To ask how to react when DD gets her period for the first time?

[justcurious40]

Or how not to react?

She is 11 now and we have talked about it all and she knows what will happen, etc, but I am wondering how best to react at that moment when she tells me she has her first period. Those first few words.

I think they are words that probably stay with some girls and women forever and I don't want to say the wrong thing! I don't want to commiserate as if it's bad and neither do I want to say something like "You're a woman now!" because she's not and is not ready to be either.

Help me not to put my foot in it - what do I say/not say?

DD started hers a few months ago she's almost 12, she was a bit upset even though she knew what it was. I gave her a big cuddle and the pads I had bought her a few weeks before. I always answer any questions she has and make her heat packs when her tummy hurts.

I was one of the last girls in my year to be told about periods. We got a school letter sent to our parents informing them that we'd be given the talk and my mum eventually told me about it beforehand, but everyone else in my class (boys and girls) already knew. I vaguely remember someone in the playground mentioning it but it just sounded so weird and unreal I didn't believe her.

My mum gave me a crappy book on puberty (really old fashioned, they talked about sanitary belts ffs!) and started crying as she spoke to me about the changes that I'd be experiencing. I was mortified and just wanted her to leave.

When it eventually happened I'd been feeling a bit off for the day or so beforehand then I woke up and my pink satin PJ bottoms were soaked through. I ran through and told her and she checked my PJs and confirmed it had happened, then gave me some sanitary towels, which were about an inch thick and awful. I wore them for a while, then graduated onto thinner ones (still awful, kept twisting and staining my clothing ugh) then eventually tampons. Now use a Mooncup - so much better!

DSD actually started over at her mum's. She was 8 - a little young, but she's tall and her mum started at 9. She just called her mum into the bathroom and told her she'd started her period. Her mum said, "Do you know what this is?" DSD said yes, I'd told her. (I had - I'm a nurse and we're pretty open about that type of thing.) Her mum kept saying, "That's young." DSD wasn't bothered by it. I told her later that she could tell her mum 8 is on the young side but not unheard of, plus age at menarche tends to run in families.

One thing I did mention to her and am posting here as a PSA: menarche (onset of periods) prior to age 12 may increase a woman's risk for breast cancer down the road. This is thought to be due to the exposure to estrogen for a longer period of time. When your DDs are in their 40s they'll want to mention to their provider if they started prior to age 12. Their provider will be able to help them determine when to start screening for breast cancer.

It’s a weird thing to be so universal but so different. My mother (who has form for making me feel beyond shit) gave me a nice long lecture on hygiene. Which explains why she had constant thrush. Then got me black towels to use but not black pants cause only sluts wear black pants. Then gave me the heavy flow tampons which I thought were the only option for too long. Then told my dad, who was here complete opposite and insisted we all went out for a posho dinner and ordered a bottle of champagne with 3 glasses.
Anywhere in between there would be fine I’d imagine.