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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random earring - should I be suspicious?

128 replies

marmeladerose · 07/12/2018 17:58

First time poster, long time lurker here.

A quick background. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and lived for him for 2 of those. At few months ago I got a fantastic opportunity through work to relocate to London to work on a project which would last 8 months. He could not come due to work commitments (we lived together in Edinburgh) and we discussed it and decided I would go alone. We did long distance during university and it worked for us and 8 months isn't a long time in the bigger picture of things. Anyway off I went and he moved in with a friend for the duration and it was going well.

I am doing a qualification as part of the project so get odd weeks off here and there to study so I came home a few days ago for that. He is still going to work during the day and I was doing a quick tidy of his bedroom for him today and underneath some books on the bedside table I found a single big dangly earring. At first I just brushed it off and thought there must be a reasonable explanation for it, and continued with my cleaning. However it keeps coming back in to my head. Why is this earring here? It definitely isn't one of mine. And now I am sat on the bed staring at this Pat Butcher earring and stressing out. Please someone tell me IABU. I need advice.

OP posts:
Popc0rn · 07/12/2018 23:31

So he is staying in his friends spare room atm, and his friend has a girlfriend? Maybe she had a female friend stay over in that room before he moved in, or even since he moved in while he's been visiting you? Or maybe friends girlfriend slept in that room a few times while it was empty and left it there? If he's a messy person then it could have been there before he moved in and he's just never noticed?

Key question is, if you are a "neat freak" - have you cleaned his room since he moved in? If you have cleaned it before, then it's odd and suspicious that this earring has suddenly appeared. But, if this is the first time you've cleaned there, then it could of been there for ages and have a innocent explanation.

Ask him.

1CantPickAName · 07/12/2018 23:39

Did you ask him?

Weenurse · 08/12/2018 00:53

Any news?

Oblomov18 · 08/12/2018 09:44

Not helpful. Sorry. Grin

Random earring - should I be suspicious?
BeanBagLady · 08/12/2018 10:29

“It was there before he moved in, he found it on the floor thought it was yours , picked it up and put it on the table before it got lost under books.”

Highly likely.

Good grief, what a load of bunny boilers, who would actually put the earring in and then swoop their hair back? Like actually wear an earring that you are suspicious enough about to do that? Would you employ the same tactic with all these errant knickers?

Oysterbabe · 08/12/2018 10:33

I'm in the ask him camp. If you surprise him with it you'll be able to tell a lot from his reaction.

MyOtherProfile · 08/12/2018 10:36

Did you ask him?

TheSilentLamb · 08/12/2018 12:14

Can we get an update? This is a fantastic mystery! Really looking forward to see how it's resolved.

My bet is he's a secret transvestite. The world is a rich tapestry these days!

AlexaAmbidextra · 08/12/2018 14:40

TheSilentLamb. Why don’t you try to rein in your excitement a bit? This is someone’s relationship with the potential for hurt. Not a soap opera for your entertainment ffs.

Original poster
marmeladerose · 08/12/2018 16:10

I asked him and he just said it was strange and he didn't know how it got there.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/12/2018 16:14

What's your gut reaction to his op? Did he seem genuinely bemused or evasive for example?

PFB1 · 08/12/2018 17:20

marmelade do you feel happy that his reply was honest? What's your gut feeling?

Original poster
marmeladerose · 08/12/2018 17:31

He just seemed dismissive. I am not sure if that is because he didn't want to talk about, was hiding something or just wasn't interesting for him and didn't consider that it might look suspicious because genuinely nothing is going on. But like I said I have no reason other than this not to trust him.

OP posts:
AntMoon · 08/12/2018 17:43

What does your instinct say?

mum11970 · 08/12/2018 17:49

It may have just been left in the room, the same as the Monopoly thimble that is also hanging around.

Doje · 08/12/2018 17:51

Can you ask his friend girlfriend if it's hers? If not, I'm afraid I'd be quite suspicious.

user1471592953 · 08/12/2018 18:24

Another possibility is that someone used your OH’s room to change in for a night out. I used to go to friends’ houses and change there before we went out together. Any friend may not have wanted to use the other room because it belongs to the flatmate, who is a guy.

Dungeondragon15 · 08/12/2018 20:06

It could be that someone else has stayed in the room while he in London with you. I would ask his friend's girlfriend if it is hers and watch the reaction. She might know who it belongs to.

Autumnsunrise · 08/12/2018 20:25

Great, now you know nothing and he knows you're on to him. Hmm

BumbleBeee69 · 08/12/2018 20:27

dear oh dear OP Hmm

PFB1 · 08/12/2018 20:31

The problem that you have is that the answer he's given you is the exact answer that someone who cheated would give if they were put on the spot. Or on the other hand, he could be telling the truth. Either way though, you'll still have that shred of doubt that you had when you started this thread.

If he has cheated or is actively cheating, he'll now be extra careful. It's unlikely you'll find any more evidence now that he knows you're on to him.

That's why I'd have not said anything and kept an eye out.

Original poster
marmeladerose · 08/12/2018 22:32

I could not have not said anything though, because then I would have always been wondering. And I had no reason to not trust him so he deserved me to be up front. Like some people have said there are lots of explanations which could be the case, like being his friend's girlfriend earring or just being left there from before.

OP posts:
peachypetite · 08/12/2018 22:45

Do you feel like he is acting differently in any way?

MakeTeaNotWar · 21/12/2018 14:42

How are you doing @marmeladerose ?

flyingspaghettimonster · 21/12/2018 15:17

I feel like not knowing is a pretty good sign actually. If my husband said that in a fairly dismissive manner or seemed confused I would believe him far more than if he had a story to explain it. Unless that story was "my flatmate found it in the sofa and asked if it is yours, i forgot about it". I think I would not stress too much about it now.

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