To ask how to react when DD gets her period for the first time?

[justcurious40]

Or how not to react?

She is 11 now and we have talked about it all and she knows what will happen, etc, but I am wondering how best to react at that moment when she tells me she has her first period. Those first few words.

I think they are words that probably stay with some girls and women forever and I don't want to say the wrong thing! I don't want to commiserate as if it's bad and neither do I want to say something like "You're a woman now!" because she's not and is not ready to be either.

Help me not to put my foot in it - what do I say/not say?

It is easy to forget what it is like coping at first. My youngest seemed to be okay til I noticed she had no knickers left and discovered she had thrown them away if they got blood on them!! We had an urgent shopping trip for black knickers!!

Just make sure you are there, my mum didn't with me it was my sister who had to explain what the fuck was happening and how to deal with it.

Also period pains, my sister fucking cow doesn't get them, I on the other hand spend at least a day wanting to curl up and die

I never really spoke much about periods with my Mum I knew it was something women had but it was discussed. I remember being one of the last to start in high school (14 I finally started) and I was willing it to come, I remember my Mum saying be careful what you wish for....now I know why 😦😬🤔 she talked me through what to use and all the facts once I’d started but it wasn’t a big thing, it’s a fact of life unfortuntley and we just gotta crack on.

I don't remember my mother saying anything much. So no, the words don't stay with you forever.

She might have bought me some pads, seeing as I was bleeding already, but that's about it. (I don't remember being traumatized, so I probably didn't have to make do with toilet paper and run to the supermarket myself)
I knew all about periods already, so there wasn't much to say.

However, giving your daughter chocolate sounds like a splendid idea!

Definitely no speech of any kind - she'd have died of mortification.

When DD started, I checked she'd had some stuff with her to use in her bag (she had). That it wasn't causing her any pain, but warned her I used to get really bad cramps. That it hadn't been embarrassing for her in any way (not leaked through her clothes before she realized or anything). I did make a point about talking about how to insert a tampon, because I couldn't use one until after I lost my virginity, so I made sure to explain to her that it goes 'back' rather than directly 'up'. She's been able to use tampons since her first period, which I was really proud of, because it took me 4 years.
Made sure there was a good supply of various products around for her to try and to let me know if she had any questions and to let me know if there was a particular brand or style that worked for her and when they were running low.

The only other thing was that our downstairs loo used to have an open bin, and I swapped it for one with a lid.

Don't say anything over dramatic and don't make it into a big deal. Just make sure she has enough sanitary products and painkillers. Maybe slip her a bar of chocolate or something if she's really suffering.

Honestly, I don't remember what my mother said to me... I was probably kind of embarrassed to talk about it, at all, at that age (11), and I'd already read all about it in pamphlets and books, sat through some sort of "puberty talk" for girls, in school, etc. There wasn't much to say, really, at that point.

I'd suggest keeping it light, just telling her that if she has any questions or concerns at all, you're always there for her and happy to talk or help. (I'm sure she already knows she can come to you, but it's always nice to be reassured.)

I had discussed it and given little packs to my DDs so it wasn’t anything major or dramatic - think I asked if they were feeling ok ( physically ) and needed anything else. One was a bit of a relief as she was the last of her friends and was getting anxious about it.

Mine came when my mother was away and my father dealt with it brilliantly ( reassured, checked I had access to san pro and sweetly offered to write any excuse notes etc). I briefed my DH about it potentially happening when I was away, as well, so he was prepared - he would have been good if the need arose,

Actually, I do remember what my Dad said to me (lone parent). It was "Okie doke chuck, I've got this covered...I think " & he went upstairs & came down with one pack of each variety of pads & tampons available. He was then an amazing advocate when we, both, realised the pain I was experiencing wasn't normal (I was very lucky in that it only took me around 3.5 years to get an endo diagnosis).

So I think just keep it simple, quick acknowledgment, see if she's ok & has everything she needs then carry on as normal.

Shortly before DD1 started, we saw some TV show where a woman baked her daughter a red velvet cake with red icing and filling and decorated the house with red bunting and balloons when her daughter started her periods. We both thought it hilariously appalling. When DD1 started, I brought her home a red velvet cupcake as a private joke, which she thought was a great laugh (thank goodness)

My DD started a few months ago, she's 10 but had been developing for a while and we were prepared. I'd been working late, her Dad had picked her up from school, she told him, he asked if she was ok and she had put a pad in, but he forgot to tell me! So i got in from work, went to get her ready for bed and she said "did dad tell you i got my period?" Poor kid had been thinking i was ignoring it! I checked she was ok with the pads (needed reminding to change it at bedtime), did she need any calpol, gave her a big hug. She said she'd got blood on her pants and looked really worried, i said they could be washed no problem, but best to do it the same day not push them to the bottom of the laundry bag.

No big drama, just checking whether she needed any help and that i was there for her if she wanted any help, a chat or just a cuddle.

I started on a beach in Tunisia, about a 3/4 mile walk from the hotel. In white cycling shorts. And I gushed. Thank goodness for a large beach towel!

I'd told both my daughter's this story so both were fairly laid back when they started. Youngest (13) started on holiday this summer. I had made light of it before we went saying it was sods law she would start while away and sure enough..

Luckily it was 3 days before we came home and she was really light. I have had to get her used to not changing her towel at the slightest hint of blood, however, she was going through 15 or 20 a day with literally just a speck of blood on each! Amazingly she's actually been very regular which I seem to think isn't always usual in the first months, and apart from me checking if she needs and more sanpro on shopping trips, has just got on with it. Eldest was much the same until she went on Depo and they stopped. I think it helps that we've always been very approachable and easy going about such matters. Neither girl bats an eyelid about asking DH to buy them Sanpro when needed for example.

A hug, maybe a "Congratulations! You're growing up!" and an offer to take her and do something special. My mum took me out for lunch, just the two of us. She did the same thing with my sister. We bought DSD a Swarovski crystal necklace when she started.

Make sure she has everything she needs. You may like to have different types of products available (even different sizes of sanitary towels - with and without wings, thicker and thinner) for her to try so she can figure out what she likes. Make sure you have some ibuprofen on hand in case she gets cramps. Let her know she's welcome to ask if she has any questions.

It's very possible that she'll get blood on her panties. I just let DSD know this is common and told her to put her things to soak in cold water. Gets the blood right out. I told her I wouldn't be mad, this is common, but just asked she let me know if she had anything soaking so I could make sure it gets washed.

You might also suggest that she may prefer looser clothing (in case of bloating) and she may want some darker trousers or bottoms to wear in case of leaks.

DD was ten years, five months. Prepared because she was developing a pace but I'd still hoped she might last until 11.

Fairly matter of fact but lots of love andd sympathy. It's a rite of passage so she had her ears pierced. She's 20 now and at university She texts me to tell me every time.

Thanks everyone. Looks like I had better make sure I have chocolate in stock!

I’d bought DD everything she would need and told her where it was. As it turned out, I was out at the shops when her first period started and she didn’t want to tell DH so she texted her best friend (BF hadn’t started yet) and between the two of them they worked out what DD needed to do so she was quite casual about it when I got home and she told me.

My mum was great but she was really like proud (?) and cried. Mind you I was 15, maybe she was just relieved I was normal

Awful childhood warning ----

My first period came overnight and was so heavy I flooded onto the mattress. I called my dad in who was disgusted (mum had left 2 years previously) and left me to it. I was 12 and stripped the bed, sobbing.

I used folded up tissue and newspaper for years until I found out about sanitary pads from friends and used my paper round money to buy them.

So for me it would have been just having lots of supplies handy and maybe a hug.

I took my lead from her. She wasn’t upset but clearly a bit “well, this is shit”. So I went with “ah love, yes it’s not great, we all have to do it. When you’re older you can get medicine to control it better. For now, here’s some nurofen, a hot water bottle and you can eat as much chocolate as you like until it stops.” I also reassured her (quickly, without going into detail) that she didn’t need to deal with any knickers, clothes or bedding that got blood on it, and that I would empty her bin and deal with all that, as that was something my mum left me to deal with and it was horrid.

I spoke to friends from other cultures who said they’d been told the whole “you’re a woman now” bollocks and been told they should be excited. It’s not exciting. It’s shit when you’re 11yo and love sport and swimming. Really shit. I think it’s appropriate to acknowledge that.

Have some chocolate and a hot water bottle to hand!

And a big hug, definitely.

Mine started at 11 and only my dad was home. He was probably a bit surprised due to my age but just asked if I had what I needed. Best response really I think.

When my mum got home she started going on and on about how shocked she was as she didn't start until she was 19. Then over the next few weeks told everyone from my childminder (who may have needed to know but I could have told her myself) to every random family member! Not so great!

I remember my mums reaction. She seemed really happy for me and gave me a hug! Asked me if I had everything I needed. I remember leaving the convo feeling like I really was a big girl now

I remember when I got mine for the first time - I felt so grown up. I remember standing in the bathroom looking down at my underwear and thinking “wow”.

I didn’t tell my mom for about three days though - I don’t know why but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. We were on holiday in France at the time, staying in a mobile home in the middle of nowhere. I just shoved some tissue in my knickers and kept quiet. After two days I told my sister and we concocted a plan as to how to tell my mom

I remember standing in the bathroom and calling out, “mom...” and she answered, “yes?” and I said, “I think I’ve started my period.”

I remember trying to say it with a surprised tone to my voice to try and make it seem real

She told me to just shove some tissue paper in my knickers and she’d get me “some stuff” later.

That was the end of the discussion

My mum made it such a big deal 🙄 she went on and on about it in the year before then when it did made such a big deal about it I literally went and sat in my room on my own upset and refusing to come out.

Eventually my darling Grandma came up (mums mum) and gave me a big hug and coaxed me downstairs.

Just be normal would be my advice!

I remember the conversations about it very well, I'm in my 30s now.

Firstly, I wasn't told it was part of becoming a woman, more than it was something that happened as girls were growing up, and it's likely to start as an early teen (although my mum started earlier so wanted me to be aware). She said I'd find some blood in my pants, but that's it's nothing to worry about and showed me sanitary pads. She also said it could make my tummy hurt so I should just ask for paracetamol/hot water bottle.

When it did come, I told her and she gave me a big hug. She then gave me a sanitary pad and made sure I knew what to do. She asked how I felt and then we just sat and watched TV together.

Nothing earth shattering, but I feel like it was dealt with really well.