and asked her how she was and was she ok with the pads etc.
I offered her the day off school but they had a school outing that she didn't want to miss.
I bought her a little kit with some different types of pads, a big bar of chocolate, a lip balm and a body spray, just to mark the beginning of a new part of her life.

Jezzifishie · 07/12/2018 23:19

Don't do what my mum did - pack me off to summer camp age 11, sneaking a box of towels into my suitcase without even a word! I started while I was away, I was completely bewildered by the new and rather painful experience. As long as you're both talking, you're on the right track!

Brocade · 07/12/2018 23:21

Assuming she understands what’s happening and has the requisite pads/tampons, wait and see what she needs? Being clamped to someone’s bosom as they orate about My Little Girl and Womanhood is probably as ghastly as my mother’s response which was to impress upon me that no male inhabitant of our house must ever know I was having a period.

PickAChew · 07/12/2018 23:22

Calm competence is all that is necessary.

nolongersurprised · 07/12/2018 23:23

We’d talked about it a bit before, practised using pads in case it happened at school and she’d been taking a change of knickers and pads in her school bag for a while.

When it happened she said, “Mum, I think I’ve got my period.” I checked and she had and I watched her put on a pad. That was it.

BartholinsSister · 07/12/2018 23:25

My Welsh grandmother bought me a mars bar?

Not very absorbent?

Fluffyears · 07/12/2018 23:29

A hug and a ‘do you need to ask anything?’ Remember those first few months are weird as it’s all new. I had horrific cramps that floored me for a full day every month so make sure you have painkillers available and a hot water bottle/microwave wheat bag.

PerfectPeony · 07/12/2018 23:32

I remember my Mum telling my stepdad and he said to me ‘proper woman now aren’t you’. It made me feel so uncomfortable!

Fluffy has it right, a hug and check if she needs anything. Smile

BunsOfAnarchy · 07/12/2018 23:33

'Right, lets get you some Cadburys love. Itll be alright'.

Probably the best thing to hear when you're on your period at any age! I recommend Dairy Milk Oreo. And invest in hot water bottle with a cover she will like (i saw a great heart shaped one the other day...im frickin 31 and i went loopy over it)

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 07/12/2018 23:34

I think I said something like "you're not a little girl anymore, you're a young lady" to DD.
We had discussed what would happen, and why etc beforehand.

titchy · 07/12/2018 23:35

Watch Carrie on Netflix?

IlikebigbotsandIcannotlie · 07/12/2018 23:38

Many moons ago, my mum told my dad (argggh) but it was all good as he was embarrassed to have been told and gave me £5 to treat myself. 😎😎😎

Travisandthemonkey · 07/12/2018 23:39

@titchy
😂😂

Costacoffeeplease · 07/12/2018 23:42

As far as I remember (it was over forty years ago!) my mum was quite bright and breezy and said something like, it happens to every woman, even the queen! Although I doubt her majesty is still bothered by periods - and neither am I (post hysterectomy) Grin

Stickerrocks · 07/12/2018 23:42

I think I said something along the lines of "That's great, your dad will have to sort you out as I have to get to work and he doesn't have to go just yet." Emotionally scarred? I don't think so. I know some girls & dads still avoid mentioning the P word years later, but we're a bit too pragmatic for that.

PsychedelicSheep · 07/12/2018 23:48

I think my 11 year old just got hers yesterday, I say 'think' as it's only a few spots of blood so I'm not sure if it counts or if it's just a bit of pre-period spotting?

We've been talking about periods for ages, and for a few months she's been getting cramps (and hormonal mood swings 😬) around the same time of the month so we've already been bringing out the chocolate and hot water bottle for a while!