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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to quit my job after house completion?

107 replies

icelolly90 · 07/12/2018 19:49

My job is giving me major stress and anxiety. It's never been the job for me, but I've stuck it out. However, they are not getting me to do things I find very hard to do due to my mental health.

I know it's supposedly easier to get another job while you have a job, but in this case it isn't. I am not allowed any time off during the week 9 - 6, and if I want holiday then six weeks notice is required. Seeing as most companies conduct interviews during the working week, it's impossible to go to interviews too.

I want to quit but I can't as we are in the process of buying a house. If I quit, we will lose all the money we've paid for solicitors, surveyors etc, as the mortgage would be withdrawn.

Would it be stupid of me to quit after we've bought the house? My partner probably won't like it, but I am putting £10K more than him into the deposit and I will have around £10K after too.

Advice would be appreciated, as would tips on how I could possibly go to interviews without feeling guilty or getting caught.

OP posts:
Positivethinking1 · 07/12/2018 21:56

Also I'd check your staff handbook if you have one. At my company you can choose not to disclose the nature of the issue to your line manager.

Are you sure you're not a bit paranoid? Saying that you lied about sickness on your reference without proof would be illegal. Even if your boss asks and thinks you're lying, s/he won't be able to prove it.

Also, plenty of employers interview early or late, or over the phone. And how do they know you didn't do it on one of your normal days off?

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/12/2018 21:57

icelolly90
yes but it didn't go down like that. As soon as I was told I was being made redundant I had to deal with arguments. I would have had to move back in with my parents if I didn't take it.

So you were/are living together in a rented place(?) and he wasn't happy covering your share of the bills for an extended time, so your options were to take a job or live with your parents?
You now have a job and want to quit after you buy a house leaving him to cover the majority of the costs whilst you are unemployed for an extended time?

Or possibly in his view is you flaked on him once and are now trying to do the same again.

Original poster
icelolly90 · 07/12/2018 22:03

@BoneyBackJefferson when did I flake on him once?

I was made redundant, and that night he shouted at me for hours, and told me I'd be living on beans. I however, started applying for jobs immediately and had 4 interviews in a week. I took the first one as what choice did I have?

OP posts:
boringlyboring · 07/12/2018 22:03

Holidays, sick, unpaid leave for ‘emergencies’ if your company allows.

Many jobs I’d applied for this year have had a closing date of 4+ weeks later. Plenty of time to book holiday and secure time off for interviews. You then have 6 weeks to hammer applications. and try to get as many interviews as you can, for your week/few days off.
You can even just book a load of half days so you’re using less time, but have either mornings or afternoons free.

You have the option of saying you need to get some stuff to the solicitors on such and such date, so require unpaid leave or starting later.

With evidence for sick leave, assuming you’re in the UK, you need a doctors note after 7 days or possibly a hospital letter if that’s your excuse. I don’t think they’ll ask for evidence of a migraine or period pains (but buy a pack of cocodamol and show them the receipt if you need a ‘just incase’)

I’m just talking from experience as I’ve been in all these situations, working those hours with shit managers, not having any flexibility. Sacrificing holiday or a days pay, or biting the bullet and facing ‘a grilling’ in a back to work interview are better options, as they’re not long term. Unemployment could be.

Merryoldgoat · 07/12/2018 22:04

Why are you buying a house with someone who shouted at you for hours when you were made redundant?

Original poster
icelolly90 · 07/12/2018 22:04

I should add I was only out of work for a week as I was paid gardening leave so he did not support me financially and I did not 'flake'.

OP posts:
Positivethinking1 · 07/12/2018 22:06

I however, started applying for jobs immediately and had 4 interviews in a week. I took the first one as what choice did I have?

Do that again! It's very likely the next one will be less stressful

Sakura7 · 07/12/2018 22:07

Being made redundant is NOT flaking! Jesus Christ...

Original poster
icelolly90 · 07/12/2018 22:07

@boringlyboring thanks, that's helpful.

The problem is when jobs only do interviews on one particular day due to panels, that's when it's tricky. Or if they have second interviews.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 07/12/2018 22:15

Loads of posters have asked why you’re buying with such an unsupportive man but you don’t want to answer - what the problem?

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/12/2018 22:16

icelolly90

I'm am putting forward that this is a view that he may have. It is not a dig at you.

MissCharleyP · 07/12/2018 22:17

No way would I be buying a house with someone who “shouted at me for hours”, especially for something that was in no way, shape or form my fault. Has your DP always been like this? It seems an unreasonable and extreme reaction to something out of your control.

I feel for you about your job, it’s awful being somewhere like that and yes, most employers expect you to be available for interviews during office hours, unless it’s a really specialist role there are few that will make exceptions. My friend used to be a team manager of a team of admin staff, she told me she was interviewing a girl and asked her how she had got the time off for the interview and the girl (perhaps foolishly) said she had phoned in sick. Friend didn’t give her the job for that reason. She told me about this years later and I sat there open-mouthed and asked ‘What do you think people do when every job you interview for is in the middle of a work day?’

I would seriously think about whether you want to buy this house with DP. And definitely see if you can get some interviews lined up - some companies now list the dates interviews are taking place and in my current job I could book online, so there was the option to book a slot as early/late as possible. Good luck!

M0reGinPlease · 07/12/2018 22:19

Your job is not the problem here

Rosered1235 · 07/12/2018 22:30

I wouldn’t quit your job without another one lined up. It isn’t worth the financial risk. Yes things are tough now but they’ll get a whole lot worse if you find yourself unemployed and struggling to pay the bills. You can not guarantee that you will get a job within a year and it will be hard to explain why you left your previous employment.

Instead, have you considered either: going to interviews and arranging it for early in the morning and telling work you need to go to GP and will make up the time by working later? Or, submit a flexible working application to either reduce your hours or change the work pattern. For example you could ask to work a four day week or work your 5 days in 4 days or 10 days in 9 days (with a day off every 2 weeks), or ask for a shorter lunch so that you can start/finish earlier some days, or ask to work from home once a week or every couple of weeks. You can make a flexible working request for any reason but you could cite your mental health as a reason if your current working arrangement is causing you stress. Your employer can only reject your application on specified grounds and to be honest they also have a duty to consider reasonable adjustments once aware that you have a disability - mental illness is included in this.

Sakura7 · 07/12/2018 22:50

I think people overstate the 'never leave a job without another one' argument. Sometimes it's a reasonable choice, depending on the person's circumstances, savings, job market, etc. Obviously it needs to be carefully considered, but limiting your options when you're in a bad job can just compound the misery.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 07/12/2018 23:15

Don't buy a house with this man. Quit your job and your relationship.

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/12/2018 23:39

icelolly90

From what I can see you have three things to consider
Your job
The house
and the relationship.

GinandGingerBeer · 08/12/2018 00:06

Honest to god hat on earth are you thinking buying a house with a man who makes you feel like that? You should at least be able to discuss this with him, not have to come to MN for advice because he won't help you to make an exit plan.
You have £20k in savings. Quit the job and bin the man, buy yourself somewhere once you're settled in a job for as long as the mortgage company need for you to get an offer on your own.

HighsandLows77 · 08/12/2018 01:45

@icelolly90 Can you hand in your notice and then look and apply for jobs in your notice period? you do sound like you would at least get interviews quickly so would probably have a job offer whilst still in your notice period so not too bad if you take a day off or arrive at work later to attend an interview.

MrsTerryPratcett · 08/12/2018 01:52

OP is never going to answer the actual question. WTF she is buying a house with a horrible, unsupportive, shouty wanker.

OP do what you like but you will regret hitching your wagon to this arsehole.

Johnnyfinland · 08/12/2018 01:56

The shouting at you for being made redundant is clearly unreasonable as that isn’t your fault. But him not being thrilled about you wanting to quit and not wanting to financially support you is perfectly fair enough! I wouldn’t fund a partner who’d voluntarily made themselves unemployed. However, you have £20k in savings (which is not nothing as a PP said, you could easily make this last a year) so you can still pay the mortgage and support yourself while you’re unemployed, so it won’t actually impact him. In that case, I would say definitely quit

Vivino · 08/12/2018 03:51

He sounds like a total bully. Please don't buy a house with him - he will screw you out of that 10k. Leave him, move back in with your parents (assuming that's still an option) and leave your shitty job. You don't have to live like this, in a job that you hate and with a man who clearly hates you. Your life could be totally different in six months.

Hissy · 08/12/2018 06:51

He shouted at you for hours the day you were made redundant?

The job is NOT your biggest problem in life

KEEP your savings, cancel the house move and put your money into your life and get yourself somewhere to live.

Without this partner. Move back in with your parents if you can, anything but stop living with a person as unsupportive and cruel as he appears to be.

Hissy · 08/12/2018 06:53

How much money has he got to put into the house

Look at what you’re bringing to the relationship and look at what he’s looking to gain. I don’t like the sound of him at all.

AnotherEmma · 08/12/2018 07:10

"I was made redundant, and that night he shouted at me for hours, and told me I'd be living on beans. I however, started applying for jobs immediately and had 4 interviews in a week. I took the first one as what choice did I have?"

Actually you had plenty of choices. You could (should) have refused to be bullied into taking a bad job, and if that meant the end of the relationship, so be it.

Please ask yourself why you've chosen to stay with someone so unpleasant and unsupportive. He is a bully. Please don't buy a house with him.

As for the job situation, I think you should quit your job as well as ending the relationship. But another option would be to see your GP and see if they will sign you off for stress. Not a long term solution but it would give you a bit of breathing room.